Friday, March 30, 2007
i dinaLTLFOR drunk
u diAlly got d4runk,,, this is the firwst time....thi8s is s9nw0rtybgbo0gg9jgl; that i dunno wsazt i\ i
,m typyung that im doiung so..rmb the pre ious pist thtat i mebntion that those whodont know who they where thast they dont know how to getndrunk? f finally o,fee;omg tjomg way and i, emjouingh in it...
thank you....... truly...
---------------------------------------
(edited again the next morning)
I woke up this morning and found myself horribly dressed. In fact, i was still wearing my contacts. I turned to my laptop beside me which was on throughout the night.
"oh dear!" i exclaimed to myself
The display name of my msn was the address for this blog. Knowing something was not right, i immediately went here to have a look. Conveniently, this was already opened in another window. Whatever above was what i saw.
Most probably i wanted to share whatever happened yesterday. Let me try to decode whatever i've written (i'll just decode the meaning, putting the grammar aside):
I actually got drunk
I actually got drunk, this is the first time. This is so worth blogging (Issit??). I don't know what i'm typing or why am i doing so (???) Remember the previous post i've mentioned that those who do not know who they were, do not know how to get drunk? (only Those who can understand their own true feeling can be intoxicated) I'm finally feeling this way and i'm enjoying it.
Thank you, truly.
Started to recall what we did yesterday. Was out at holland village with wei cai, ganesha and yue han. My main objective was to see how easily i can get intoxicated. I want to know.
Months before, i was looking forward to such session, which was eventually canceled, simply because wanted to time out from the war. i think i'll not be able to forgive myself if i do that...
I remember we left the place and walked down the stairs. Suddenly, everything fast forward and i found myself in a car. I knew i was yue han's. Was trying to focus along the way by describing to myself what is going on around me. I think i attacked the on sitting beside me. Logically, it should be weicai. For ganesha had experienced my innate violent nature, hence sat far far away from me.
Things just fast forwarded and i found myself in ganesha's house. Met his mother, father and brother. I vaguely remember something about a coffee. I tried my best not to show them my status. By then it was already 12am. See! i'm still clear headed.
But at this stage when yuehan sent me back home. I didn't know who are at the car. Logically, ganesha was there since i rmb someone guiding him to my place.... but then weicai shld know of my place as well... hmm...
In the past, i avoided stuff and people because i 'don't like' them. But 90% of the time was because i'm afraid of their darkness. I slowly realised that as long as you are a polished gem, no matter how dark the place can be, you can still shine.
u diAlly got d4runk,,, this is the firwst time....thi8s is s9nw0rtybgbo0gg9jgl; that i dunno wsazt i\ i
,m typyung that im doiung so..rmb the pre ious pist thtat i mebntion that those whodont know who they where thast they dont know how to getndrunk? f finally o,fee;omg tjomg way and i, emjouingh in it...
thank you....... truly...
---------------------------------------
(edited again the next morning)
I woke up this morning and found myself horribly dressed. In fact, i was still wearing my contacts. I turned to my laptop beside me which was on throughout the night.
"oh dear!" i exclaimed to myself
The display name of my msn was the address for this blog. Knowing something was not right, i immediately went here to have a look. Conveniently, this was already opened in another window. Whatever above was what i saw.
Most probably i wanted to share whatever happened yesterday. Let me try to decode whatever i've written (i'll just decode the meaning, putting the grammar aside):
I actually got drunk
I actually got drunk, this is the first time. This is so worth blogging (Issit??). I don't know what i'm typing or why am i doing so (???) Remember the previous post i've mentioned that those who do not know who they were, do not know how to get drunk? (only Those who can understand their own true feeling can be intoxicated) I'm finally feeling this way and i'm enjoying it.
Thank you, truly.
Started to recall what we did yesterday. Was out at holland village with wei cai, ganesha and yue han. My main objective was to see how easily i can get intoxicated. I want to know.
Months before, i was looking forward to such session, which was eventually canceled, simply because wanted to time out from the war. i think i'll not be able to forgive myself if i do that...
I remember we left the place and walked down the stairs. Suddenly, everything fast forward and i found myself in a car. I knew i was yue han's. Was trying to focus along the way by describing to myself what is going on around me. I think i attacked the on sitting beside me. Logically, it should be weicai. For ganesha had experienced my innate violent nature, hence sat far far away from me.
Things just fast forwarded and i found myself in ganesha's house. Met his mother, father and brother. I vaguely remember something about a coffee. I tried my best not to show them my status. By then it was already 12am. See! i'm still clear headed.
But at this stage when yuehan sent me back home. I didn't know who are at the car. Logically, ganesha was there since i rmb someone guiding him to my place.... but then weicai shld know of my place as well... hmm...
In the past, i avoided stuff and people because i 'don't like' them. But 90% of the time was because i'm afraid of their darkness. I slowly realised that as long as you are a polished gem, no matter how dark the place can be, you can still shine.
Catching the falling leaves ...[12:37 AM]
****** ******
Wednesday, March 28, 2007
Dilemma
I truely believe that everyone in this world has their own fair share of problems.
And because of that, it is in built within me NOT to go around 'boasting' about it as though I am the most miserable guy on earth. Normally, i'll just settle it with my own ability, and worst come to worst i will borrow strenght from others. (if it is me in the past, i might not even borrow strength as i don't want to show my weakness)
Another reason why, I don't like to share my problem was because if i started sharing. People, whether consciously or not, will start to compare their own problem with mine. Surely, they will start to think of their own problems. Good and bad. If their experience is not as bad, maybe they will be happy that others is worst, conversely they will feel worst. Eitherway, it is absolutely not my style of making others to dwell on their problem.
I don't like this atmosphere at all.
Eventually along the way, i think that i've lost my ability to express my problems.
Today is my first time attempting to share a problem, abt the incident 45 days ago, to share how it has been bothering me. Seriously, i think because i never share, hence i never really learn how to go about consoling others. Actually i was in a dilemma whether to say anything or not but then i think just mentioning one doesn't hurt, does it? The worst case senario happened, and the one i'm sharing to started to blurt out everything. Perhaps that was his aim all along, he wanted someone to share with... perhaps...
I knew what that there are problems all along. I knew the reasons why he came back. Yet, i don't know what else i can do to help.
" With each battle, I lose more of myself "
But then again, the little msg on the side ------------> isn't there for nothing...
I truely believe that everyone in this world has their own fair share of problems.
And because of that, it is in built within me NOT to go around 'boasting' about it as though I am the most miserable guy on earth. Normally, i'll just settle it with my own ability, and worst come to worst i will borrow strenght from others. (if it is me in the past, i might not even borrow strength as i don't want to show my weakness)
Another reason why, I don't like to share my problem was because if i started sharing. People, whether consciously or not, will start to compare their own problem with mine. Surely, they will start to think of their own problems. Good and bad. If their experience is not as bad, maybe they will be happy that others is worst, conversely they will feel worst. Eitherway, it is absolutely not my style of making others to dwell on their problem.
I don't like this atmosphere at all.
Eventually along the way, i think that i've lost my ability to express my problems.
Today is my first time attempting to share a problem, abt the incident 45 days ago, to share how it has been bothering me. Seriously, i think because i never share, hence i never really learn how to go about consoling others. Actually i was in a dilemma whether to say anything or not but then i think just mentioning one doesn't hurt, does it? The worst case senario happened, and the one i'm sharing to started to blurt out everything. Perhaps that was his aim all along, he wanted someone to share with... perhaps...
I knew what that there are problems all along. I knew the reasons why he came back. Yet, i don't know what else i can do to help.
" With each battle, I lose more of myself "
But then again, the little msg on the side ------------> isn't there for nothing...
Catching the falling leaves ...[7:22 PM]
****** ******
Tuesday, March 27, 2007
System
The most important thing is sitting right before us.
Nonetheless,
Little people are too caught up in the cycle to realise the facts.
A system is made to distract them from seeing the most important thing.
We are already trapped inside the system, yet we are creating even more systems to trap ourselves even further.
Little people like to play computer games,
they think its fun.
Some people think that they excel in this system for they are earning big money. They are happy with it. Happy to earn a beautiful cage?
How superficial... ...
They feel that their ultimate goal is to obtain financial freedom, hence dreaded working for it is just a tool to achieve. Nonetheless, it is the process (the dash in between the numbers) that is worth living for.
They are striving for a better life, i'm going for a fulfilling life.
-------------------------------------
Ok Fine!
YC , I'm not ' going to hate him if his activities aren't up to what he promised', this trip enforced some beliefs as well as my determination and it certainly enlightened me abit. And anyway, my 'impt stuff'' scheduled on friday was cancelled eventually.
Studying a System, disgusted me so much that i knew definitely what i don't want.
Along the way, i've met a very impressive speaker. I think she can be my ou xiang, the way she spoke and her aura reminded me of alice teo, another great lady of influence.
Even though our ways and paths are different, the way she succeed is definitely worth mentioning:
YOu are living in the past of your future. If you want to know what you will be in 5 yrs in the future, go to those people who are of the same calibre as you and had walked the path you are walking 5 yrs ago. Is this the future you wanted? Let them be your menu.
Successful people like her are : 1)willing to pay the price 2) willing to accept new ideas 3) not easily satisfied.
If it is me in the past, i would not be sure if i fulfill all the 3 points. I was blinded with prejudices, hatred and fear. But now, I have so much to lose, i can't afford to do so.
----------------------------------
Next week will be his 49th day. All his family and close friends will be there. How i wish i'll be there, it will be a joke of a lifetime (1st april). I wonder if its now a every monday thing as i had nightmare again last monday.
The most important thing is sitting right before us.
Nonetheless,
Little people are too caught up in the cycle to realise the facts.
A system is made to distract them from seeing the most important thing.
We are already trapped inside the system, yet we are creating even more systems to trap ourselves even further.
Little people like to play computer games,
they think its fun.
Some people think that they excel in this system for they are earning big money. They are happy with it. Happy to earn a beautiful cage?
How superficial... ...
They feel that their ultimate goal is to obtain financial freedom, hence dreaded working for it is just a tool to achieve. Nonetheless, it is the process (the dash in between the numbers) that is worth living for.
They are striving for a better life, i'm going for a fulfilling life.
-------------------------------------
Ok Fine!
YC , I'm not ' going to hate him if his activities aren't up to what he promised', this trip enforced some beliefs as well as my determination and it certainly enlightened me abit. And anyway, my 'impt stuff'' scheduled on friday was cancelled eventually.
Studying a System, disgusted me so much that i knew definitely what i don't want.
Along the way, i've met a very impressive speaker. I think she can be my ou xiang, the way she spoke and her aura reminded me of alice teo, another great lady of influence.
Even though our ways and paths are different, the way she succeed is definitely worth mentioning:
Most people don't know what they want cos they didn't see it. ie. When you enter a high class restaurant, you most probably do not know what you want to eat. Only when the menu is presented to you, then you will realised that there are numberous delicacies to choose from.
Successful people like her are : 1)willing to pay the price 2) willing to accept new ideas 3) not easily satisfied.
If it is me in the past, i would not be sure if i fulfill all the 3 points. I was blinded with prejudices, hatred and fear. But now, I have so much to lose, i can't afford to do so.
----------------------------------
Next week will be his 49th day. All his family and close friends will be there. How i wish i'll be there, it will be a joke of a lifetime (1st april). I wonder if its now a every monday thing as i had nightmare again last monday.
Catching the falling leaves ...[1:06 AM]
****** ******
Thursday, March 22, 2007
Lifeblood
Today's date with mummy was funny.
With her around for shopping trips, i don't think i'll rmb how it feels like to be hungry. She just couldn't stop buying food and drinks to top me up every hr. Wonder if this IS the actual cause of me feeling hungry so easily, this sort of in-built behaviour since young.
The trip to the Guanyin temple was enjoyable.
I got a good lot. 'The dragon sings and the tiger sings will compliment, bad incidents will become good...etc etc'
Everything was good, in terms of relationship, luck... other then its hinting me that i have a slightly bad health which i myself am aware of. It also mentioned that an 'expected guest will arrive from overseas', coincidentally, ganesha is coming back tonight and i'm going to fetch him...
Mother, on the other hand, asked for only two things which she said that she got the same bad response every year.... I guess i'll have to share some goodiness to her ba.
Mother is 100% anti going to china.
I'm obligated to go. For, according to father, we are the last bloodline from the family line, its our duty to go down to visit....
Both of them have their own point in the argument. Thats the problem with middle child like me, always being caught in the middle...
But from father's tone and assertion, the chances of me going is 90%... still got chance that we might not get any tickets or the plane crash or something... oh well..
Be going overseas tml. Not really excited about it for the things i'll be missing out on friday.
Sembawang music just called, my yanzi's album is ready for collection! isn't this something to look forward to?
Today's date with mummy was funny.
With her around for shopping trips, i don't think i'll rmb how it feels like to be hungry. She just couldn't stop buying food and drinks to top me up every hr. Wonder if this IS the actual cause of me feeling hungry so easily, this sort of in-built behaviour since young.
The trip to the Guanyin temple was enjoyable.
I got a good lot. 'The dragon sings and the tiger sings will compliment, bad incidents will become good...etc etc'
Everything was good, in terms of relationship, luck... other then its hinting me that i have a slightly bad health which i myself am aware of. It also mentioned that an 'expected guest will arrive from overseas', coincidentally, ganesha is coming back tonight and i'm going to fetch him...
Mother, on the other hand, asked for only two things which she said that she got the same bad response every year.... I guess i'll have to share some goodiness to her ba.
Mother is 100% anti going to china.
I'm obligated to go. For, according to father, we are the last bloodline from the family line, its our duty to go down to visit....
Both of them have their own point in the argument. Thats the problem with middle child like me, always being caught in the middle...
But from father's tone and assertion, the chances of me going is 90%... still got chance that we might not get any tickets or the plane crash or something... oh well..
Be going overseas tml. Not really excited about it for the things i'll be missing out on friday.
Sembawang music just called, my yanzi's album is ready for collection! isn't this something to look forward to?
Catching the falling leaves ...[5:01 PM]
****** ******
Sunday, March 18, 2007
Sexually Assaulted!!
(Warning: Mature Content, unsuitable for children 19 and below)
I was sexually assaulted today!
The incident traumatised me so much that i rushed back home to wash all the uncleaniness away. If I were a lady from the ancient time, i might just committed sucide to honour my chastity.
Ok fine, maybe whatever i said was an overstatement, but the experience was just so disgusting that I'm willing to forgo my original post of my enjoying trip to sentosa with weicai and friend.
IT all started in the sentosa bus traveling in the blue line as we were on our way to Subway for dinner. Just like anyother bus during its peak hours, this bus is awfully crowded to the extent i have to lean my back very very close to the side of the bus to allow others to come in.
Since when it pays being nice?
While I was trying to make myself comfortable in my extremely torturing position, a BIG PLUMP indian man with a Terribly Tubby Tummy came and stood in front of me. He was facing directly at me with his two hand holding onto the 2 hand loops above. All of us were so cramped that we couldnt move from our own position. Problem arised when the bus started moving.
The vibration of the bus was just nice for that man to experience critical resonance. He body vibrated ALOT. During the process his tummy (or was it something lower?), kept on rubbing me on my lower abdominal. And when I say lower, i meant 'lower'.... oh well.. maybe not so low ba (i hope)... Rmb i was traumatised? Normally those victim of such incident wouldnt rmb the specifics. that was why their court case at times very hard to win.
There was no where else to go! there was no one else i could ask for help! (well maybe i can push him away or something lah, but in the end didnt cos there really no space or that he already very old already, if i push him the entire passager behind will be squashed and topple over, or perhaps unconsciously i'm enjoying it?? ) I was helpless!
Since i was pinned down by the old man, my face was the only part of me that was free to show signs of struggle. Nonetheless, no one seemed to realise my destress! Perhaps maybe wc's friend ba, but i think he was enjoying the entire show. Anyway, back to track, that was not the end.
While the bus was making its right turn, due to laws of inertia, the man 'just so happened' to obey its rules and was 'thrust' towards me. Both literally and non literally.
'Shouldn't that big tummy contain just fats?' I thought, in the verge of breaking down from the numerous impact, 'how come its just so..... dense? i hate his smell, i want to get out now!'
SEriously, i think that man is used to this already, in fact he seemed to be enjoying the process of torturing me gently. I can sense his grin from within when he was saying 'sorry'. His moaning of 'ahh" and "oh" during the entire grinding and thrusting process are still echoing through my mind. The more i think about it right now, the more i'm convinced that he did that on purpose!!
Disgusting!
I must learn how to protect myself, pretty face like me always get into such problem, don't you think so? ahhh!!
(Warning: Mature Content, unsuitable for children 19 and below)
I was sexually assaulted today!
The incident traumatised me so much that i rushed back home to wash all the uncleaniness away. If I were a lady from the ancient time, i might just committed sucide to honour my chastity.
Ok fine, maybe whatever i said was an overstatement, but the experience was just so disgusting that I'm willing to forgo my original post of my enjoying trip to sentosa with weicai and friend.
IT all started in the sentosa bus traveling in the blue line as we were on our way to Subway for dinner. Just like anyother bus during its peak hours, this bus is awfully crowded to the extent i have to lean my back very very close to the side of the bus to allow others to come in.
Since when it pays being nice?
While I was trying to make myself comfortable in my extremely torturing position, a BIG PLUMP indian man with a Terribly Tubby Tummy came and stood in front of me. He was facing directly at me with his two hand holding onto the 2 hand loops above. All of us were so cramped that we couldnt move from our own position. Problem arised when the bus started moving.
The vibration of the bus was just nice for that man to experience critical resonance. He body vibrated ALOT. During the process his tummy (or was it something lower?), kept on rubbing me on my lower abdominal. And when I say lower, i meant 'lower'.... oh well.. maybe not so low ba (i hope)... Rmb i was traumatised? Normally those victim of such incident wouldnt rmb the specifics. that was why their court case at times very hard to win.
There was no where else to go! there was no one else i could ask for help! (well maybe i can push him away or something lah, but in the end didnt cos there really no space or that he already very old already, if i push him the entire passager behind will be squashed and topple over, or perhaps unconsciously i'm enjoying it?? ) I was helpless!
Since i was pinned down by the old man, my face was the only part of me that was free to show signs of struggle. Nonetheless, no one seemed to realise my destress! Perhaps maybe wc's friend ba, but i think he was enjoying the entire show. Anyway, back to track, that was not the end.
While the bus was making its right turn, due to laws of inertia, the man 'just so happened' to obey its rules and was 'thrust' towards me. Both literally and non literally.
'Shouldn't that big tummy contain just fats?' I thought, in the verge of breaking down from the numerous impact, 'how come its just so..... dense? i hate his smell, i want to get out now!'
SEriously, i think that man is used to this already, in fact he seemed to be enjoying the process of torturing me gently. I can sense his grin from within when he was saying 'sorry'. His moaning of 'ahh" and "oh" during the entire grinding and thrusting process are still echoing through my mind. The more i think about it right now, the more i'm convinced that he did that on purpose!!
Disgusting!
I must learn how to protect myself, pretty face like me always get into such problem, don't you think so? ahhh!!
Catching the falling leaves ...[11:08 PM]
****** ******
Friday, March 16, 2007
Acquaintance 2
I don't like it for I'm feeling jealous.
I'm jealous how he likes fishing and can just talk and talk about it like a child.
I envy him of the cause of why he enjoys fishing in the first place.
I'm jealous of how he was able to do and experience the many many stuffs i've always wanted to but unable due to past imperfections.
Its funny how awfully similar people can be so different due to some influences. And that difference would means everything.
During some moments, i really wanted to be just like him. To achieve what he had achieved But again, these are the exact reasons why I am so unqiue and my style is one and only. HE SHLD BE JEALOUS ABOUT ME INSTEAD!
-----------------------------------------------------------
Today is my very first time earning money from external sources with my own effort. I've spent the money immediately by buying yanzi's newest album! This is my first time buying her (or any) original music CD (haha... dont look at me liddat!). Lets hope that me being her ardent fan will make this coming album great!
While doing so, i told myself after 4 yrs from now when i REALLY start working and have a stable income, i'll give at least half my monthly pay to mother, until she's so rich that she don't know where to spent and have to start buying diamonds and gold! She will be so rich that she have to keep on treating her friends every single meal until her friends get so sick of her! Then she will start explaining, innocently (but her heart will be like 'bwahahaHA!!') that she has no choice cos her son is stuffing her with so much money!
SO just hang in there for another 5 years. I'll be your best bet!
--------------------------------
I met her today! We had a very nice 30min long chat which i feel that its simply too short. Guess what? she actually took chinese literature before! She is just so interesting, can't wait to know more. But all yc's fault, his KL trip will make me lose one opportunity to meet her up next week! I'll going to hate him if his activities aren't up to what he promised!
I don't like it for I'm feeling jealous.
I'm jealous how he likes fishing and can just talk and talk about it like a child.
I envy him of the cause of why he enjoys fishing in the first place.
I'm jealous of how he was able to do and experience the many many stuffs i've always wanted to but unable due to past imperfections.
Its funny how awfully similar people can be so different due to some influences. And that difference would means everything.
During some moments, i really wanted to be just like him. To achieve what he had achieved But again, these are the exact reasons why I am so unqiue and my style is one and only. HE SHLD BE JEALOUS ABOUT ME INSTEAD!
-----------------------------------------------------------
Today is my very first time earning money from external sources with my own effort. I've spent the money immediately by buying yanzi's newest album! This is my first time buying her (or any) original music CD (haha... dont look at me liddat!). Lets hope that me being her ardent fan will make this coming album great!
While doing so, i told myself after 4 yrs from now when i REALLY start working and have a stable income, i'll give at least half my monthly pay to mother, until she's so rich that she don't know where to spent and have to start buying diamonds and gold! She will be so rich that she have to keep on treating her friends every single meal until her friends get so sick of her! Then she will start explaining, innocently (but her heart will be like 'bwahahaHA!!') that she has no choice cos her son is stuffing her with so much money!
SO just hang in there for another 5 years. I'll be your best bet!
--------------------------------
I met her today! We had a very nice 30min long chat which i feel that its simply too short. Guess what? she actually took chinese literature before! She is just so interesting, can't wait to know more. But all yc's fault, his KL trip will make me lose one opportunity to meet her up next week! I'll going to hate him if his activities aren't up to what he promised!
Catching the falling leaves ...[3:49 PM]
****** ******
Wednesday, March 14, 2007
Acquaintance
I met someone for the very first time yesterday, his name is yi hui.
For some unforeseen reasons from the 'overnight camp', we ended up going out to eat dinner togethter, he invited me to his place and bathe together (literally in different bathrooms of course), went shopping at downtown east, play cards and sleep..... etc
IT is amazing how similar our personalities, taste and behaviour are.
In terms of food, we eat anything and everything (except chilli and coffee).... slowly...
When it comes to religion, we are both so-called buddhist who have our own way of thinking, aka free thinker.
Then about childhood, its good to see that i'm not the only one who doesn't possess any games like gameboy, gamegear, ps...etc... and he did things which i thought i was the only one doing.
His attitude towards others and army is almost the same as me, maybe he was in uniform group previously. just like me.
Things we like and dislike are very much similar.
Most importantly, i found out that he is a middle child as well! Just as i am.
It was no wonder how i could relate to him quite the entire time.
There are only a couple of difference i see. 1) his father plays an active part in his life and growing up. I spoke very closely with his father during the short 15 mins and i was jealous. 2) he seems to like sleeping alot, he admitted at he can feel so sleepy while in the city that he is willing to spend $$ to go to cinema just to sleep. 3)he has more courage than me.
We ended our meeting today by saying that he was craving for pizzas but called back home to get turtle soup for lunch! Both of which are my favourites!!! yum yum! Did i mention that he too had kfc meals everyday for the past 2months, similiar to me??
It really felt like talking to myself from the parallel world
Hence, to all my fans! if one Tengda is too much for you to stand, bewarn!
I met someone for the very first time yesterday, his name is yi hui.
For some unforeseen reasons from the 'overnight camp', we ended up going out to eat dinner togethter, he invited me to his place and bathe together (literally in different bathrooms of course), went shopping at downtown east, play cards and sleep..... etc
IT is amazing how similar our personalities, taste and behaviour are.
In terms of food, we eat anything and everything (except chilli and coffee).... slowly...
When it comes to religion, we are both so-called buddhist who have our own way of thinking, aka free thinker.
Then about childhood, its good to see that i'm not the only one who doesn't possess any games like gameboy, gamegear, ps...etc... and he did things which i thought i was the only one doing.
His attitude towards others and army is almost the same as me, maybe he was in uniform group previously. just like me.
Things we like and dislike are very much similar.
Most importantly, i found out that he is a middle child as well! Just as i am.
It was no wonder how i could relate to him quite the entire time.
There are only a couple of difference i see. 1) his father plays an active part in his life and growing up. I spoke very closely with his father during the short 15 mins and i was jealous. 2) he seems to like sleeping alot, he admitted at he can feel so sleepy while in the city that he is willing to spend $$ to go to cinema just to sleep. 3)he has more courage than me.
We ended our meeting today by saying that he was craving for pizzas but called back home to get turtle soup for lunch! Both of which are my favourites!!! yum yum! Did i mention that he too had kfc meals everyday for the past 2months, similiar to me??
It really felt like talking to myself from the parallel world
Hence, to all my fans! if one Tengda is too much for you to stand, bewarn!
Catching the falling leaves ...[10:55 PM]
****** ******
Monday, March 12, 2007
Current mood: Excited!
Will be bringing sec school student down kayaking + camping on tue and wed (1st batch), thurs and fri (2nd batch). I'm always looking forward to the manythings i can accomplish every single day, the next few days will be of no difference.
Spent a significant amount of time searching for my sleeping bag. The last time i used it was like .... SEc 4 peer support camp? or the sec 1 orientation camp which i went as a student councillor?
Darmend just called, he said that he can arrange to meet out this wed at tampines. Implying that, after my session on wed afternoon, we will be having dinner there. After which, a 2 hrs jouney home and will be coming back the next morning (the starting point is at pasir ris). I detest travelling alone, nothing fulfilling can be achieved. If it was army days, i'll conveniently stay overnight in camp. oh well...
I seriously cannot find anyone who appreciates the phantom to go watch with me... ANti fans? anyone??
Catching the falling leaves ...[10:49 PM]
****** ******
Sunday, March 11, 2007
Expedition
'Being an adventurer isn't that hard!' I thought, upon climbing up the giant boulder of 3 meters high using a worn out rope,'So what is there to see?'
The 3 others were already up there enjoying the scenic view from frong island. All the boulders were irregularly shaped and I was rather frightened of the thought that what if i fall. The next closest boulder is around 1.5 m away and by any chance if anyone slip and fall, it will be a one way trip down 3 meters, trapped in between the 2 sharp edges of the boulder.
Accessing that there was no other way to proceed, i stayed close to the rope waiting for them to go down. The German guy, age around 40, took a big leap and hopped to the next boulder and continued. Lim , age 60, followed suit and took his leap. This rock was just humongous and steep, whereas our footwear were slippery. Its just so dangerous! Those uncles were really very daring nonetheless inconsiderate as they failed to think about the trouble they would cause if they fell. Nevertheless, what is danger to them?
I studied Teo (of age around50), I gave out a sigh of relief when i knew that he was not joining the other 2 adventurer, if not i will be stucked above this huge boulder cos i don't know how to get down myself!
Maybe if its 1 yr back or so, i would tell myself that 'i got nothing to lose' and proceed. Things are different now.
We kayaked to ubin jetty where Lim treat us lunch (and its not cheap!) I think i ate the most because i was just too hungry. But again, since when Tengda feels guilty upon eating too much?
Once again, sorry weicai for flying your kite cause of this event... haha
'Being an adventurer isn't that hard!' I thought, upon climbing up the giant boulder of 3 meters high using a worn out rope,'So what is there to see?'
The 3 others were already up there enjoying the scenic view from frong island. All the boulders were irregularly shaped and I was rather frightened of the thought that what if i fall. The next closest boulder is around 1.5 m away and by any chance if anyone slip and fall, it will be a one way trip down 3 meters, trapped in between the 2 sharp edges of the boulder.
Accessing that there was no other way to proceed, i stayed close to the rope waiting for them to go down. The German guy, age around 40, took a big leap and hopped to the next boulder and continued. Lim , age 60, followed suit and took his leap. This rock was just humongous and steep, whereas our footwear were slippery. Its just so dangerous! Those uncles were really very daring nonetheless inconsiderate as they failed to think about the trouble they would cause if they fell. Nevertheless, what is danger to them?
I studied Teo (of age around50), I gave out a sigh of relief when i knew that he was not joining the other 2 adventurer, if not i will be stucked above this huge boulder cos i don't know how to get down myself!
Maybe if its 1 yr back or so, i would tell myself that 'i got nothing to lose' and proceed. Things are different now.
We kayaked to ubin jetty where Lim treat us lunch (and its not cheap!) I think i ate the most because i was just too hungry. But again, since when Tengda feels guilty upon eating too much?
Once again, sorry weicai for flying your kite cause of this event... haha
Catching the falling leaves ...[6:56 PM]
****** ******
Friday, March 09, 2007
I'm behaving like so because.... 2
(Warning! Another boring post to sort out my thoughts)
I feel that Jung is amazing.
He was able to pin point the characteristics (which i took along time to figure out) and organise them in a detail yet systematic way.
2 attitude: introvert x extrovert
together with 4 functions: Feeling, Intuition, Sensing, Thinking
Will give us the 8 Psychoogical types. (of cos it slowly developed in to 16 types, but its just too chim to be looked into)
FEeling and Thinking go hand in hand, just as intuition and sensing.
MEaning if you are a introvert feeling type, your unconscious will be the opposite, meaning extrovert thinking.
HE tells us that we are wearing the mask of one of these 8 psychological types, but according to situation and the society we will just change temporarily (what i call adaptability, im a very fake person, so i can change easily.).
The personalilty of the unconscious part will be projected as the one u 'love'.
"By embracing her, he is indirectly embracing his own feeling nature. But as he becomes more aware of his unconscious feeling throught the relationship, there will be less fascination and the projection will be withdrawn."
While reading this, i think what i would think in the past and things makes senses. Nonetheless, i was having a hard time deciding which function type i am as i kept on switching from one to another.
EGO (light) and SHADOW: 'the shadow is our own darkside which the ego wishes to hide from others.'
One thing i like about Jung is that he has split personalities, just like how i was!
Initially, it was just a forceful act to cover up my darkness, and soon you are who you pretend...And of cos due to abnormal narcissism. I slowly came to terms with it by absorb myself into the darkness, in a way we merged into one. (once again referrence to Goddess Rurosa Arc) What will happen when light and shadow merge? Certainly there are times which i still want to hide my feelings (maybe like during Alex's incident when i started behaving like an idiot), nonetheless at times like this I'll tell myself that there is nothing to hide nor be ashamed or fear.
(Warning! Another boring post to sort out my thoughts)
I feel that Jung is amazing.
He was able to pin point the characteristics (which i took along time to figure out) and organise them in a detail yet systematic way.
2 attitude: introvert x extrovert
together with 4 functions: Feeling, Intuition, Sensing, Thinking
Will give us the 8 Psychoogical types. (of cos it slowly developed in to 16 types, but its just too chim to be looked into)
FEeling and Thinking go hand in hand, just as intuition and sensing.
MEaning if you are a introvert feeling type, your unconscious will be the opposite, meaning extrovert thinking.
HE tells us that we are wearing the mask of one of these 8 psychological types, but according to situation and the society we will just change temporarily (what i call adaptability, im a very fake person, so i can change easily.).
The personalilty of the unconscious part will be projected as the one u 'love'.
"By embracing her, he is indirectly embracing his own feeling nature. But as he becomes more aware of his unconscious feeling throught the relationship, there will be less fascination and the projection will be withdrawn."
While reading this, i think what i would think in the past and things makes senses. Nonetheless, i was having a hard time deciding which function type i am as i kept on switching from one to another.
EGO (light) and SHADOW: 'the shadow is our own darkside which the ego wishes to hide from others.'
One thing i like about Jung is that he has split personalities, just like how i was!
Initially, it was just a forceful act to cover up my darkness, and soon you are who you pretend...And of cos due to abnormal narcissism. I slowly came to terms with it by absorb myself into the darkness, in a way we merged into one. (once again referrence to Goddess Rurosa Arc) What will happen when light and shadow merge? Certainly there are times which i still want to hide my feelings (maybe like during Alex's incident when i started behaving like an idiot), nonetheless at times like this I'll tell myself that there is nothing to hide nor be ashamed or fear.
Catching the falling leaves ...[9:46 PM]
****** ******
Rubbish...
| Your Personality is the Rarest (INFJ) |
 Your personality type is introspective, principled, self critical, and sensitive. Only about 2% of all people have your personality - including 3% of all women and around 1% of all men. You are Introverted, Intuitive, Feeling, and Judging. |
Catching the falling leaves ...[1:41 PM]
****** ******
Wednesday, March 07, 2007
我和mummy有个约会
My Date with a mummy.
WEnt out with mother today at orchard. Did some window shopping, ate japanese meal together, went to library and kino to get books and last of all we went to watch protege!
Along the way, we met with her old secondary schoolclassmate, together with her son (they were doing some medical checkup there). The son just got his 'A' level result. Of course, the greatest statisfaction of any woman was being able to win the hypocritical debate (is there such phrase anyway?) on how good the children is. Mother didn't admit eventually, but i know her too well on what she thinks. Could sense mother's sense of satisfaction when i started promoting myself infront of the friend, in addition, gave some subtle yet spiteful remarks on the son. Oh my, i'm so good at it.
AFter the encounter, she started sharing on how her friend wasnt so good in school.... but just lucky to marry a filthy rich husband... blah blah blah... Women..
Its confirmed and verified that mother and japanese food can never mix. Actually knew about that all along, just wanted to give the japan another chance...
I think this is the very first time ever that just 2 of us watching movie together... how romantic.
What is more, we ate chestnut aka gaoluck in the cinema. Well at least its still a '---nut'
===================
I found a blogsite written by another guy of the same name as me. He is at his primary school and yet his english is great! It couldn't imagine myself typing out english of grammatical standard like his even now, not to mention primary school.
This guy is english educated. Because of the nature of his father's work, he has been travelling to canada, china and serveral other countries. I find him not only cute but also cool. He has a younger brother call alex... Anymore description, someone might just sue me for stalking a poor innocent boy....heh heh..
There is always something I can learn from anyone, not to mention my 'counter part'
My Date with a mummy.
WEnt out with mother today at orchard. Did some window shopping, ate japanese meal together, went to library and kino to get books and last of all we went to watch protege!
Along the way, we met with her old secondary schoolclassmate, together with her son (they were doing some medical checkup there). The son just got his 'A' level result. Of course, the greatest statisfaction of any woman was being able to win the hypocritical debate (is there such phrase anyway?) on how good the children is. Mother didn't admit eventually, but i know her too well on what she thinks. Could sense mother's sense of satisfaction when i started promoting myself infront of the friend, in addition, gave some subtle yet spiteful remarks on the son. Oh my, i'm so good at it.
AFter the encounter, she started sharing on how her friend wasnt so good in school.... but just lucky to marry a filthy rich husband... blah blah blah... Women..
Its confirmed and verified that mother and japanese food can never mix. Actually knew about that all along, just wanted to give the japan another chance...
I think this is the very first time ever that just 2 of us watching movie together... how romantic.
What is more, we ate chestnut aka gaoluck in the cinema. Well at least its still a '---nut'
===================
I found a blogsite written by another guy of the same name as me. He is at his primary school and yet his english is great! It couldn't imagine myself typing out english of grammatical standard like his even now, not to mention primary school.
This guy is english educated. Because of the nature of his father's work, he has been travelling to canada, china and serveral other countries. I find him not only cute but also cool. He has a younger brother call alex... Anymore description, someone might just sue me for stalking a poor innocent boy....heh heh..
There is always something I can learn from anyone, not to mention my 'counter part'
Catching the falling leaves ...[11:22 PM]
****** ******
Tuesday, March 06, 2007
happy tone!
Consciously, i've been upgrading myself in many ways, preparing myself for what is there to come. Learning Malay, reading up on stuff that anyone of my age should already known (just that i'm too lazy to do my research and stuff), doing the sports which i missed out for years and writing... This story im writing MUST end.
Summary of Itinerary for this week!
Dhamah, the manager, called yesterday, inviting me to lead students down for kayaking next week. 4 days in a roll! It will be like some overnight camp. Sounds exciting. Can't wait for next week to come.
Mother and i will be going down to orchard for her medical report. (refer to last week post)
"why not we go to catch a movie after everything?"i joked, it has been ages since she last watch a movie in cinema.
"why not?" she replied,"it has been ages since i watch a movie in cinema!"
"yah!"i exclaimed, didn't expect her reponses...
"the last time we watched, the trees can move..."she continued, in response to LOTR 2 where the Ents moved,"Lets watch something i can understand."
Going to NTU this fri and sat with alan for medical and openhouse respectively.
Right now, i'm trying to get jerome to bring me to crash his lecture this fri.... but he just dont want to reply me.... sickening... (is it me, or is everybody avoiding me? first is gu, next is benn, then jb.... then him!!)
Sunday will be going to sentosa with weicai! Agenda, to go relax, destress from his prelims and to see some mei niu hopefully. Lets pray the weather will be great!
Actually my schedule for all my weeks are as exciting as this. Just that guys will be guys.
There are times that you can't help it but to whine your problems away.
There are times in which you will want to tell everybody how tragic your life can be, as if no one else has their own worries.
And there are times you just want to remove all those layers of pride to let others pity you for the pain you are suffering.
All in all, i'm a happy person deep down, dont let the recent posts fool you. I'm intending to post one last sad post to conclude the event next month. Tts that, it has to come to a close.
Consciously, i've been upgrading myself in many ways, preparing myself for what is there to come. Learning Malay, reading up on stuff that anyone of my age should already known (just that i'm too lazy to do my research and stuff), doing the sports which i missed out for years and writing... This story im writing MUST end.
Summary of Itinerary for this week!
Dhamah, the manager, called yesterday, inviting me to lead students down for kayaking next week. 4 days in a roll! It will be like some overnight camp. Sounds exciting. Can't wait for next week to come.
Mother and i will be going down to orchard for her medical report. (refer to last week post)
"why not we go to catch a movie after everything?"i joked, it has been ages since she last watch a movie in cinema.
"why not?" she replied,"it has been ages since i watch a movie in cinema!"
"yah!"i exclaimed, didn't expect her reponses...
"the last time we watched, the trees can move..."she continued, in response to LOTR 2 where the Ents moved,"Lets watch something i can understand."
Going to NTU this fri and sat with alan for medical and openhouse respectively.
Right now, i'm trying to get jerome to bring me to crash his lecture this fri.... but he just dont want to reply me.... sickening... (is it me, or is everybody avoiding me? first is gu, next is benn, then jb.... then him!!)
Sunday will be going to sentosa with weicai! Agenda, to go relax, destress from his prelims and to see some mei niu hopefully. Lets pray the weather will be great!
Actually my schedule for all my weeks are as exciting as this. Just that guys will be guys.
There are times that you can't help it but to whine your problems away.
There are times in which you will want to tell everybody how tragic your life can be, as if no one else has their own worries.
And there are times you just want to remove all those layers of pride to let others pity you for the pain you are suffering.
All in all, i'm a happy person deep down, dont let the recent posts fool you. I'm intending to post one last sad post to conclude the event next month. Tts that, it has to come to a close.
Catching the falling leaves ...[8:46 PM]
****** ******
Monday, March 05, 2007
Nightmare
(Warning! Sad, boring post. Read at your own risk)
It has been 3 weeks since that incident. Though i've already moved on, i'm still unconsciously tormented by it. Yes, I know myself so well that i know what is my unconscious thinking, simply because i know this is something i will repress in my mind.
It was to the extent that I had a vivd nightmare yesterday.
This time it was the news of the death of my best friend. Along with it was the scene of all the ceremonies, ritual and aftermath.
I woke up, telling myself its not real and continued sleeping.
Soon afterwhich, the nightmare continued itself. This time more vivd as it shows the scene of what i was doing when the news of my best friend's death came. How everybody rush here and there to see this friend one last time...
Once again I woke up deliriously, at this point i couldnt tell the difference between dreams and reality. Think i fell asleep again but dream about it for the 3rd time...
The dream seemed so vivd that i don't know if i really did receive a call last night saying about that incident or not. Hence, when i woke up, i immediately call my friend. Gave out a sigh of relieve when i heard the voice, then quickily used some silly stuff to coverup my motive of calling.
I know the only way for me to help myself is to share it out. (Else it will become some mental illness or something, sekali become hysteria! ) Thus, i msged the regular in the army whom i regarded as my brother:
It has been 3 weeks since then. How is everyone adjusting there? Need me to sign on to give support? (This incident is haunting me in my dreams.. i think i need so psychatrist help..) Is there any leads to the accident by any chance?
The bracket part was deleted upon sending as i decided not to trouble him to worry about me. If i myself is tormented by it, i don't think he is of any different for we had so much in common. Lets hope he himself is coping it well.... Nonetheless, he have not replied.
Yesterday was the full moon, once again i think it must have something to do with this. The moon must be causing people to have nightmares... .... -_- who am i blaming? I feel so pathetic.
(Warning! Sad, boring post. Read at your own risk)
It has been 3 weeks since that incident. Though i've already moved on, i'm still unconsciously tormented by it. Yes, I know myself so well that i know what is my unconscious thinking, simply because i know this is something i will repress in my mind.
It was to the extent that I had a vivd nightmare yesterday.
This time it was the news of the death of my best friend. Along with it was the scene of all the ceremonies, ritual and aftermath.
I woke up, telling myself its not real and continued sleeping.
Soon afterwhich, the nightmare continued itself. This time more vivd as it shows the scene of what i was doing when the news of my best friend's death came. How everybody rush here and there to see this friend one last time...
Once again I woke up deliriously, at this point i couldnt tell the difference between dreams and reality. Think i fell asleep again but dream about it for the 3rd time...
The dream seemed so vivd that i don't know if i really did receive a call last night saying about that incident or not. Hence, when i woke up, i immediately call my friend. Gave out a sigh of relieve when i heard the voice, then quickily used some silly stuff to coverup my motive of calling.
I know the only way for me to help myself is to share it out. (Else it will become some mental illness or something, sekali become hysteria! ) Thus, i msged the regular in the army whom i regarded as my brother:
It has been 3 weeks since then. How is everyone adjusting there? Need me to sign on to give support? (This incident is haunting me in my dreams.. i think i need so psychatrist help..) Is there any leads to the accident by any chance?
The bracket part was deleted upon sending as i decided not to trouble him to worry about me. If i myself is tormented by it, i don't think he is of any different for we had so much in common. Lets hope he himself is coping it well.... Nonetheless, he have not replied.
Yesterday was the full moon, once again i think it must have something to do with this. The moon must be causing people to have nightmares... .... -_- who am i blaming? I feel so pathetic.
Catching the falling leaves ...[10:58 PM]
****** ******
Saturday, March 03, 2007
One last Chance
'A' level results were released yesterday.
I was overwhelmed by emotions, from the past, present and future..
My average score in my A levels is mainly due to my very own defeat. I have no one else to blame, for i brought this upon myself. By the time i struggled to minimise my lost, this result is all i can salvage.
Its amazing how come i didn't take into consideration, how this exams can decide my future.
Thus, the efforts i put in were just the bare minimal to get what i (thought i) wanted. Such a pity for me when i know all along i can do so much better, i have that capability.
I was just one of the little people then.
And there i have it, got my place in uni, got the course i (think i) want. That's that.
Seriously, my achievements in jc is something i'm not proud about. Due to several reasons i couldn't focus. Its one of the two most difficult periods i had gone through in my life. I didn't know what i really wanted, I didn't have the confidence i always portrayed during my other parts of life. Couldn't find any purpose in life, no desire, nothing, there seemed to be no point for me to be doing anything more than the bare minimal required. I was lost.
But in return, i've learnt many things the hard way. (rmb what i always say that i never regret in my actions? yah) 1)Opportunities doesn't come often, hence i always seize every opportunity whenever i have the chance. To phrase it in a despicable way, to make full use of everyone or things when I have the chance. 2) The joy to put in every thing i got to achieve my goal. 3)Everything is possible as long as i can put my mind into it 4) to enjoy and treasure every part of my life, i've missed out so many things due to my procrastination 5) I am a perfectionist, either i do it every well or i'll mess it up... badly... (have i ever mentioned that jc was the only time in my schooling life that i've failed my test/exams, other then english?)... etc etc etc
That was 2 yrs ago.
Stubbornness and pride do not allow me to admit this to anyone. But the fact that i refused to reveal my weakness, shows that I, myself, refused to accept and face the problems. I was just running away from my fears. Yes, mr yee, you were right.
Army time was the period i felt free. It was a 2 yrs break from my 12 yrs of studying.
My failure, nevertheless, brought me even further from what i first thought. It was to the extent that there are people who kept on asking why am i always so optimistic, enthusiastic and involved. Several reasons, and this is one of them. This long break, in the mist of protecting the country, gave me the time i really need to sort out my thoughts (noticed i've been in daze and in deep thoughts very often during army...haha)and to find out what i truely wanted.
During the period, i've seen starlights, dreams and visions.. Hopes and promises. Along with it, their opposites.
There are just so much goodness to be done in this world. So much greatness within me to be achieved. And most of all, there are so many things that depend on me. With the support of many along the way (most of them don't know of the greatness they have done), i've slowly eliminate my obstacles. I found myself shining once again with renewed confidence.
'A' level results were released yesterday.
I was overwhelmed by emotions, from the past, present and future..
My average score in my A levels is mainly due to my very own defeat. I have no one else to blame, for i brought this upon myself. By the time i struggled to minimise my lost, this result is all i can salvage.
Its amazing how come i didn't take into consideration, how this exams can decide my future.
Thus, the efforts i put in were just the bare minimal to get what i (thought i) wanted. Such a pity for me when i know all along i can do so much better, i have that capability.
I was just one of the little people then.
And there i have it, got my place in uni, got the course i (think i) want. That's that.
Seriously, my achievements in jc is something i'm not proud about. Due to several reasons i couldn't focus. Its one of the two most difficult periods i had gone through in my life. I didn't know what i really wanted, I didn't have the confidence i always portrayed during my other parts of life. Couldn't find any purpose in life, no desire, nothing, there seemed to be no point for me to be doing anything more than the bare minimal required. I was lost.
But in return, i've learnt many things the hard way. (rmb what i always say that i never regret in my actions? yah) 1)Opportunities doesn't come often, hence i always seize every opportunity whenever i have the chance. To phrase it in a despicable way, to make full use of everyone or things when I have the chance. 2) The joy to put in every thing i got to achieve my goal. 3)Everything is possible as long as i can put my mind into it 4) to enjoy and treasure every part of my life, i've missed out so many things due to my procrastination 5) I am a perfectionist, either i do it every well or i'll mess it up... badly... (have i ever mentioned that jc was the only time in my schooling life that i've failed my test/exams, other then english?)... etc etc etc
That was 2 yrs ago.
Stubbornness and pride do not allow me to admit this to anyone. But the fact that i refused to reveal my weakness, shows that I, myself, refused to accept and face the problems. I was just running away from my fears. Yes, mr yee, you were right.
Army time was the period i felt free. It was a 2 yrs break from my 12 yrs of studying.
My failure, nevertheless, brought me even further from what i first thought. It was to the extent that there are people who kept on asking why am i always so optimistic, enthusiastic and involved. Several reasons, and this is one of them. This long break, in the mist of protecting the country, gave me the time i really need to sort out my thoughts (noticed i've been in daze and in deep thoughts very often during army...haha)and to find out what i truely wanted.
During the period, i've seen starlights, dreams and visions.. Hopes and promises. Along with it, their opposites.
There are just so much goodness to be done in this world. So much greatness within me to be achieved. And most of all, there are so many things that depend on me. With the support of many along the way (most of them don't know of the greatness they have done), i've slowly eliminate my obstacles. I found myself shining once again with renewed confidence.
After army, was another challenge. It is the second most difficult period which i'm determined to face, alone. Behind the obstinate mask, lies the despair face of hope and love. (refer to Queen Rurosa arc) I couldn't afford to spent time to 'enjoy while i can' once i realised that. There are just so much good out there to be done. That was why i immediately opt to start my university as soon as possible, which is May.
The challenge was ended with an unexpected twist during its last week, the only thing that started giving me sleepless nights and brought me to tears in years. Alex's accident. It is going to be close to a month since that day, and i'm still thinking about it every single day. Its as if i have the power to stop this from happening, even now. As i've mentioned, there are things we can accept but can never live with it. Just as i thought i've learnt everything i need to know in life, there is still something i've yet to learn, LOST. A pact was made between us. I can't wait to fulfill my end of the promise.
During this period, I've studied the stars, spoken with great philosophers, and most importantly of all, read into LIVES.
This is my story.
========================
I just went down with yongcheng to Suntec for the career/education fair. I need to reconfirm my choices which i made 2 yrs ago. Most prob its resulted from throwing of a dice. If I am having second thoughts and realise that there is a need to change, it will be now. It will be my last chance to redraw the dotted line before connecting the line with ink. And once made, i'll put everything i got into it. No turning back, no regret, as always.
Catching the falling leaves ...[4:12 PM]
****** ******
*Bloogies*
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*edwin cheng
*guang rong
*ziqiangj03
*halfdotz
*estelle
*alvinj03
*?tengda?
*soonleong
*joel
*wenyan
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