Tuesday, February 27, 2007
The curious incident of a hospital visit at night time
2) It was 1155pm last night. I was brushing my teeth, about to go to sleep. If i need my required 7hrs of rest to start the next day, i'll have to sleep at 12am sharp
3) Halfway upon doing so, i heard some commotion downstairs, hence i took a look. Mother was all dressed up, about to leave home with father. They were talking about which clinic to go to. Knowing of one 24 hrs clinic just round cck, i shouted down to give the suggestion, with the foam in the mouth of course.
5) Something must be horribly wrong for them to move out so suddenly. I grabbed my hp and wallet, and followed them down. I just couldn't go anywhere without these 2 items. I'm glad i followed.
7) mother was in terrible shape. With my assistance, we walked into the clinic only to discover that the doctor couldn't help much. $58 consultation fee was given for the dianogostic to send her to the hospital.
11) We sped to NUS within 20 mins. During the ride, i couldnt help it but to think that she was the 2nd person i've celebrated birthday with this yr. If anything happens fatal was to happen, i will not be celebrating anyone's birthday anymore.
13) Nonetheless, I'm well equipped of knowledge of first aid and several skills, my role then was too important to be in the daze to think about such stuff. Snapped out of it almost immediately and did what i need to do during the ride.
17) I couldnt believe that the EMERGENCY queue was estimated to take 4 hrs after being attended by professional.
I was typing halfway when a commotion started downstairs.... It started once again, sooner than i thought....
(i came back at 11pm to continue, but now really dont feel like typing anything. i'll just briefly type thru)
19) We waited and waited and waited. GOt attended and everything ended at 5am. We reached home at 6am.
23) ganesha called me at 8am.... how timely..
2) It was 1155pm last night. I was brushing my teeth, about to go to sleep. If i need my required 7hrs of rest to start the next day, i'll have to sleep at 12am sharp
3) Halfway upon doing so, i heard some commotion downstairs, hence i took a look. Mother was all dressed up, about to leave home with father. They were talking about which clinic to go to. Knowing of one 24 hrs clinic just round cck, i shouted down to give the suggestion, with the foam in the mouth of course.
5) Something must be horribly wrong for them to move out so suddenly. I grabbed my hp and wallet, and followed them down. I just couldn't go anywhere without these 2 items. I'm glad i followed.
7) mother was in terrible shape. With my assistance, we walked into the clinic only to discover that the doctor couldn't help much. $58 consultation fee was given for the dianogostic to send her to the hospital.
11) We sped to NUS within 20 mins. During the ride, i couldnt help it but to think that she was the 2nd person i've celebrated birthday with this yr. If anything happens fatal was to happen, i will not be celebrating anyone's birthday anymore.
13) Nonetheless, I'm well equipped of knowledge of first aid and several skills, my role then was too important to be in the daze to think about such stuff. Snapped out of it almost immediately and did what i need to do during the ride.
17) I couldnt believe that the EMERGENCY queue was estimated to take 4 hrs after being attended by professional.
I was typing halfway when a commotion started downstairs.... It started once again, sooner than i thought....
(i came back at 11pm to continue, but now really dont feel like typing anything. i'll just briefly type thru)
19) We waited and waited and waited. GOt attended and everything ended at 5am. We reached home at 6am.
23) ganesha called me at 8am.... how timely..
Catching the falling leaves ...[9:02 PM]
****** ******
Saturday, February 24, 2007
I'm behaving like so because....
There are people who says that i'm weird, i would stubbornly say that i'm special.
But i never really questioned myself why am i behaving like so.
(other then the middle child syndrome i'm suffering)
Until today.
I've started or should i say continue my routine of persuiting my dreams. And for me to do so, i MUST eliminate my weakness in the process.
I've came up with a few disorders that i might be suffering
1)abnormal narcissism- Its affecting my attachment to people and things. And according to Freud, it includes erotic attachment as well... Because of this, it has lead me to several psychotic illnesses, including depression, hypochondria, schizophrenia and megalomania. All of which i've already experienced and overcomed by myself, i hope...
Things would have been much easier for me if i've known about such condition earlier. I'll be able to solve all my problems quickly in the past if i had known why i'm feeling so.
2)Oedipus Complex- at times i was wondering if i really like her or just cos of the competitiveness or what. Oedipus Complex explains why guys choose their partner that resemble their mother. And because i'm too particular with this and no two people can be similar, made it extremely difficult for me to be interested in any girl i've met. All girls seemed so normal as i always say.
3) Super ego... very chim, dunno how to explain..
4)reminiscence - as much as i wanted my past to be part of my strenght, it can really hold me back as well. Hysteria is caused by reminiscence, so in the future if you see me laughing hysterically, you will know why.
According to my references, FEAR and DESIRE are the primary source of all cause. Its something i've learnt myself the hard way, that was why i'm always taking about courage and be fearless. My FEARs really prevented me from doing anything, hence leads to everything. I had great fear within me. As for desire, i had a very chim concept which is too wordy to type at this point.
There are reasons why i really wanted to take psychology as a minor. I need to know why. I strongly believe that an unexamined life is a life not truely lived. Only if one can understand oneself, one will know the way.
There are people who says that i'm weird, i would stubbornly say that i'm special.
But i never really questioned myself why am i behaving like so.
(other then the middle child syndrome i'm suffering)
Until today.
I've started or should i say continue my routine of persuiting my dreams. And for me to do so, i MUST eliminate my weakness in the process.
I've came up with a few disorders that i might be suffering
1)abnormal narcissism- Its affecting my attachment to people and things. And according to Freud, it includes erotic attachment as well... Because of this, it has lead me to several psychotic illnesses, including depression, hypochondria, schizophrenia and megalomania. All of which i've already experienced and overcomed by myself, i hope...
Things would have been much easier for me if i've known about such condition earlier. I'll be able to solve all my problems quickly in the past if i had known why i'm feeling so.
2)Oedipus Complex- at times i was wondering if i really like her or just cos of the competitiveness or what. Oedipus Complex explains why guys choose their partner that resemble their mother. And because i'm too particular with this and no two people can be similar, made it extremely difficult for me to be interested in any girl i've met. All girls seemed so normal as i always say.
3) Super ego... very chim, dunno how to explain..
4)reminiscence - as much as i wanted my past to be part of my strenght, it can really hold me back as well. Hysteria is caused by reminiscence, so in the future if you see me laughing hysterically, you will know why.
According to my references, FEAR and DESIRE are the primary source of all cause. Its something i've learnt myself the hard way, that was why i'm always taking about courage and be fearless. My FEARs really prevented me from doing anything, hence leads to everything. I had great fear within me. As for desire, i had a very chim concept which is too wordy to type at this point.
There are reasons why i really wanted to take psychology as a minor. I need to know why. I strongly believe that an unexamined life is a life not truely lived. Only if one can understand oneself, one will know the way.
Catching the falling leaves ...[2:10 AM]
****** ******
Friday, February 23, 2007
CNY!!
Whenever I encountered with any depressing situation, i will always think of others who are suffering as well. It is most comforting to know that i am not going through this alone. And if the impact on the others is worst than mine, all the more i should pick myself up quickly to help them.
Reading alex's gf blog can be quite heartwrenching. Lets hope she can move on with her life soon, shan't we? For myself, i've made several grave mistakes last week as i was in a daze, resulted in lost of thousands. To think i kept on bragging of my professionalism that i would never mix personal stuff with it.. Oh well, everything was over as of last week, mistakes made, life still have to move on.
(ps. Once again, i've gotten a little pocket money when alex's funeral day and death day came out for 4d on sun and wed respectively. Thanks for your angbao alex. Thats all i bought, maybe the next time i buy 4d is another few decades i hope..)
==========================
It has been 4 yrs since our family celebrated cny. And there can only be 1 reason why anyone will want to avoid celebrating cny. isn't it? well for us, we got 2 sets of this 1 reason...
I love celebrating CNY. Its just so enjoyable inviting people to your place, making this what is normally quiet and empty house, so lively. Well, just so happens mother's birthday coincides with the day, we celebrated her birthday as well!
(mother's 'acting cute pose' number 3)
The day was all my relatives from my mother's side coming in and out. As they came in batches, i think i've ate like 3-4 times of steamboat in total as i needed to entertain them. Or shld i say, eat to have the energy to babysit the children! They were so.... lively... Wouldn't they get tired just running up and down my stairs?
DAy 1 was easy as everyone is there to handle them.
Problem started on the day4, when sister and father started work while brother went out to play(totally 'forgotten' that we are having visitors)
Leaving only mother and myself. Mother entertained the guest, while I got the worst part...
Looks easy? Well, this taking photo session was the ONLY time they sat still. They are relative from malaysia... And u know malaysian childrens.
During the few hrs in house, they broke my hourglass, found my ninja-turtles sais and started attacking, my slippers found its way to the 3rd level and was thrown down..
Lets pray they are not having a 4th one next yr....
I've read my old blog abt the things we done last yr. Rather depressing i would say, having kfc's properity meal as our reunion dinner.
I hope every year will be just like this yr.
Happy New Yr everyone!
Whenever I encountered with any depressing situation, i will always think of others who are suffering as well. It is most comforting to know that i am not going through this alone. And if the impact on the others is worst than mine, all the more i should pick myself up quickly to help them.
Reading alex's gf blog can be quite heartwrenching. Lets hope she can move on with her life soon, shan't we? For myself, i've made several grave mistakes last week as i was in a daze, resulted in lost of thousands. To think i kept on bragging of my professionalism that i would never mix personal stuff with it.. Oh well, everything was over as of last week, mistakes made, life still have to move on.
(ps. Once again, i've gotten a little pocket money when alex's funeral day and death day came out for 4d on sun and wed respectively. Thanks for your angbao alex. Thats all i bought, maybe the next time i buy 4d is another few decades i hope..)
==========================
It has been 4 yrs since our family celebrated cny. And there can only be 1 reason why anyone will want to avoid celebrating cny. isn't it? well for us, we got 2 sets of this 1 reason...
I love celebrating CNY. Its just so enjoyable inviting people to your place, making this what is normally quiet and empty house, so lively. Well, just so happens mother's birthday coincides with the day, we celebrated her birthday as well!
(mother's 'acting cute pose' number 3)
The day was all my relatives from my mother's side coming in and out. As they came in batches, i think i've ate like 3-4 times of steamboat in total as i needed to entertain them. Or shld i say, eat to have the energy to babysit the children! They were so.... lively... Wouldn't they get tired just running up and down my stairs?
DAy 1 was easy as everyone is there to handle them.
Problem started on the day4, when sister and father started work while brother went out to play(totally 'forgotten' that we are having visitors)
Leaving only mother and myself. Mother entertained the guest, while I got the worst part...
Looks easy? Well, this taking photo session was the ONLY time they sat still. They are relative from malaysia... And u know malaysian childrens.
During the few hrs in house, they broke my hourglass, found my ninja-turtles sais and started attacking, my slippers found its way to the 3rd level and was thrown down..
Lets pray they are not having a 4th one next yr....
I've read my old blog abt the things we done last yr. Rather depressing i would say, having kfc's properity meal as our reunion dinner.
I hope every year will be just like this yr.
Happy New Yr everyone!
Catching the falling leaves ...[2:39 PM]
****** ******
Sunday, February 18, 2007
Goddess Rurosa: Legend of the Divine Demon
For many years, the war was fiercely fought by both the two classes. It seemed never ending.
Lives were lost.
No one really knew what happened to Queen Rurosa. For the Level A and B beings, Queen Rurosa remained as their Goddess and would blindly follow her orders. Level C and D, on the other hand, regard her as a Demon for her selfish desire to vanquish her own people.
Goddess and Demon were refering to the same person.
No one really remembered about the incident that caused such misery. That was the problem with people, they always forget.
It was only after many many years ago, a hero from another dimension appeared and found Queen Rurosa hiding deep within a labyrinth, buried underground in her country. It was only after skillful persuasion that Queen Rurosa finally appeared to address the problems by confronting her people.
"please help to stop this war," the hero said, looking into her eyes, the only part of her body not concealed,"why did you gave such an order and ran away?"
Queen Rurosa faced her people and removed her mask. Her face was once again revealed, the face so beautiful only to be tainted by the ugly scar on her left cheek.
"All of you are created from me, all of you are part of me," she spoke, crying," I made the order to destroy all level D beings was not because i hate them for destroying my beauty, but because they were all unstable and can be dangerous. I love you all so much that i dont want anyone else to be hurt by them. I ran away as the people i love so much hated me and i couldnt bear to face them...'
It was only then, everyone realised that the war that they had been having were meaningless. It should have ended long time ago if only Queen Rurosa had the courage to face her people and not to run away.
"i would like all of you to do a favor," Queen Rurosa added, looking sternly at them,' i hope that this period of war will never be recorded or mentioned at all. It will be only known as the Void Period"
"why? isn't it good for the future generation to know and remember this event so that they can learn from it?"the hero asked.
"if this event is recorded in every history textbook, it will be treated like just another boring historical event; BUT if it is treated like a mystery, everyone will be curious and will want to know what had really happened, wouldn't this have more impact?" Queen Rurosa explained mysteriously,"Everybody loves a sense of mystery don't they?"
=====================================
My Void period has just ended.
It should have ended long time ago but just that i never had the courage to face it.
I hate it NOT to tell anybody what i've been doing, and even have to gave lame excuse like 'running around here and there' to cover up.
This period will be buried deep within me and will never be shared.
Everybody loves the sense of mystery, dont they?
For many years, the war was fiercely fought by both the two classes. It seemed never ending.
Lives were lost.
No one really knew what happened to Queen Rurosa. For the Level A and B beings, Queen Rurosa remained as their Goddess and would blindly follow her orders. Level C and D, on the other hand, regard her as a Demon for her selfish desire to vanquish her own people.
Goddess and Demon were refering to the same person.
No one really remembered about the incident that caused such misery. That was the problem with people, they always forget.
It was only after many many years ago, a hero from another dimension appeared and found Queen Rurosa hiding deep within a labyrinth, buried underground in her country. It was only after skillful persuasion that Queen Rurosa finally appeared to address the problems by confronting her people.
"please help to stop this war," the hero said, looking into her eyes, the only part of her body not concealed,"why did you gave such an order and ran away?"
Queen Rurosa faced her people and removed her mask. Her face was once again revealed, the face so beautiful only to be tainted by the ugly scar on her left cheek.
"All of you are created from me, all of you are part of me," she spoke, crying," I made the order to destroy all level D beings was not because i hate them for destroying my beauty, but because they were all unstable and can be dangerous. I love you all so much that i dont want anyone else to be hurt by them. I ran away as the people i love so much hated me and i couldnt bear to face them...'
It was only then, everyone realised that the war that they had been having were meaningless. It should have ended long time ago if only Queen Rurosa had the courage to face her people and not to run away.
"i would like all of you to do a favor," Queen Rurosa added, looking sternly at them,' i hope that this period of war will never be recorded or mentioned at all. It will be only known as the Void Period"
"why? isn't it good for the future generation to know and remember this event so that they can learn from it?"the hero asked.
"if this event is recorded in every history textbook, it will be treated like just another boring historical event; BUT if it is treated like a mystery, everyone will be curious and will want to know what had really happened, wouldn't this have more impact?" Queen Rurosa explained mysteriously,"Everybody loves a sense of mystery don't they?"
=====================================
My Void period has just ended.
It should have ended long time ago but just that i never had the courage to face it.
I hate it NOT to tell anybody what i've been doing, and even have to gave lame excuse like 'running around here and there' to cover up.
This period will be buried deep within me and will never be shared.
Everybody loves the sense of mystery, dont they?
Catching the falling leaves ...[12:39 AM]
****** ******
Saturday, February 17, 2007
(A)lfred x (K)enneth x (A)lex
Team 16 aka Team A.K.A, is now missing an A....
Finally, after so many years. I've once again experienced the feeling of having tears running all over and nose being blocked. Once again i've experienced sleepless nights that ended off by me crying myself to sleep. Waking up only to realise that i've only slept for just a couple of hours. Eventhough i'm hungry, i just dont feel like eating anything. Peanuts and melon seeds were my daily meals since day 1. Most prob this is some pyschological disorder of me trying to torture myself for what had happened.
If such incident happens at any other time of my life, i might just be able to handle it easily. But now its my most critical period, i'm already spiritually broken down and to have another blow to add along, it was really too much for me.
"all hurts can be heal by time"ssg kenneth smsed after i left. (i think its the very first time he smsed me)
I dont have the luxuary of time. (on the contrary to what i've told most people i met during this period). Really. This is the truth i only tell my closest friends, including him.
During these 4 days, i've lost focus. Ended up causing inconvenience to everybody. Strictly speaking, i've became a burdern and the complications could be severe.
IF i need so much time to heal everytime such things happen, its not right for me, i can't allow this to happen, its just not my style.
As how our team system goes, if the tm commander is unable perform, the 2ic (alex) will have to upgrade his role to handle it; and if the 2ic was unable to do it, the 3rd In Charge, Alfred, will have to handle everything. He told me he had dreams to persuit. And i know that whatever he cannot accomplish, he will hope that i can.
Don't worry, you can depend on me, as always. You can entrust me to fulfill your wish of sailing the boundless world and to help you take your spirit to soar.
He will never truely die, as he has never truely lived.
For now, i've got over it, i hope. Instead of holding me back, he has become part of my strength.
I told myself that i'll not talk to anyone during the funeral. I knew whats the consequences if i do so. Everything was in control until the entire ceremony was over when my ex boss, ssg kenneth, appeared out of no where and asked,'how?'
Of cos people ask question must reply mah, so i replied,"how What?'
"how lor,' he said, as if expecting me to give a longer reply.
"people so sad liaoz still ask how..."i told him, moving closer to him,looking into his eyes,'we all just celebrated his birthday last week and..."
It was then what i knew would happen happened.
I broke down.
Feeling a need to hide my ugly expression from being seen, i plunged my head towards him. For the first time, i realised that people of such big size can be so comfortable to lean onto.
I dont know how long i was devasated or what i told him along the way. All i could remember was that i clenched him on his back rather hard. Everything was so blurry until i found myself back to reality and suddenly pushed him aside..
"haha! ok already,' i took a step back, taking a deep breath,'dont need you liaoz!"
Of cos people ask question must reply mah, so i replied,"how What?'
"how lor,' he said, as if expecting me to give a longer reply.
"people so sad liaoz still ask how..."i told him, moving closer to him,looking into his eyes,'we all just celebrated his birthday last week and..."
It was then what i knew would happen happened.
I broke down.
Feeling a need to hide my ugly expression from being seen, i plunged my head towards him. For the first time, i realised that people of such big size can be so comfortable to lean onto.
I dont know how long i was devasated or what i told him along the way. All i could remember was that i clenched him on his back rather hard. Everything was so blurry until i found myself back to reality and suddenly pushed him aside..
"haha! ok already,' i took a step back, taking a deep breath,'dont need you liaoz!"
Once again the weather changed in response to my emotion, the wind kept on blowing and it rained.
Team 16 aka Team A.K.A, is now missing an A....
Finally, after so many years. I've once again experienced the feeling of having tears running all over and nose being blocked. Once again i've experienced sleepless nights that ended off by me crying myself to sleep. Waking up only to realise that i've only slept for just a couple of hours. Eventhough i'm hungry, i just dont feel like eating anything. Peanuts and melon seeds were my daily meals since day 1. Most prob this is some pyschological disorder of me trying to torture myself for what had happened.
If such incident happens at any other time of my life, i might just be able to handle it easily. But now its my most critical period, i'm already spiritually broken down and to have another blow to add along, it was really too much for me.
"all hurts can be heal by time"ssg kenneth smsed after i left. (i think its the very first time he smsed me)
I dont have the luxuary of time. (on the contrary to what i've told most people i met during this period). Really. This is the truth i only tell my closest friends, including him.
During these 4 days, i've lost focus. Ended up causing inconvenience to everybody. Strictly speaking, i've became a burdern and the complications could be severe.
IF i need so much time to heal everytime such things happen, its not right for me, i can't allow this to happen, its just not my style.
As how our team system goes, if the tm commander is unable perform, the 2ic (alex) will have to upgrade his role to handle it; and if the 2ic was unable to do it, the 3rd In Charge, Alfred, will have to handle everything. He told me he had dreams to persuit. And i know that whatever he cannot accomplish, he will hope that i can.
Don't worry, you can depend on me, as always. You can entrust me to fulfill your wish of sailing the boundless world and to help you take your spirit to soar.
He will never truely die, as he has never truely lived.
For now, i've got over it, i hope. Instead of holding me back, he has become part of my strength.
Alex is a nice name.
Catching the falling leaves ...[1:26 AM]
****** ******
Monday, February 12, 2007
Of ghost and wind
Joseph was the first to msg me around 8am,"Hey! staff tk met an accident this morning, he passed away. We will be attending the wake on wed."
Ssg Koh was the second," staff ng teck kiong met motor accident this morning and he passed away, fyi"
'aiyoh! how can liddat,' i thought, 'Cny coming liaoz still make such joke... just cos i hid the lucky rock that night you all how can stage up such a thing. Most prob its instigated by gu...'
Of cos, i knew deep down inside that no one will make such a joke out of anyone. I pretended not to receive any msg.
wk called within minutes," you received any sms from ssg koh?"
"wat msg?" acting blur.
"you hear liao dont be alarm hor,"he said, sounded rather jumpy
"oh ok.."
"you know hor... tis morning......
"oh... liddat har? aiyoh! he very troublesome leh. Told him to buy a car still dont want to buy... ok lah ok lah... i very bz, you go arrange the time so we all can go visit him...i no time to do so" I said stubbornly.
Part of me was in denial, most prob wk also involve in this prank too! He has always been easily deceived.
For the entire day i was sending sms and speaking in the tone,"oh issit? tml we go down visit him lor! Aiyoh! he cannot make it lah, told him to be careful liaoz he dont want to listen. Always gives other people trouble one...."
Acted like an idiot.
I dont know what to feel or what i should feel... he is my first friend who died... waoh... congrats..
--------------------------------
It was his birthday last week. I got him a super nice Levis belt which i carefully handpicked. I selected another similar one of different colour for me as well.
Along with it, a note was written:
To NTK,
orignally wanted to think of something witty to write (perhaps in malay or german) but I really don't have the luxuary of time. Noticed no proper wrapping paper was bought and used. Anyway, this is my last drawing paper, so do take care of it.
Many things had happened throughout these few months! And i'm enjoying every moment of it! I've been to places that no one would dare to go; met and interacted with little people whom i never thought existed. Some of the experiences were pleasant whereas others can be a little tacky. Eitheway, with my capabilities, nothing can be too hard to handle.
Hows life over there? Not too monotonous I hoped. You seemed rather free, lets hope you are not causing any trouble to others.
Anyway, i'll be starting my uni life in may, and I'll put in everything I got for this one. So do keep this note properly, in case I make it big and shine, you will have the proof that you know me.
ps. Do open up the box where everyone is around so that they can be jealous.
Oh yah! almost forgot, happy birthday..
From, ttd
I just so happened to have 2 hrs to spare during his birthday last week. So i've decided to give him a surprise by visiting him while he was doing duty in camp after all!
I slapped him so hard on the back cos he refused to put candle on his cake (its auspicious)! Ended up i kept on putting up the candles while he kept on removing them... 3 times to be exact.
I told everyone about my car accident that day in the hope that everybody else will be more cautions.
He msged me when i left," Hey, thanks 4 e cake n present... So touch wanna cry liaoz..."
I replied,"The cake thingy was really on impulse since i was jist around the area and finally got 2 hrs to spare. So you are just lucky. I wonder if i'll be as lucky for my birthday...hint hint.."
This was our last sms conversation.
I warned him before not to cause trouble to anyone.
I hinted him that i want my present!
I told him to wait for me that one day i'll shine for my dreams and wanted him to see me shine.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
There are people you meet who walk in and out of your life like ghosts, and after they're gone, you find that they've left a part of themselves with you. It's as if, in some small way, their spirit helps to find who you are and what you want to bring to the world.
Joseph was the first to msg me around 8am,"Hey! staff tk met an accident this morning, he passed away. We will be attending the wake on wed."
Ssg Koh was the second," staff ng teck kiong met motor accident this morning and he passed away, fyi"
'aiyoh! how can liddat,' i thought, 'Cny coming liaoz still make such joke... just cos i hid the lucky rock that night you all how can stage up such a thing. Most prob its instigated by gu...'
Of cos, i knew deep down inside that no one will make such a joke out of anyone. I pretended not to receive any msg.
wk called within minutes," you received any sms from ssg koh?"
"wat msg?" acting blur.
"you hear liao dont be alarm hor,"he said, sounded rather jumpy
"oh ok.."
"you know hor... tis morning......
"oh... liddat har? aiyoh! he very troublesome leh. Told him to buy a car still dont want to buy... ok lah ok lah... i very bz, you go arrange the time so we all can go visit him...i no time to do so" I said stubbornly.
Part of me was in denial, most prob wk also involve in this prank too! He has always been easily deceived.
For the entire day i was sending sms and speaking in the tone,"oh issit? tml we go down visit him lor! Aiyoh! he cannot make it lah, told him to be careful liaoz he dont want to listen. Always gives other people trouble one...."
Acted like an idiot.
I dont know what to feel or what i should feel... he is my first friend who died... waoh... congrats..
--------------------------------
It was his birthday last week. I got him a super nice Levis belt which i carefully handpicked. I selected another similar one of different colour for me as well.
Along with it, a note was written:
To NTK,
orignally wanted to think of something witty to write (perhaps in malay or german) but I really don't have the luxuary of time. Noticed no proper wrapping paper was bought and used. Anyway, this is my last drawing paper, so do take care of it.
Many things had happened throughout these few months! And i'm enjoying every moment of it! I've been to places that no one would dare to go; met and interacted with little people whom i never thought existed. Some of the experiences were pleasant whereas others can be a little tacky. Eitheway, with my capabilities, nothing can be too hard to handle.
Hows life over there? Not too monotonous I hoped. You seemed rather free, lets hope you are not causing any trouble to others.
Anyway, i'll be starting my uni life in may, and I'll put in everything I got for this one. So do keep this note properly, in case I make it big and shine, you will have the proof that you know me.
ps. Do open up the box where everyone is around so that they can be jealous.
Oh yah! almost forgot, happy birthday..
From, ttd
I just so happened to have 2 hrs to spare during his birthday last week. So i've decided to give him a surprise by visiting him while he was doing duty in camp after all!
I slapped him so hard on the back cos he refused to put candle on his cake (its auspicious)! Ended up i kept on putting up the candles while he kept on removing them... 3 times to be exact.
I told everyone about my car accident that day in the hope that everybody else will be more cautions.
He msged me when i left," Hey, thanks 4 e cake n present... So touch wanna cry liaoz..."
I replied,"The cake thingy was really on impulse since i was jist around the area and finally got 2 hrs to spare. So you are just lucky. I wonder if i'll be as lucky for my birthday...hint hint.."
This was our last sms conversation.
I warned him before not to cause trouble to anyone.
I hinted him that i want my present!
I told him to wait for me that one day i'll shine for my dreams and wanted him to see me shine.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
There are people you meet who walk in and out of your life like ghosts, and after they're gone, you find that they've left a part of themselves with you. It's as if, in some small way, their spirit helps to find who you are and what you want to bring to the world.
Catching the falling leaves ...[11:28 PM]
****** ******
I hate MOTOR Vehicles, it never fails to take away the things and people i value most
Catching the falling leaves ...[2:23 PM]
****** ******
venting
If i would have known that my recent series of traffic accidents were signs from the higher order. I would have bought 4D of my car number and get the top prizes. I'm talking like a compulsive gambler, am I? haha.. Well, father refused to say if he had bought the number (since i told him abt my incidents the day before) either cos he didn't buy and was too embarrass to share or cos he bought and just dont want to share!
Anyway, i dont believe in earning money thru such ways. So it doesn't affect me much.
=====================================
We had a mini family meeting just now. From 1205 am to 0100am (since i just got home at that time). Discussing what jc my brother will be going.... Did i mention he just got back his o level results? Not too good, but not too bad...Thats the worst thing that can happen. Not there, not here. Even if here also dont know what subjects CAN take...
I just learnt of th H1,H2, H3 system that jcs are adopting for their curriculum. So confusing..
Ended up i realised i learnt so much during Secondary school among all my silbings. 11 subjects. Being involved in so many ccas...(and of cos got the best results of all)
At times i wondered if i had taken 6 subjects just like my brother, wouldnt i be super li hai now? But if i didnt do so, i wouldnt be as clear as i am right now.
Meeting to be continued tml.
=============================
I thought of something along the day.
ITs about the "faceless people" whom i met everyday...Maybe ill write something abt it next time.
I'm very focus throughout the day. Very proud of it.
-----------------------
I gasped upon seeing how my sunflower withered when i got back just now...
really dont know how to revive it.... help!
_-----------------------------
I issused salary to my people today. I felt empty
If i would have known that my recent series of traffic accidents were signs from the higher order. I would have bought 4D of my car number and get the top prizes. I'm talking like a compulsive gambler, am I? haha.. Well, father refused to say if he had bought the number (since i told him abt my incidents the day before) either cos he didn't buy and was too embarrass to share or cos he bought and just dont want to share!
Anyway, i dont believe in earning money thru such ways. So it doesn't affect me much.
=====================================
We had a mini family meeting just now. From 1205 am to 0100am (since i just got home at that time). Discussing what jc my brother will be going.... Did i mention he just got back his o level results? Not too good, but not too bad...Thats the worst thing that can happen. Not there, not here. Even if here also dont know what subjects CAN take...
I just learnt of th H1,H2, H3 system that jcs are adopting for their curriculum. So confusing..
Ended up i realised i learnt so much during Secondary school among all my silbings. 11 subjects. Being involved in so many ccas...(and of cos got the best results of all)
At times i wondered if i had taken 6 subjects just like my brother, wouldnt i be super li hai now? But if i didnt do so, i wouldnt be as clear as i am right now.
Meeting to be continued tml.
=============================
I thought of something along the day.
ITs about the "faceless people" whom i met everyday...Maybe ill write something abt it next time.
I'm very focus throughout the day. Very proud of it.
-----------------------
I gasped upon seeing how my sunflower withered when i got back just now...
really dont know how to revive it.... help!
_-----------------------------
I issused salary to my people today. I felt empty
Catching the falling leaves ...[1:38 AM]
****** ******
Thursday, February 08, 2007
7 days
ITs a miracle how things fall in place today.
As i've already mentioned, my life each day, for the past few months, is intertwined by enjoyable and not so enjoyable events...
7 more days until my war would end (for now).
Early morning: For a start, i nearly met up with a car accident. And of cos, i'm the cause of the accident. Everything ended off with cars horning and pedestrian shouting....
Late afternoon till afternoon: void
450pm: collected my photos from the photo shop.
5pm: I suddenly remembered that the CNY is near, so i decided to go to have a haircut (back to my usual self) so that any relative who visits (if any) will not start critising on how unkempt i am. (as mentioned, i dont have time to go for haircuts and stuff)
6pm: Reached tampines, planning to eat dinner and read my stuff for 2 hrs before my next event. Until i felt lonely and started calling edwin to hope he is around the area so that we can at least eat dinner together.
This was when he revealled :1) he was in camp 2) no one else except the sb people are in camp 3) the few names of those who are on sb
I suddenly got the urge to buy food back to camp just like the old times. Initally, was just a joke to ask them if they want any supper or something. But just as i walked pass the cake shop i suddenly rmbed it was ntk's birthday today and he was in camp. Effectively, i only got 1.5 hrs to spare.
635pm: More traffic incidents occurred: 1)scratched the car on the side upon going up the narrow spiral road of the carpark. 2) Got horned cos i was looking at the street directory on the route without realising the light turned green. 3) took the road path and had to make an illegal U turn back (got horned again). 4) cos i was speeding on the normal road, wasn't enough time to brake upon red light, everything flew here and there.
710pm: upon entering the ops room the first person i saw was ntk. Surprise surprise! Next was joseph. From them, i realised that koh, gu and yh were in as well. All are invited for the mini party in the ops room.
I slapped ntk on the back (unconsciously, without realising i was doing it) upon seeing him taking out the candles from the cake.
(have i mentioned that i accidentally slapped a lady last week?)
Everything was nice and happy until someone asked,'what have you been doing?'
i evaded the question by saying,"running here and there lor.. Enjoying lor... nothing impt"
Of cos i can easily lie by saying,"oh, i'm working at some place...."
ITs not something i will want to do.
Ate some army rations. Something different for a change today. No more kfc $2.75 meal....
8pm: while i was leaving the place, i couldnt help it but to declare my plight. The plight that i've already spent all the savings i've got during army. So i must at least have some subsidy or my cake. Gu and edwin helped alittle by giving me their share. I really got no time to chase for the others (and was too rush to come to my mind that i can actually ask them to pay first or something)
ITs a miracle how things fall in place today.
ITs a miracle how things fall in place today.
As i've already mentioned, my life each day, for the past few months, is intertwined by enjoyable and not so enjoyable events...
7 more days until my war would end (for now).
Early morning: For a start, i nearly met up with a car accident. And of cos, i'm the cause of the accident. Everything ended off with cars horning and pedestrian shouting....
Late afternoon till afternoon: void
450pm: collected my photos from the photo shop.
5pm: I suddenly remembered that the CNY is near, so i decided to go to have a haircut (back to my usual self) so that any relative who visits (if any) will not start critising on how unkempt i am. (as mentioned, i dont have time to go for haircuts and stuff)
6pm: Reached tampines, planning to eat dinner and read my stuff for 2 hrs before my next event. Until i felt lonely and started calling edwin to hope he is around the area so that we can at least eat dinner together.
This was when he revealled :1) he was in camp 2) no one else except the sb people are in camp 3) the few names of those who are on sb
I suddenly got the urge to buy food back to camp just like the old times. Initally, was just a joke to ask them if they want any supper or something. But just as i walked pass the cake shop i suddenly rmbed it was ntk's birthday today and he was in camp. Effectively, i only got 1.5 hrs to spare.
635pm: More traffic incidents occurred: 1)scratched the car on the side upon going up the narrow spiral road of the carpark. 2) Got horned cos i was looking at the street directory on the route without realising the light turned green. 3) took the road path and had to make an illegal U turn back (got horned again). 4) cos i was speeding on the normal road, wasn't enough time to brake upon red light, everything flew here and there.
710pm: upon entering the ops room the first person i saw was ntk. Surprise surprise! Next was joseph. From them, i realised that koh, gu and yh were in as well. All are invited for the mini party in the ops room.
I slapped ntk on the back (unconsciously, without realising i was doing it) upon seeing him taking out the candles from the cake.
(have i mentioned that i accidentally slapped a lady last week?)
Everything was nice and happy until someone asked,'what have you been doing?'
i evaded the question by saying,"running here and there lor.. Enjoying lor... nothing impt"
Of cos i can easily lie by saying,"oh, i'm working at some place...."
ITs not something i will want to do.
Ate some army rations. Something different for a change today. No more kfc $2.75 meal....
8pm: while i was leaving the place, i couldnt help it but to declare my plight. The plight that i've already spent all the savings i've got during army. So i must at least have some subsidy or my cake. Gu and edwin helped alittle by giving me their share. I really got no time to chase for the others (and was too rush to come to my mind that i can actually ask them to pay first or something)
ITs a miracle how things fall in place today.
If its not cos of just 7 more days, i'll not want to see them...
If its not cos of his birthday, i will not have any excuse to see them.
If its not cos i had my haircut, i will not dare to see them
If its not cos i had collected my photos, i will not know what else to say
To them, i am just a wind.
Whereas to me, this moment will be a ghost.
If its not cos i had my haircut, i will not dare to see them
If its not cos i had collected my photos, i will not know what else to say
To them, i am just a wind.
Whereas to me, this moment will be a ghost.
Catching the falling leaves ...[11:39 PM]
****** ******
Tuesday, February 06, 2007
Queen Rurosa
A long long time ago in the future,
in another world of another diamension.
There was a country where technology was so advance, their people were created artifically. As time passed, they completely lost their biological ability to recreate what was known to be a legend in their world, a God's child.
A system was eventually formed. With Level A, being the most perfectly made citizens, all the way to Level D, with the beings created with deformities and completely beyond recognision. In short, born with defect. Nothing is perfect in anyworld, can they?
And along the way there were Level B and Level C beings
Well, in this not so perfect world, there was of course a ruler. This ruler was none other then the old but beautiful Queen Rurosa, the founder of the artifically created beings technology. The people will at times address their Queen as a Goddess since their existence itself was made possible by her. Her ever lasting beauty was made possible due to such technology.
One day, while Queen Rurosa was at the nursery where the beings were created, one of the Level D beings came conscious and started attacking the Queen. The Queen was just in time to protect her life by killing the lvl D with her stong holy powers, but was not fast enough to protect one thing that any lady treasure most. Her face.
A slash on the left cheek by the level D, left Queen Rurosa scarred.
She became a strong, old woman with a scar on her left cheek. (haha! who says such desciption cannot be made?)
Wearing a mask,
She made an order to destroy all lvl D beings that was existing in her kingdom....
Lvl A and B beings who were all loyal and closed to the Goddess obeyed her orders implicitly.
Whereas, level C citizens, on the other hand started to wonder.
Once Level D people were wiped out, will we be next?
A civil war was started...
Stones were thrown at Queen Rurosa upon every opportunity by Level C citizens.
Hiding behind her unfeeling mask no one could read what she was thinking or feeling. Until one day, tears were seen flowing down the mask of Queen Rurosa.
She disappeared the very next day. No one knew where she went nor why she left.
Eitherway, everybody soon forgotten about this incident but the war still went on. It became the fight for survival and power.
How will the war end? why did Queen Rurosa leave? What will happen to the Level D beings?
??
A long long time ago in the future,
in another world of another diamension.
There was a country where technology was so advance, their people were created artifically. As time passed, they completely lost their biological ability to recreate what was known to be a legend in their world, a God's child.
A system was eventually formed. With Level A, being the most perfectly made citizens, all the way to Level D, with the beings created with deformities and completely beyond recognision. In short, born with defect. Nothing is perfect in anyworld, can they?
And along the way there were Level B and Level C beings
Well, in this not so perfect world, there was of course a ruler. This ruler was none other then the old but beautiful Queen Rurosa, the founder of the artifically created beings technology. The people will at times address their Queen as a Goddess since their existence itself was made possible by her. Her ever lasting beauty was made possible due to such technology.
One day, while Queen Rurosa was at the nursery where the beings were created, one of the Level D beings came conscious and started attacking the Queen. The Queen was just in time to protect her life by killing the lvl D with her stong holy powers, but was not fast enough to protect one thing that any lady treasure most. Her face.
A slash on the left cheek by the level D, left Queen Rurosa scarred.
She became a strong, old woman with a scar on her left cheek. (haha! who says such desciption cannot be made?)
Wearing a mask,
She made an order to destroy all lvl D beings that was existing in her kingdom....
Lvl A and B beings who were all loyal and closed to the Goddess obeyed her orders implicitly.
Whereas, level C citizens, on the other hand started to wonder.
Once Level D people were wiped out, will we be next?
A civil war was started...
Stones were thrown at Queen Rurosa upon every opportunity by Level C citizens.
Hiding behind her unfeeling mask no one could read what she was thinking or feeling. Until one day, tears were seen flowing down the mask of Queen Rurosa.
She disappeared the very next day. No one knew where she went nor why she left.
Eitherway, everybody soon forgotten about this incident but the war still went on. It became the fight for survival and power.
How will the war end? why did Queen Rurosa leave? What will happen to the Level D beings?
??
Catching the falling leaves ...[10:15 PM]
****** ******
Entropy
1) My sunflower is having those holes in its leaves. Mother said its due to overexposure to the sun that the sun actually burnt the leaves.
No more Sun for you! From now you will be a delicate plant which will enjoy lights from indoor.
============
2) S msg me today. We had an sms conversation today.
I'm glad that he is doing well.
He ended of the conversation by saying 'do not focus on ur course only, cos being a multi-tasked worker is v impt especially in singapore, all the best'
I know the importance of splitting my focus.
But i'm just afraid i'll lose my focus.
I don't like it to lose focus.
===============
3) my days have been jumbled up. I can't differentiate things i've done today, yesterday and any days before anymore.
I can't tell if anything happened just yesterday or days before or weeks before.
But upon the passing of everyday, i found myself even lighter than the day before...
Nonetheless, the more i know, the more i realised i don't know...(quoted from ms rattna)
There are just so much stuff i want to find out.... so many...too many
It made me wonder how young i was back in jc and before. And when you are young, you will think that all answers are simple.
===============
4) ntk msged me yesterday (yes,according to the timing on my hp, its yesterday, confirm).
Apparantly he received my gift. It really made my day. Not that he said that he liked my gift or something (infact he has yet to open up), but the fact of where the gift really came from...
Once again, i've made another breakthrough.
For that, i'm getting another similar one for myself. Then both of us will have the same stuff! haha
(ps. of cos credit must be given to yuehan who did the passing. Thanks alot!)
================
1) My sunflower is having those holes in its leaves. Mother said its due to overexposure to the sun that the sun actually burnt the leaves.
No more Sun for you! From now you will be a delicate plant which will enjoy lights from indoor.
============
2) S msg me today. We had an sms conversation today.
I'm glad that he is doing well.
He ended of the conversation by saying 'do not focus on ur course only, cos being a multi-tasked worker is v impt especially in singapore, all the best'
I know the importance of splitting my focus.
But i'm just afraid i'll lose my focus.
I don't like it to lose focus.
===============
3) my days have been jumbled up. I can't differentiate things i've done today, yesterday and any days before anymore.
I can't tell if anything happened just yesterday or days before or weeks before.
But upon the passing of everyday, i found myself even lighter than the day before...
Nonetheless, the more i know, the more i realised i don't know...(quoted from ms rattna)
There are just so much stuff i want to find out.... so many...too many
It made me wonder how young i was back in jc and before. And when you are young, you will think that all answers are simple.
===============
4) ntk msged me yesterday (yes,according to the timing on my hp, its yesterday, confirm).
Apparantly he received my gift. It really made my day. Not that he said that he liked my gift or something (infact he has yet to open up), but the fact of where the gift really came from...
Once again, i've made another breakthrough.
For that, i'm getting another similar one for myself. Then both of us will have the same stuff! haha
(ps. of cos credit must be given to yuehan who did the passing. Thanks alot!)
================
Catching the falling leaves ...[9:42 PM]
****** ******
Saturday, February 03, 2007
My sunflower
..........."You are just like any other flower," said the little prince....
Among the numerous, i've chosen you to be the one i care for.
Thats what makes you exceptional.
And because you are exceptional, i've chosen you.
I had landed on another planet called Pasar Malam (PM) at the galaxy commonly known as toapayoh.
The people of PM were all busy people as all of them were busy trading.
Their goods varied from food to clothes to accessories to flowers.
PM surely was a happening place as everybody was busy earning money.
The florist was so busy that she was giving me silly answers.
"how do i take care of this plant?" i asked, wondering if i have the ability to grew it well
"Put it in the sun and water it everyday,"she replied, looking elsewhere..
Of cos when such question was asked, we dont expect such answers
"how much do i need to water?"i asked again, trying to be more specific
"water it in the morning and in the evening,"she replied, apparantly couldnt understand what i was asking.
I studied my plant, hesitating to accept it or not.
"whats wrong with this plant? how come there are holes on its leaves?" i questioned, feeling rather concern.
"its liddat one," the florist snapped, taking a bag out to pack it.
"is it because of some bugs?"
"its ok one!" she replied, rising her hand up for money.
I shook my head and bought my flower.
IT is now my flower.
And because it is my flower, it is the most beautiful flower of all.
And because it is the most beautiful flower of all, it is my flower..
..........."You are just like any other flower," said the little prince....
Among the numerous, i've chosen you to be the one i care for.
Thats what makes you exceptional.
And because you are exceptional, i've chosen you.
I had landed on another planet called Pasar Malam (PM) at the galaxy commonly known as toapayoh.
The people of PM were all busy people as all of them were busy trading.
Their goods varied from food to clothes to accessories to flowers.
PM surely was a happening place as everybody was busy earning money.
The florist was so busy that she was giving me silly answers.
"how do i take care of this plant?" i asked, wondering if i have the ability to grew it well
"Put it in the sun and water it everyday,"she replied, looking elsewhere..
Of cos when such question was asked, we dont expect such answers
"how much do i need to water?"i asked again, trying to be more specific
"water it in the morning and in the evening,"she replied, apparantly couldnt understand what i was asking.
I studied my plant, hesitating to accept it or not.
"whats wrong with this plant? how come there are holes on its leaves?" i questioned, feeling rather concern.
"its liddat one," the florist snapped, taking a bag out to pack it.
"is it because of some bugs?"
"its ok one!" she replied, rising her hand up for money.
I shook my head and bought my flower.
IT is now my flower.
And because it is my flower, it is the most beautiful flower of all.
And because it is the most beautiful flower of all, it is my flower..
Catching the falling leaves ...[12:14 AM]
****** ******
Thursday, February 01, 2007
It just spoils my day having to expect Medusa behind every tree.
Thanks to that entire family of thief. (if reference to the post 'why?')
They certainly really ruin other people's life. To be living in a life of fear and suspicion.
Just because they themselves are living in a life of fear of being chased by loadsharks and stuff, doesn't give them the rights to do so to others by stealing from them.
Not that i'm really bothered by them. It just that i had to be onguard upon seeing them around. I can't look left nor right.... I pity their existence...
------------------------------------------
The sandflies bites i got from malaysia are now taking their toll...
Feel like getting some 1st degree burns to ease the itch.
-------------------------------------------
JB called me 20 secs before zhong qin and zhou chong qin (the mediacorp artist and DJ) approached me today. I pretended not to hear them and put my hp to the other ear where they can see. If not cos of him, i might just be on tv..
Then maybe those star search people see me got potential..
Then maybe I might just become a STAR!!
Thanks JB for spoiling my future..
--------------------
I saw one potted sunflower on sale during the pasar malam yesterday!
Its $4 per pot.
I really want one...
Most prob i'll put it in my hostel where i can see it everyday!
Going down tml to buy it.
Catching the falling leaves ...[12:40 AM]
****** ******
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