Monday, July 27, 2009
Flow of thoughts
Read through the writings i had wrote many years ago, during secondary school in particular.
It really amazed me how fluid my sentences structure can be in the past.
Apart from the horrible grammar mistakes, there are times the sentence can be very exciting, vary between long and short though its non-english standard. Most of the times, it can just surprise even me upon reading it the second time.
That was why i took very long to write an english composition, especially writing the introduction. This is simply because people are more self conscious of the beginning and for me having to re read a strange non-standard english structure would definitly make me obligated to re write the beginning again.
My flow of thoughts was certainly jumbled up.
This does happens when there are too many things in mind and we cant sort it out.
And when it comes to writing, i'll be just too quick to write down every thing that comes to mind without anythoughts of structuring nicely.
But now when my writing style seems to take its form. It doesnt feel that engaging compare to how it used to be. Nor there is any surprise after the end of the sentence which can be both good and bad (but its most often the bad part).
ITs now dull and monotonous.
Like how i engage people nowadays.
Maybe its about time to read abt how to engage people for a conversation.
----------------
Anyway, going back to army today was quite alright.
Finally met the people i want to meet.
But really not sure what to say upon meeting.
Awkward silence for 15 mins.
Read through the writings i had wrote many years ago, during secondary school in particular.
It really amazed me how fluid my sentences structure can be in the past.
Apart from the horrible grammar mistakes, there are times the sentence can be very exciting, vary between long and short though its non-english standard. Most of the times, it can just surprise even me upon reading it the second time.
That was why i took very long to write an english composition, especially writing the introduction. This is simply because people are more self conscious of the beginning and for me having to re read a strange non-standard english structure would definitly make me obligated to re write the beginning again.
My flow of thoughts was certainly jumbled up.
This does happens when there are too many things in mind and we cant sort it out.
And when it comes to writing, i'll be just too quick to write down every thing that comes to mind without anythoughts of structuring nicely.
But now when my writing style seems to take its form. It doesnt feel that engaging compare to how it used to be. Nor there is any surprise after the end of the sentence which can be both good and bad (but its most often the bad part).
ITs now dull and monotonous.
Like how i engage people nowadays.
Maybe its about time to read abt how to engage people for a conversation.
----------------
Anyway, going back to army today was quite alright.
Finally met the people i want to meet.
But really not sure what to say upon meeting.
Awkward silence for 15 mins.
Catching the falling leaves ...[11:12 PM]
****** ******
Sunday, July 26, 2009
Aftermath
I can't remember when was the last time i laze around in the middle of the night.
Yet I am doing so right now and it all started off when i login to my friendster account. Something i have not done so for a long long time.
Something i tend to avoid to.
It was one of my last link to his existence.
Clicking onto this profile just make it feels as though he is still alive.
Yes, i still can't accept this reality of life that someone has to die eventually.
I believe it was two years ago after his accident when i started to push myself to my limits to sleep 5 hours a day and to do things the entire day.
2 simple reasons:
To tired myself out so i do not have time to stop and think the incident.
To make full use of the time I have on earth for i can rest all i want when i die.
There are people who wanted to achieve so much things but couldn't. People like him.
So why spending most of your life sleeping away or lazing around?
I must agree, during these period of time, everything go as what i want and most of my time was made full use of. Its something i am proud of doing.
Nonetheless,with so many stuff to handle and think about, people tend to forget the things that drive them or motivate them in the first place. And as expected, i now seems to forget who this person is to me or how he even look like.
Perhaps its the entire going back to camp that led me to have such emotion all of the sudden.
The place is still there, but the people changes.
And if he is still there, will the things be the same as it is right now?
I just want to lay my existence to those around me.
There are just so much things I can still achieve.
So much things i have yet to do
So much goodness to be done.
So just let me push myself forward a little bit more.
I can't remember when was the last time i laze around in the middle of the night.
Yet I am doing so right now and it all started off when i login to my friendster account. Something i have not done so for a long long time.
Something i tend to avoid to.
It was one of my last link to his existence.
Clicking onto this profile just make it feels as though he is still alive.
Yes, i still can't accept this reality of life that someone has to die eventually.
I believe it was two years ago after his accident when i started to push myself to my limits to sleep 5 hours a day and to do things the entire day.
2 simple reasons:
To tired myself out so i do not have time to stop and think the incident.
To make full use of the time I have on earth for i can rest all i want when i die.
There are people who wanted to achieve so much things but couldn't. People like him.
So why spending most of your life sleeping away or lazing around?
I must agree, during these period of time, everything go as what i want and most of my time was made full use of. Its something i am proud of doing.
Nonetheless,with so many stuff to handle and think about, people tend to forget the things that drive them or motivate them in the first place. And as expected, i now seems to forget who this person is to me or how he even look like.
Perhaps its the entire going back to camp that led me to have such emotion all of the sudden.
The place is still there, but the people changes.
And if he is still there, will the things be the same as it is right now?
I just want to lay my existence to those around me.
There are just so much things I can still achieve.
So much things i have yet to do
So much goodness to be done.
So just let me push myself forward a little bit more.
Catching the falling leaves ...[2:17 AM]
****** ******
Saturday, July 04, 2009
No time to think for myself
I'm always trying to keep myself occupied. Making myself feel busy with activities, making myself feel alive. There are just so many things out there to be done, to be learnt and to be experience. Why cooped yourself in a room, or in a virtual world or in another person's imagination?
That is why sometimes i envy those people who can sleep less than that of a normal human beings of 8 hrs. They can sleep like 5 hrs a day without any effect of sleep deprivation. Meaning that they have few more hours to spend in the day compare to other normal humans. Or are they unknowingly straining themselves? And its like everyone can sleep all they want when they die, so why not seize the time to do something else? I tried but find it impossible to sleep less than 7hrs a day, so as such the only thing i can do is to sleep a regular timings.
I just realised something abt father recently. Something that we have in common. When he is doing anything, he will be absolutely focus by placing all his attention on it and will not think much of other thing else. (hmm isn't this how everyone is like?)Anyway, i feel that that is one of the reasons why other people often misunderstand of their intention.
When father was busy mendling his business, it would have seems to be the case that we were neglected. But now that he is trying ways to let go to have other people running it and has much time in his hands, he seems to be doing things that i never thought that he would do personally.
As of now, i am not really tied onto anything and everything seems to be very flexible for me. Yet, sometimes i feel that i still cant manage my attention well enough.
how about in the future where things are much uncontrollable? hmm..
It has been quite sometime since i have time to sit down to think abt such things. Cos most of the time right now, my mind is thinking of some other people... i wonder who.. haha.
Perhaps its another time of the year when the birthday is approaching, i will become emo and start to think more ba..
I'm always trying to keep myself occupied. Making myself feel busy with activities, making myself feel alive. There are just so many things out there to be done, to be learnt and to be experience. Why cooped yourself in a room, or in a virtual world or in another person's imagination?
That is why sometimes i envy those people who can sleep less than that of a normal human beings of 8 hrs. They can sleep like 5 hrs a day without any effect of sleep deprivation. Meaning that they have few more hours to spend in the day compare to other normal humans. Or are they unknowingly straining themselves? And its like everyone can sleep all they want when they die, so why not seize the time to do something else? I tried but find it impossible to sleep less than 7hrs a day, so as such the only thing i can do is to sleep a regular timings.
I just realised something abt father recently. Something that we have in common. When he is doing anything, he will be absolutely focus by placing all his attention on it and will not think much of other thing else. (hmm isn't this how everyone is like?)Anyway, i feel that that is one of the reasons why other people often misunderstand of their intention.
When father was busy mendling his business, it would have seems to be the case that we were neglected. But now that he is trying ways to let go to have other people running it and has much time in his hands, he seems to be doing things that i never thought that he would do personally.
As of now, i am not really tied onto anything and everything seems to be very flexible for me. Yet, sometimes i feel that i still cant manage my attention well enough.
how about in the future where things are much uncontrollable? hmm..
It has been quite sometime since i have time to sit down to think abt such things. Cos most of the time right now, my mind is thinking of some other people... i wonder who.. haha.
Perhaps its another time of the year when the birthday is approaching, i will become emo and start to think more ba..
Labels: Really senseless rant
Catching the falling leaves ...[11:54 AM]
****** ******
Wednesday, July 01, 2009
party blooper
3 years ago, a friend of mine sincerly wanted me to be the host for his 21st birthday party.
I turned him down straight away.
It was not because i was not available nor i didnt want to help, but was simply due to the fact that i dont think i was able to do it.
As a result, he was rather disappointed and i felt that i let him down.
Since then, i have been waiting for a chance to redeem myself and to prove to myself that i can do it. I have experienced so much more over these years and there is absolutely not reasons for not trying.
Once again, yan has given me this opportunity and another chance for me to do the things that i would have never thought i could do. She always has this power, to make me feel that i can do anything. Isnt she amazing?
More then half of the holidays have passed by. IT still feel as though it just started. Still have so many things incomplete, still have so many things need to be done. hmm.. why wouldn't time just stop....
3 years ago, a friend of mine sincerly wanted me to be the host for his 21st birthday party.
I turned him down straight away.
It was not because i was not available nor i didnt want to help, but was simply due to the fact that i dont think i was able to do it.
As a result, he was rather disappointed and i felt that i let him down.
Since then, i have been waiting for a chance to redeem myself and to prove to myself that i can do it. I have experienced so much more over these years and there is absolutely not reasons for not trying.
Once again, yan has given me this opportunity and another chance for me to do the things that i would have never thought i could do. She always has this power, to make me feel that i can do anything. Isnt she amazing?
More then half of the holidays have passed by. IT still feel as though it just started. Still have so many things incomplete, still have so many things need to be done. hmm.. why wouldn't time just stop....
Catching the falling leaves ...[6:15 PM]
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