Saturday, December 30, 2006
happy new year 2007!
I just realised that tml will be the last day of the year, and the day after will be another year! Really! It just boils down to how busy i am such that the transition from 2006 to 2007 doesn't seems important to me. In fact, nothing else seems important to me anymore.
Don't think i'll have chance to blog tml, thats why i'm doing so now! haha
2005-2006 are the years I'll always rmb. There are just so many people I've met, so much things that i've experience and much more lessons i've learnt. This 2 yrs will be sticked side by side in my memory cos my transition from 2005 to 2006 was in the ops room. Couldnt get a clean break for it.
I've experienced ups and downs and ups and ups and down... It was like a roller coaster ride. Scanning thought my previous blog entries made me wonder if i am really stronger than before or am i just going round in circles? haha
Nonetheless, one thing for sure. I am no longer uncertain of the things i want. I know what i want, and i want it now. And because of this, i'll not make any new year resolutions as there is no point for me to keep my wish for only 1 year.
Next year will be the year of the 070707.
Therefore, it will be the most crucial year for me. I can't stress how important this year can be. Depending on what i'll be doing with all my heart, it will change my life forever.
I'll constantly remind me about this from time to time as i'll put in everything i got for this one.
To all who love me! Follow me!
I just realised that tml will be the last day of the year, and the day after will be another year! Really! It just boils down to how busy i am such that the transition from 2006 to 2007 doesn't seems important to me. In fact, nothing else seems important to me anymore.
Don't think i'll have chance to blog tml, thats why i'm doing so now! haha
2005-2006 are the years I'll always rmb. There are just so many people I've met, so much things that i've experience and much more lessons i've learnt. This 2 yrs will be sticked side by side in my memory cos my transition from 2005 to 2006 was in the ops room. Couldnt get a clean break for it.
I've experienced ups and downs and ups and ups and down... It was like a roller coaster ride. Scanning thought my previous blog entries made me wonder if i am really stronger than before or am i just going round in circles? haha
Nonetheless, one thing for sure. I am no longer uncertain of the things i want. I know what i want, and i want it now. And because of this, i'll not make any new year resolutions as there is no point for me to keep my wish for only 1 year.
Next year will be the year of the 070707.
Therefore, it will be the most crucial year for me. I can't stress how important this year can be. Depending on what i'll be doing with all my heart, it will change my life forever.
I'll constantly remind me about this from time to time as i'll put in everything i got for this one.
To all who love me! Follow me!
Catching the falling leaves ...[11:39 PM]
****** ******
Friday, December 29, 2006
updates!
I guess i've not been updating what i have been doing for quite sometime. Thats why my Shou Shi li so low recently.
Well well, lets start off with things still fresh in my mind.
1)I've attended a 3 days first aid training course. Ended today. And of course, with my talents and skills, such things i can easily get its qualification. But then again, i'm not very impress with the way they allow people to become qualified first aider. Just because SOME people can bearly rmb the sequence and some stuff during the test today, they become a first aider. Just because we understand some basic knowledge (which is not really practical) we can become a first aider.
From the way i see how st john do stuff. Anything injury just call ambulance, use ice. dont move.
Maybe, i'm thinking to complicating stuff like self treatment. Dislocated shoulder how to put back, press which pressure points can help to alleviate the pain. I dont like being too reliant to others.
2) Got my 3 star, gone throught the selection. Yah! And once those adminstation stuff are settled later today. My overseas course next year will be confirmed. I think it will be super exciting to have wave as high as yongcheng come crashing down and pushing you everywhere! Can't wait. Guess that my coarching attachment and has to wait a while ba.
3) I feel that there are things that require drastic measures for them to change.
For the first time, he offered me $$ to help him. (sounds funny right?)
There is something that he wants me to understand all these while yet i'm just too stubborn to listen cos i always feel that he never understand what i really want. And i slowly get to understand something no one in the family can, Himself.
4) Learning Malay can be so much fun!! Just that my schedule is so packed that i can never really find to keep my agreement to ULANGKAJI!!! Malay is so easy, unlike german! Though i really want to improve my german as well. Then i can speak 4 languages!! but the chances for me to improve german is very low. Priority of task lah... haiz...
5) The situation i always feared is showing itself. I'm not frightened because i'm know with my current strength i can overcome it.
But i only wish it does not come within this 1 year. There are so much goodness to be done for me. Let me be abit WILLFUL , just slightly will do, to make this wish for me to complete doing my things before i no longer have the chance to do it again.
I guess i've not been updating what i have been doing for quite sometime. Thats why my Shou Shi li so low recently.
Well well, lets start off with things still fresh in my mind.
1)I've attended a 3 days first aid training course. Ended today. And of course, with my talents and skills, such things i can easily get its qualification. But then again, i'm not very impress with the way they allow people to become qualified first aider. Just because SOME people can bearly rmb the sequence and some stuff during the test today, they become a first aider. Just because we understand some basic knowledge (which is not really practical) we can become a first aider.
From the way i see how st john do stuff. Anything injury just call ambulance, use ice. dont move.
Maybe, i'm thinking to complicating stuff like self treatment. Dislocated shoulder how to put back, press which pressure points can help to alleviate the pain. I dont like being too reliant to others.
2) Got my 3 star, gone throught the selection. Yah! And once those adminstation stuff are settled later today. My overseas course next year will be confirmed. I think it will be super exciting to have wave as high as yongcheng come crashing down and pushing you everywhere! Can't wait. Guess that my coarching attachment and has to wait a while ba.
3) I feel that there are things that require drastic measures for them to change.
For the first time, he offered me $$ to help him. (sounds funny right?)
There is something that he wants me to understand all these while yet i'm just too stubborn to listen cos i always feel that he never understand what i really want. And i slowly get to understand something no one in the family can, Himself.
4) Learning Malay can be so much fun!! Just that my schedule is so packed that i can never really find to keep my agreement to ULANGKAJI!!! Malay is so easy, unlike german! Though i really want to improve my german as well. Then i can speak 4 languages!! but the chances for me to improve german is very low. Priority of task lah... haiz...
5) The situation i always feared is showing itself. I'm not frightened because i'm know with my current strength i can overcome it.
But i only wish it does not come within this 1 year. There are so much goodness to be done for me. Let me be abit WILLFUL , just slightly will do, to make this wish for me to complete doing my things before i no longer have the chance to do it again.
Catching the falling leaves ...[11:56 PM]
****** ******
Wednesday, December 27, 2006
Cave of the golden rose x handwriting
'The cave of the golden rose" is a film series from the early 90s.
Really got the urge to watch it once again. Like after 16 yrs? haha...
Youtube doesn't seems to have the complete video of it.
Anyone got any idea where can i watch it??
------------------------------
Edwin was talking about the handwriting personality test. And the curious me went online to have a try. And this is what i got:
T has difficulty making decisions. His mind changes constantly. He lives in an emotional tug of war. T could be described like a thermometer. Today warm and friendly, yet tomorrow he may be distant and cold, not wanting to be close to anyone. If T encounters a situation he cannot handle he frequently pulls into himself. He feels his emotions are secure if he is withdrawn. When he has solved the problem he can be very outgoing and again need other people's companionship. Some see T as very moody, but it it would be more accurate to say he has two complete personalities that he chooses depending on the circumstance. This type of person is often hard to understand because no one knows what personality he is exhibiting today. He may not be bothered by something one minute, then the next minute become upset at the same thing. It is very difficult to pin down T's emotional expressiveness.
And i tot my split personality syndrome was over already?? Haiz, but somethings are so built into you that it cannot be changed it so easily. Well, at least i wouldnt be lonely by talking to my other personality... isn't it a good thing?
T will demand respect and will expect others to treat him with honor and dignity. T believes in his ideas and will expect other people to also respect them. He has a lot of pride.
You dont need a handwriting test to tell me that!
T will be candid and direct when expressing his opinion. He will tell them what he thinks if they ask for it, whether they like it or not. So, if they don't really want his opinion, don't ask for it!
For this, i think ganesha experienced it at its full force. Think i made him throw blood cos of this.
T has a temper. He uses this as a defense mechanism when he doesn't understand how to handle a situation. Temper is a hostile trait used to protect the ego. Temper can be a negative personality trait in the eyes of those around him
I beg to differ in this. This might be true in the past, the old violent me... oh my.... Lost control and got into fights cos of this. But well, now its different, the way i throw temper is different, of a higher level already. So its not as negative as it says. But then, Jia Cai seems to be getting alot of my temper from me very often.
T is sarcastic. This is a defense mechanism designed to protect his ego when he feels hurt. He pokes people harder than he gets poked. These sarcastic remarks can be very funny. They can also be harsh, bitter, and caustic at the same time.
Is there nothing more positive things to say?
'The cave of the golden rose" is a film series from the early 90s.
Really got the urge to watch it once again. Like after 16 yrs? haha...
Youtube doesn't seems to have the complete video of it.
Anyone got any idea where can i watch it??
------------------------------
Edwin was talking about the handwriting personality test. And the curious me went online to have a try. And this is what i got:
T has difficulty making decisions. His mind changes constantly. He lives in an emotional tug of war. T could be described like a thermometer. Today warm and friendly, yet tomorrow he may be distant and cold, not wanting to be close to anyone. If T encounters a situation he cannot handle he frequently pulls into himself. He feels his emotions are secure if he is withdrawn. When he has solved the problem he can be very outgoing and again need other people's companionship. Some see T as very moody, but it it would be more accurate to say he has two complete personalities that he chooses depending on the circumstance. This type of person is often hard to understand because no one knows what personality he is exhibiting today. He may not be bothered by something one minute, then the next minute become upset at the same thing. It is very difficult to pin down T's emotional expressiveness.
And i tot my split personality syndrome was over already?? Haiz, but somethings are so built into you that it cannot be changed it so easily. Well, at least i wouldnt be lonely by talking to my other personality... isn't it a good thing?
T will demand respect and will expect others to treat him with honor and dignity. T believes in his ideas and will expect other people to also respect them. He has a lot of pride.
You dont need a handwriting test to tell me that!
T will be candid and direct when expressing his opinion. He will tell them what he thinks if they ask for it, whether they like it or not. So, if they don't really want his opinion, don't ask for it!
For this, i think ganesha experienced it at its full force. Think i made him throw blood cos of this.
T has a temper. He uses this as a defense mechanism when he doesn't understand how to handle a situation. Temper is a hostile trait used to protect the ego. Temper can be a negative personality trait in the eyes of those around him
I beg to differ in this. This might be true in the past, the old violent me... oh my.... Lost control and got into fights cos of this. But well, now its different, the way i throw temper is different, of a higher level already. So its not as negative as it says. But then, Jia Cai seems to be getting alot of my temper from me very often.
T is sarcastic. This is a defense mechanism designed to protect his ego when he feels hurt. He pokes people harder than he gets poked. These sarcastic remarks can be very funny. They can also be harsh, bitter, and caustic at the same time.
Is there nothing more positive things to say?
Catching the falling leaves ...[12:15 AM]
****** ******
Sunday, December 24, 2006
piece-of-love
I feel that no one around me truely understand what LOVE really means.
They just keep on using this word so exhaustively (is it the right word to use? was thinking of the word opposite to sparingly), that the true meaning of it has been lost or lost its impact.
It now seems very superficial. So commonly used but never really being understood.
Maybe its cause of the place i just went, they kept on talking about love this love that. But i doubt not much of the people there truely understand want it means. It disgusted me slightly.
For buddhist, they dont use the word 'love', instead they feel that the ultimate form of love is 'benevolence'.
I've been loved by a wind before. She appeared and left my life like a ghost. By doing so, a part of her was left within me. It's as if, in some small way, the spirit helps to find who I am and what I want to bring to the world. This wind has already become part of my strength. Her very existence is her power. I've learnt so much from this.
I, on the other hand, have never done much before.( but thats not the point.. haha)
I feel that no one around me truely understand what LOVE really means.
They just keep on using this word so exhaustively (is it the right word to use? was thinking of the word opposite to sparingly), that the true meaning of it has been lost or lost its impact.
It now seems very superficial. So commonly used but never really being understood.
Maybe its cause of the place i just went, they kept on talking about love this love that. But i doubt not much of the people there truely understand want it means. It disgusted me slightly.
For buddhist, they dont use the word 'love', instead they feel that the ultimate form of love is 'benevolence'.
I've been loved by a wind before. She appeared and left my life like a ghost. By doing so, a part of her was left within me. It's as if, in some small way, the spirit helps to find who I am and what I want to bring to the world. This wind has already become part of my strength. Her very existence is her power. I've learnt so much from this.
I, on the other hand, have never done much before.( but thats not the point.. haha)
Catching the falling leaves ...[10:39 PM]
****** ******
Yong Cheng
I'm honoured
Yongcheng actually let this entire relatives and friends to wait for my arrival before cutting the cake.
And i came at 9pm while his party is supposed to start at 6pm.
I always find him amazing. Really.
There are just so many things i want to learn from him
His greatness and purity never fail to overflow out from him and affect those around him in a positive way.
But he never understands and appreciates his innate talents within.
I think i've mentioned before if there is one person i can trust with my life. It would be him.
For he as already earned my sacred trust.
I'm honoured
Yongcheng actually let this entire relatives and friends to wait for my arrival before cutting the cake.
And i came at 9pm while his party is supposed to start at 6pm.
I always find him amazing. Really.
There are just so many things i want to learn from him
His greatness and purity never fail to overflow out from him and affect those around him in a positive way.
But he never understands and appreciates his innate talents within.
I think i've mentioned before if there is one person i can trust with my life. It would be him.
For he as already earned my sacred trust.
Catching the falling leaves ...[12:21 AM]
****** ******
Friday, December 22, 2006
son of the light
My mind has lost its center. It's turning and turning. Can't hold it...can't hold it...
The sensation is as though you are falling into the world of darkness. Deeper and deeper.
The feeling is just so good for you to resist...
Alcohol therapy yesterday helped alot. If not i'll be moarning and wailing in bed today.
Tml will be another long day. Going for the selection and yc's birthday party!
Lets hope my head can stop spinning by tml. Then i'll be stealing yc's limelight.
bwahaha!!
My mind has lost its center. It's turning and turning. Can't hold it...can't hold it...
The sensation is as though you are falling into the world of darkness. Deeper and deeper.
The feeling is just so good for you to resist...
Alcohol therapy yesterday helped alot. If not i'll be moarning and wailing in bed today.
Tml will be another long day. Going for the selection and yc's birthday party!
Lets hope my head can stop spinning by tml. Then i'll be stealing yc's limelight.
bwahaha!!
Catching the falling leaves ...[11:39 PM]
****** ******
Wednesday, December 20, 2006
high blood Cholesterol
I knew this day will come.
Got back the blood test report and the results indicated that my blood cholesterol is high. When it says high, it means REALLY high... Oh well..
Guess its a matter of time when i'll contribute to the statistic of people who died of heart attack in their sleeps. Its quite popular recently. Nope, you dont need a death note to do that.
I get what i deserve for being such a glutton.
I knew this day will come.
Got back the blood test report and the results indicated that my blood cholesterol is high. When it says high, it means REALLY high... Oh well..
Guess its a matter of time when i'll contribute to the statistic of people who died of heart attack in their sleeps. Its quite popular recently. Nope, you dont need a death note to do that.
I get what i deserve for being such a glutton.
Catching the falling leaves ...[12:46 AM]
****** ******
Sunday, December 17, 2006
fatherhood
"you hated someone so much, that it changes your entire life. YET you owe him your entire life"
Today was the first time after SO many months that i've eaten together with him. He sat across the table. We were sitting face to face.
This was one of the very rare occasion when i really studied how he look.
Its hard to imagine how people can age so much before you can really realise it. I don't really dare to count how old is he now.
I don't have much memories about him being in my childhood life, neither of him being anywhere else in any part of my life.
The faintest good and pleasant early (and not so early) memories i have abt him is once again KITES, and bicycle.
AT times, i wondered who is he to me?
Weicai got his father a canon camera which cost $700 plus yesterday. Yet for me, i couldnt let myself to assist him when he needed me the most. I resisted getting to know anything about the stuff he is doing.
ACT Blur. Yes, its the inbuild self protecting mechanicism instill within me after all these years. And that reminds me of another skill of self protection i've got to know, a fake smile..Not to be a hypocrite, but to force yourself look happy so that others around you will not be sad and miserable as you are.
Who am i to him?
"blame on the fact that his mother died when he was little"
Is this becoming a fact? That all parents whom mother died young will become selfish and mean?
The longest time being together with him alone was like 3 hrs while we were waiting for plane transition at hongkong. The 3 hrs were quite silent i would say.
I envy yonglin who can be so friend friend with his father.
"you hated someone so much, that it changes your entire life. YET you owe him your entire life"
Today was the first time after SO many months that i've eaten together with him. He sat across the table. We were sitting face to face.
This was one of the very rare occasion when i really studied how he look.
Its hard to imagine how people can age so much before you can really realise it. I don't really dare to count how old is he now.
I don't have much memories about him being in my childhood life, neither of him being anywhere else in any part of my life.
The faintest good and pleasant early (and not so early) memories i have abt him is once again KITES, and bicycle.
AT times, i wondered who is he to me?
Weicai got his father a canon camera which cost $700 plus yesterday. Yet for me, i couldnt let myself to assist him when he needed me the most. I resisted getting to know anything about the stuff he is doing.
ACT Blur. Yes, its the inbuild self protecting mechanicism instill within me after all these years. And that reminds me of another skill of self protection i've got to know, a fake smile..Not to be a hypocrite, but to force yourself look happy so that others around you will not be sad and miserable as you are.
Who am i to him?
"blame on the fact that his mother died when he was little"
Is this becoming a fact? That all parents whom mother died young will become selfish and mean?
The longest time being together with him alone was like 3 hrs while we were waiting for plane transition at hongkong. The 3 hrs were quite silent i would say.
I envy yonglin who can be so friend friend with his father.
Catching the falling leaves ...[10:25 PM]
****** ******
New Future
Today is supposed to be a 'make over' day for yongcheng as next week will be his birthday party!!
Itinerary for today was to shop for clothes and make his hair nice nice.
He studied for a nice hairstyle for the hairstylist to style. And she started snapping thru. Added styling paste and stuff to make it pretty.
He looked quite cool i must say, with the hair untidily styled up.
Somehow he doesn't feel statisfied.
"Look like didn't cut much leh, the $8 baber can cut even more..."
I was like -_-
Well, apparently he got some hairstyle in his mind that he really wanted, yet he couldnt achieve that... Oh well... Too bad.
While on our way to buy new clothes. We became so hungry hence decided to consume our lunch.
'KFC!' we suggested at the same time.
WE chatted our plans for the future. (ended up me having to rush for my afternoon stuff and we didnt have time to buy anything else)
The plans of his were something that i've never expected. After knowing him so long, I knew that he what he wants and knew that he can surely make it. Nevertheless, I never expect him to take up this path to achieve this dreams.
He IS determined, i'm amazed.
For the first time, i tried to explain what i'm doing to someone else.
He doesn't understand what i was trying to say.
Or maybe its me who wasn't able to say it out clearly.
He brought out a card indicating the most commonly goals people want to achieve in their live.
None of them fits in.
I think i really confused him....
I want to shine brighter than any other star.
As long as you dont give up, the starlight will always be there for you.
May our dreams reach out beyond the universe...
Today is supposed to be a 'make over' day for yongcheng as next week will be his birthday party!!
Itinerary for today was to shop for clothes and make his hair nice nice.
He studied for a nice hairstyle for the hairstylist to style. And she started snapping thru. Added styling paste and stuff to make it pretty.
He looked quite cool i must say, with the hair untidily styled up.
Somehow he doesn't feel statisfied.
"Look like didn't cut much leh, the $8 baber can cut even more..."
I was like -_-
Well, apparently he got some hairstyle in his mind that he really wanted, yet he couldnt achieve that... Oh well... Too bad.
While on our way to buy new clothes. We became so hungry hence decided to consume our lunch.
'KFC!' we suggested at the same time.
WE chatted our plans for the future. (ended up me having to rush for my afternoon stuff and we didnt have time to buy anything else)
The plans of his were something that i've never expected. After knowing him so long, I knew that he what he wants and knew that he can surely make it. Nevertheless, I never expect him to take up this path to achieve this dreams.
He IS determined, i'm amazed.
For the first time, i tried to explain what i'm doing to someone else.
He doesn't understand what i was trying to say.
Or maybe its me who wasn't able to say it out clearly.
He brought out a card indicating the most commonly goals people want to achieve in their live.
None of them fits in.
I think i really confused him....
I want to shine brighter than any other star.
As long as you dont give up, the starlight will always be there for you.
May our dreams reach out beyond the universe...
Catching the falling leaves ...[6:31 PM]
****** ******
Saturday, December 16, 2006
Sailor Soldier
There isn't much things in my life that i can be proud about.
That is why whenever i got something that i'm proud of to brag about, i'll make full use of it. These are the few little things to make me happy. I wouldnt allow it to be otherwise.
Thats how the image of me being proud, happy and stubborn comes about.
I can't believe i've failed on something which i knew i'm always good at. Its definitely an insult to me and my pride.
Feel so disgruntled today. I really wonder if it is myself to blame this time. Which i always did. I always blame things on myself for the past few yrs. ie Even if its really the others fault, i will blame that i'm too slow not being able to stop their fault... Maybe its my fault no to be more slutty and go about asking more tips and pointers...
Such an irony to think that i've passed my greatest fear, driving, the first time (with ONLY 2 demerit point!! wah! i'm so good)... whereas I'm defeated at my own domain... haiz...
There isn't much things in my life that i can be proud about.
That is why whenever i got something that i'm proud of to brag about, i'll make full use of it. These are the few little things to make me happy. I wouldnt allow it to be otherwise.
Thats how the image of me being proud, happy and stubborn comes about.
I can't believe i've failed on something which i knew i'm always good at. Its definitely an insult to me and my pride.
Feel so disgruntled today. I really wonder if it is myself to blame this time. Which i always did. I always blame things on myself for the past few yrs. ie Even if its really the others fault, i will blame that i'm too slow not being able to stop their fault... Maybe its my fault no to be more slutty and go about asking more tips and pointers...
Such an irony to think that i've passed my greatest fear, driving, the first time (with ONLY 2 demerit point!! wah! i'm so good)... whereas I'm defeated at my own domain... haiz...
Catching the falling leaves ...[9:41 PM]
****** ******
Thursday, December 14, 2006
A day in a slack life
I've wasted a day today.
Needed a break for my ultra bz schedule. Anymore of such stuff i think my brain will explode.
Actually i think the sole reason is that i got absolutely no motivation (and mood) to do anything today.
Will be collecting my laptop tml, and saturday will be my assessment...
If everything goes smoothly for the assessment, i'll be going for the selection next week.
And if i'm good enough, i'll be going overseas for my course early next yr.
Woke up rather early today though i'm intending to wake up at 9. Thats a good sign as i'm training and conditioning my body to sleep lesser and lesser ever since i ord. I feel that people spent too much time on sleeping, they can sleep as long as they want when they die. But the thing is, i myself will get super tired if i dont get enough of 8 hrs of sleep! Thats why i'm forcing myself to be conditioned of sleeping less. I'm determined and i need all the time i can fork out.
Morning
I've washed my clothes, help to move out all of mother's potted plants to sun, vacuum the staircase and rooms, cleaned the carpark with detergent and brush. Phew! To think i didn't think it is humanely possible for such a house, yet mother has been doing it all these while.
Afternoon
Perhaps i'm not conditioned in doing housework, i got so tired in the afternoon that i fell asleep while reading my theory test book. Thats another 2 hrs gone. oh my...
Night
did my online research (as usual)
sent a proposal to frederick. it really amazes me of the ideas i can think out of in order to achieve my goals.
Had a long conversation with ntk on msn..Chatting with him nv fails to make me free protected and safe... (yes yes... more of such 'army is my scanctuary' feelings)
Seeing (and experienced) how sheltered and routine his life can be, i couldn't resist but to ask him the question,"do you have dreams?"
And i have a typical reply from him.
There are just so much things i wanted to share with him. I want to tell him of the many many things i'm doing now and the changes i'm going thru, but i covered them up by saying 'i'm going overseas to play!!" or 'just bz lor' . This is something i have to go through myself, its my battle. I typed in "you know me so well har?" . I know he does, when i was in the army. Then i unconsciously typed 'hopefully you can still recognise me when you see me next time", of cos he was suspicious of what i'm saying. I quickly changed the topic...
He knew nothing about me.
I've wasted a day today.
Needed a break for my ultra bz schedule. Anymore of such stuff i think my brain will explode.
Actually i think the sole reason is that i got absolutely no motivation (and mood) to do anything today.
Will be collecting my laptop tml, and saturday will be my assessment...
If everything goes smoothly for the assessment, i'll be going for the selection next week.
And if i'm good enough, i'll be going overseas for my course early next yr.
Woke up rather early today though i'm intending to wake up at 9. Thats a good sign as i'm training and conditioning my body to sleep lesser and lesser ever since i ord. I feel that people spent too much time on sleeping, they can sleep as long as they want when they die. But the thing is, i myself will get super tired if i dont get enough of 8 hrs of sleep! Thats why i'm forcing myself to be conditioned of sleeping less. I'm determined and i need all the time i can fork out.
Morning
I've washed my clothes, help to move out all of mother's potted plants to sun, vacuum the staircase and rooms, cleaned the carpark with detergent and brush. Phew! To think i didn't think it is humanely possible for such a house, yet mother has been doing it all these while.
Afternoon
Perhaps i'm not conditioned in doing housework, i got so tired in the afternoon that i fell asleep while reading my theory test book. Thats another 2 hrs gone. oh my...
Night
did my online research (as usual)
sent a proposal to frederick. it really amazes me of the ideas i can think out of in order to achieve my goals.
Had a long conversation with ntk on msn..Chatting with him nv fails to make me free protected and safe... (yes yes... more of such 'army is my scanctuary' feelings)
Seeing (and experienced) how sheltered and routine his life can be, i couldn't resist but to ask him the question,"do you have dreams?"
And i have a typical reply from him.
There are just so much things i wanted to share with him. I want to tell him of the many many things i'm doing now and the changes i'm going thru, but i covered them up by saying 'i'm going overseas to play!!" or 'just bz lor' . This is something i have to go through myself, its my battle. I typed in "you know me so well har?" . I know he does, when i was in the army. Then i unconsciously typed 'hopefully you can still recognise me when you see me next time", of cos he was suspicious of what i'm saying. I quickly changed the topic...
He knew nothing about me.
Catching the falling leaves ...[8:55 PM]
****** ******
Monday, December 11, 2006
facial??
I wonder if it is basic courtesy for anyone upon trying to guess the age of someone by deducting 25% from the actual.
Ie if you are 40, people will 'guess' that u are 30; if you are 80, people will guess its 60 and of course if you are 20, people will guess that you are 15....
For consecutive 3 weeks there are people who was asking me of my age.
All agreed that i looked like i'm from secondary school.
The first one was 2 old people around the age of 60
Second time was 2 guys around the age of 30 plus
This time round was a 12 yr old .
He was saying,"you look like you secondary school only"
I played along this time,"oh issit? cos i got bao yang ma, got do facial one leh!"
him,"then you really like cucumber!"
me,"haha! no lah! i used carrots!"
I dont think the 12 yr old will be such a hypocrite ba, i think he truely meant it.
Then on second thought, i think all of them truely mean it. Theres absolutely no point for them to be so courteous ba..
I wonder if it is basic courtesy for anyone upon trying to guess the age of someone by deducting 25% from the actual.
Ie if you are 40, people will 'guess' that u are 30; if you are 80, people will guess its 60 and of course if you are 20, people will guess that you are 15....
For consecutive 3 weeks there are people who was asking me of my age.
All agreed that i looked like i'm from secondary school.
The first one was 2 old people around the age of 60
Second time was 2 guys around the age of 30 plus
This time round was a 12 yr old .
He was saying,"you look like you secondary school only"
I played along this time,"oh issit? cos i got bao yang ma, got do facial one leh!"
him,"then you really like cucumber!"
me,"haha! no lah! i used carrots!"
I dont think the 12 yr old will be such a hypocrite ba, i think he truely meant it.
Then on second thought, i think all of them truely mean it. Theres absolutely no point for them to be so courteous ba..
Catching the falling leaves ...[11:34 PM]
****** ******
Saturday, December 09, 2006
咒语
“血红色的长发，竟然如此美丽。看着看着，让视线无法离开，身体也动弹不得。仿佛时间停止一样。。。”
“血红色的长发，竟然如此美丽。看着看着，让视线无法离开，身体也动弹不得。仿佛时间停止一样。。。”
Catching the falling leaves ...[10:28 PM]
****** ******
Thursday, December 07, 2006
Senseless rant
1)Went to the hospital once again.
His operation last week was smooth, leaving him with just a 30 cm scar at his stomach around the liver area. Going for another operation soon as he can no longer use his right hand. The operation involves adding some metals into his arm and to connect the nerves etc. Chances are that after 6 months of physio therapy, he can only recover up to 90%. Nonetheless, his life will never be the same again.
Its really amazing to see how just one incident changes everything. Reminded me of poor chungee 4 yrs ago.
I think i've mentioned to my close friends before. If by any chance i landed in hospital due to some horrible horrible incident (which most would be cheering at home), pls do not ever come visit me. I'll hate you forever if you do so. In fact, i may just jump off the bed and slap you.
-----------------------
2) I truely understand the feeling of yearning for someone to agree with you and to help you with the problems at hand. I really do. Call me selfish, or even willful. Whatever. I've know what it is like to put two super stubborn people who views things different together. More suffering for one side. All i can say is that i'm sorry. Perhaps this may be the every few things i might just regrat not doing in the future, i don't know yet. Time will tell.
1)Went to the hospital once again.
His operation last week was smooth, leaving him with just a 30 cm scar at his stomach around the liver area. Going for another operation soon as he can no longer use his right hand. The operation involves adding some metals into his arm and to connect the nerves etc. Chances are that after 6 months of physio therapy, he can only recover up to 90%. Nonetheless, his life will never be the same again.
Its really amazing to see how just one incident changes everything. Reminded me of poor chungee 4 yrs ago.
I think i've mentioned to my close friends before. If by any chance i landed in hospital due to some horrible horrible incident (which most would be cheering at home), pls do not ever come visit me. I'll hate you forever if you do so. In fact, i may just jump off the bed and slap you.
-----------------------
2) I truely understand the feeling of yearning for someone to agree with you and to help you with the problems at hand. I really do. Call me selfish, or even willful. Whatever. I've know what it is like to put two super stubborn people who views things different together. More suffering for one side. All i can say is that i'm sorry. Perhaps this may be the every few things i might just regrat not doing in the future, i don't know yet. Time will tell.
Catching the falling leaves ...[10:49 PM]
****** ******
Wednesday, December 06, 2006
Vindictive
There is something that has been rather disturbing that i've been thinking.
Most of my close friends i knew in army are all perfectionist. Birds of the same feather flocks together i supposed. The people from my room always asked how come i'm so close with people from other department and i guess this is the reason. I'm just attracted to people who are perfect and unique, who doesn't?
BUT
There is something that has been rather disturbing that i've been thinking.
Most of my close friends i knew in army are all perfectionist. Birds of the same feather flocks together i supposed. The people from my room always asked how come i'm so close with people from other department and i guess this is the reason. I'm just attracted to people who are perfect and unique, who doesn't?
BUT
Have you ever met someone whom seems so perfect to the extent that instead of socialising with him, you felt irritated when he tried to contact you, avoiding him as much as possible and you only feel its an obligation to meet up with him?
'You respect someone so much, that you are unwilling to get to know him better...'
I really wondered why i behaved in such a way for a long time.
It was only today that i've found the answers i've been looking for. And i just discovered a trait of mine that i've been trying to conceal...
------------------------------
Went for a gathering just now with people i've never knew but who went through similar path as mine. In fact a handful of them had already graduated from uni, whereas most were still studying ranging from 2nd yr to final yr... I'm so inspired by them, they truely shine.
Hearing from them what they have gone through made me appreciate even more what i've been doing for this period. This gathering has been insightful, and i'm glad that i've attended.
Catching the falling leaves ...[9:45 PM]
****** ******
Monday, December 04, 2006
you are my world
Was in a deep sleep last night (anyway, i've slept for 12 hrs straight), when i found myself in a semi conscious mode. Whether i was awake or dreaming, i dont really know. It was then i started thinking deliriously how amazing it is that one's life can change another and this goes on and on...
Then this phrase started running through my head during my sleep, maybe i've read it somewhere or something,. "You've got to take me with you. Teach me everything you know. I want to go with you.I want so much to be like you"
In life, there are people whom you respect a lot to the extent that they changed your life so much that you didn't even realised it. They are everything to you, they are your world.
I think i unconsciously shed a tear or two upon the thought of it during my sleep.
Perhaps it is my philosophical essay of "the wind and ghost" i was planning to write abt, maybe it was after watching my coach played during the table tennis match yesterday night that made me started thinking. Or perhaps it was due to my long conversation with my primary school schoolmate whom i only get to unite during army and realised that we will be studying the same course next yr!
Its really amazing how things turn out the way it is now.
To see who you turn out to be, really make everyone wonder is it what others made you up who you are? or you choose who you want to be?
Those chinese fortune teller would say its the face. Though i believe that there are some truth in it. Kids who are cute tend to get more attention and hence become more confident when they grow up... think along that line...
I guess i always spend too much time on such endless and senseless nonsensical thoughts and rants.. haha
Was in a deep sleep last night (anyway, i've slept for 12 hrs straight), when i found myself in a semi conscious mode. Whether i was awake or dreaming, i dont really know. It was then i started thinking deliriously how amazing it is that one's life can change another and this goes on and on...
Then this phrase started running through my head during my sleep, maybe i've read it somewhere or something,. "You've got to take me with you. Teach me everything you know. I want to go with you.I want so much to be like you"
In life, there are people whom you respect a lot to the extent that they changed your life so much that you didn't even realised it. They are everything to you, they are your world.
I think i unconsciously shed a tear or two upon the thought of it during my sleep.
Perhaps it is my philosophical essay of "the wind and ghost" i was planning to write abt, maybe it was after watching my coach played during the table tennis match yesterday night that made me started thinking. Or perhaps it was due to my long conversation with my primary school schoolmate whom i only get to unite during army and realised that we will be studying the same course next yr!
Its really amazing how things turn out the way it is now.
To see who you turn out to be, really make everyone wonder is it what others made you up who you are? or you choose who you want to be?
Those chinese fortune teller would say its the face. Though i believe that there are some truth in it. Kids who are cute tend to get more attention and hence become more confident when they grow up... think along that line...
I guess i always spend too much time on such endless and senseless nonsensical thoughts and rants.. haha
Catching the falling leaves ...[5:14 PM]
****** ******
Sunday, December 03, 2006
Somebody chop off my legs!!
I guess I get what i deserved for being over confident and not going for the training required. I almost bursted into tears when i reached the finishing point, anymore dramatic i think my picture will be the cover guy for standard charter marathon 2007.
I started off the first 23km at a super slow pace with wc. People like ef and yl already bypassed us by a great distance. i knew any faster will lead to dire consequences. Think that i'm lucky for wc to be there to control my pace, else i'll be going at my usual speed. So from the start we hopped from one person to another who was wearing motivational number tag behind. There were "its all in your mind", " jia you", "say hi to me when u overtake me"...etc.. its just so funny to read some of the people's motivational tags. I think i'll put something liddat on next yr to join in the fun. If i'm taking part.
Saw chris at the 15km mark. He was not running, instead , he was the runspirator! Along the way saw aloysius, chun hern, jeffrey, roy etc.. didn't expect to see these people to be there are all. Seriously.
The last 5 km was horrible. Both my legs were shutting down completely. It started off with acute cramps and pains which i ignored, the situation was so servre to the extent that i became numbed with pain (is there such desciption at all??!), as though its has been poisoned or something. It was then the motivator tag in front said "Pain is only momentary, achievement is forever", quite cool right?
Currently, i can't bent my knees and even stand up straight. Think i've over exert myself too much.. Alright then, time for massage!
I guess I get what i deserved for being over confident and not going for the training required. I almost bursted into tears when i reached the finishing point, anymore dramatic i think my picture will be the cover guy for standard charter marathon 2007.
I started off the first 23km at a super slow pace with wc. People like ef and yl already bypassed us by a great distance. i knew any faster will lead to dire consequences. Think that i'm lucky for wc to be there to control my pace, else i'll be going at my usual speed. So from the start we hopped from one person to another who was wearing motivational number tag behind. There were "its all in your mind", " jia you", "say hi to me when u overtake me"...etc.. its just so funny to read some of the people's motivational tags. I think i'll put something liddat on next yr to join in the fun. If i'm taking part.
Saw chris at the 15km mark. He was not running, instead , he was the runspirator! Along the way saw aloysius, chun hern, jeffrey, roy etc.. didn't expect to see these people to be there are all. Seriously.
The last 5 km was horrible. Both my legs were shutting down completely. It started off with acute cramps and pains which i ignored, the situation was so servre to the extent that i became numbed with pain (is there such desciption at all??!), as though its has been poisoned or something. It was then the motivator tag in front said "Pain is only momentary, achievement is forever", quite cool right?
Currently, i can't bent my knees and even stand up straight. Think i've over exert myself too much.. Alright then, time for massage!
Catching the falling leaves ...[4:39 PM]
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