Tuesday, March 31, 2009
Qing ming
"Qing Ming"ing for the weekend
It never fails to make me very gan shang every time I go for qing ming prayers.
many random thoughts:
1) People talk about the dead relatives everytime they go to pay respect and the same topic will be said year after year after year. And it just seems the death just happened not long ago...
2) My grandmother died young, it has been more than 50 years she died.
3) My mother is a mix of both modern and traditional ideas. She understands the significance of Qingming and will do the necessary rituals and procedure for it, but just feels that what for making so much hassel to pay respect for the death when all we need is to show more concern of those people who are alive.
4) Qing ming is the only time other than chinese new year that my extended family members make the point to meet up. Should that be the case?
5) The first episode of little nonya said something like this 'We all have a need to know our past and roots, just like a fallen leave that does not know which tree it came from'.
During my secondary school days, when we were exposed to history, we find it hard to understand why we need to learn abt the history when we are working so hard for the future. But little we know that we are right now living in the dreams of the people from the past, just like people of the future will be living in our dreams.
Whose dreams are you living in?
"Qing Ming"ing for the weekend
It never fails to make me very gan shang every time I go for qing ming prayers.
many random thoughts:
1) People talk about the dead relatives everytime they go to pay respect and the same topic will be said year after year after year. And it just seems the death just happened not long ago...
2) My grandmother died young, it has been more than 50 years she died.
3) My mother is a mix of both modern and traditional ideas. She understands the significance of Qingming and will do the necessary rituals and procedure for it, but just feels that what for making so much hassel to pay respect for the death when all we need is to show more concern of those people who are alive.
4) Qing ming is the only time other than chinese new year that my extended family members make the point to meet up. Should that be the case?
5) The first episode of little nonya said something like this 'We all have a need to know our past and roots, just like a fallen leave that does not know which tree it came from'.
During my secondary school days, when we were exposed to history, we find it hard to understand why we need to learn abt the history when we are working so hard for the future. But little we know that we are right now living in the dreams of the people from the past, just like people of the future will be living in our dreams.
Whose dreams are you living in?
Catching the falling leaves ...[9:59 PM]
****** ******
Tuesday, March 24, 2009
self conscious
I am an extremely self conscious person. Conscious on how others think of me so much so it will make me highly anxious, affecting my performance, just having the thought that someone is evaluating me.
It is something inborn i would say, and i learnt the hard way that is it not something i can change but something i will have to get use to and hopefully being able to conceal my anxiousness effectively.
I remember there was a time that i was afraid that people will laugh at me wearing a singlet, will laugh at me having a plaster on my wound or will laugh at me wearing spectacles or having my eye injured. Perhaps, this is where it started from and i brought this anxiousness up with me till this day.
Afraid and being highly anxious that people will evaluate me for the worst, i tend to kept things to myself only to share it when i am i my most comfortable state.
That is why I
1) dont share personal information with others when i was being questioned, only to reveal something vague and general. Ganesha was forever irritated by that, nonetheless the more he questions the more i felt uncomfortable in sharing so much so he felt that i have many personal things that i am hiding where there is nothing much actually.
2)Dont really like talking to people of higher power/authority/senior. ITs awfully stressful if there is someone who I know is more experience than me in some areas. And if i started communicating with them, i will be very conscious of what i said in the fear of saying the wrong things. Things get worst if they started asking me questions and i will definitely break down.
When this happens there are two mechanism i will result in
a) to reveal my anxiety by shuttering and stumbling
b) to put up a cold front to hide my anxiousness. I suddenly remember it used to be a smile a long time ago, but perhaps not smiling seems more easier that is why i forget how to smile when applying mechanism b.
3) Talk very little of my own personal experience or opinions and only talk of neutral things such as school work with my friends and family. of cos if i talk very little of my own, i wouldnt be asking others about theirs.
4) mix well with juniors/ students/lower ranks. The anxiousness will not be there as i dont sense them evaluating me.
All these concepts is really very simple. Just that many people just couldnt put their finger to it and couldnt explain what it is all about. They called it the 'x-factor', a crude way of describing people who are not anxious upon evaluation. Well, it took me quite sometime to figure it myself too.
Many people asked me why i am talking psychology. Sometimes i find it fairly easy to figure out why are others behaving this way, nonetheless, many a times i just couldn't figure out why i am behaving this way. I need to know why and along the way i am slowly making sense of things.
But then,
sometimes some answers might just appear when you least expect it...
I am an extremely self conscious person. Conscious on how others think of me so much so it will make me highly anxious, affecting my performance, just having the thought that someone is evaluating me.
It is something inborn i would say, and i learnt the hard way that is it not something i can change but something i will have to get use to and hopefully being able to conceal my anxiousness effectively.
I remember there was a time that i was afraid that people will laugh at me wearing a singlet, will laugh at me having a plaster on my wound or will laugh at me wearing spectacles or having my eye injured. Perhaps, this is where it started from and i brought this anxiousness up with me till this day.
Afraid and being highly anxious that people will evaluate me for the worst, i tend to kept things to myself only to share it when i am i my most comfortable state.
That is why I
1) dont share personal information with others when i was being questioned, only to reveal something vague and general. Ganesha was forever irritated by that, nonetheless the more he questions the more i felt uncomfortable in sharing so much so he felt that i have many personal things that i am hiding where there is nothing much actually.
2)Dont really like talking to people of higher power/authority/senior. ITs awfully stressful if there is someone who I know is more experience than me in some areas. And if i started communicating with them, i will be very conscious of what i said in the fear of saying the wrong things. Things get worst if they started asking me questions and i will definitely break down.
When this happens there are two mechanism i will result in
a) to reveal my anxiety by shuttering and stumbling
b) to put up a cold front to hide my anxiousness. I suddenly remember it used to be a smile a long time ago, but perhaps not smiling seems more easier that is why i forget how to smile when applying mechanism b.
3) Talk very little of my own personal experience or opinions and only talk of neutral things such as school work with my friends and family. of cos if i talk very little of my own, i wouldnt be asking others about theirs.
4) mix well with juniors/ students/lower ranks. The anxiousness will not be there as i dont sense them evaluating me.
All these concepts is really very simple. Just that many people just couldnt put their finger to it and couldnt explain what it is all about. They called it the 'x-factor', a crude way of describing people who are not anxious upon evaluation. Well, it took me quite sometime to figure it myself too.
Many people asked me why i am talking psychology. Sometimes i find it fairly easy to figure out why are others behaving this way, nonetheless, many a times i just couldn't figure out why i am behaving this way. I need to know why and along the way i am slowly making sense of things.
But then,
sometimes some answers might just appear when you least expect it...
Catching the falling leaves ...[11:08 PM]
****** ******
Wednesday, March 18, 2009
social desirability
Social desirability is when you want to show your desired image to others.
It happens all the time like when you are filling up questionaires or when you are just with your friends. We want others to view us in a positive manner, hence we will consciously or unconsciously overrate our positive selfs and try to conceal our negative side.
I feel that overtime, it seems to me that people might just believe that they are this way when in fact they are not. Occasionally, they might become who they are pretending to be by adopting these positive actions. Nonetheless, there are people who just can't change.
IT seems to me that the way we gather empirical evidence by interviewing is rather flawed. The most recent interview regarding the Stress experience when we are supposed to find 5 stressful situation from someone.
OF cos in singapore contexts, it is normal to be stress out with school work. Hence, most of the information gathered was regarding school work. I got a feeling that my interviewee has some problem regarding relationships. But perhaps due to social desirability, he does not want me to know what is going on hence did not mention anything or sort.
For me myself, i know i am easily stress out. Driving a lorry, being in charge of something, unsure if i am in the right track for my assignment to name a few. But since I am much more concern about how others view me. Social desirability does not allow me to admit all these can stress me out. In front of others, i should be of high self esteem. So much so all these have been push to the back of my mind making me believe that these things does not stress me all.
But in fact they still do, so when these things happen to me and since i forgot that i am supposed to be stress out over such things, i will be much more vulnerable to them and the stress is much more. And as soon as these stress are over, i will once again forgot abt them... so the cycle goes.
Then again, there are no actual finding to say if this is a bad thing or not....hmm..
Social desirability is when you want to show your desired image to others.
It happens all the time like when you are filling up questionaires or when you are just with your friends. We want others to view us in a positive manner, hence we will consciously or unconsciously overrate our positive selfs and try to conceal our negative side.
I feel that overtime, it seems to me that people might just believe that they are this way when in fact they are not. Occasionally, they might become who they are pretending to be by adopting these positive actions. Nonetheless, there are people who just can't change.
IT seems to me that the way we gather empirical evidence by interviewing is rather flawed. The most recent interview regarding the Stress experience when we are supposed to find 5 stressful situation from someone.
OF cos in singapore contexts, it is normal to be stress out with school work. Hence, most of the information gathered was regarding school work. I got a feeling that my interviewee has some problem regarding relationships. But perhaps due to social desirability, he does not want me to know what is going on hence did not mention anything or sort.
For me myself, i know i am easily stress out. Driving a lorry, being in charge of something, unsure if i am in the right track for my assignment to name a few. But since I am much more concern about how others view me. Social desirability does not allow me to admit all these can stress me out. In front of others, i should be of high self esteem. So much so all these have been push to the back of my mind making me believe that these things does not stress me all.
But in fact they still do, so when these things happen to me and since i forgot that i am supposed to be stress out over such things, i will be much more vulnerable to them and the stress is much more. And as soon as these stress are over, i will once again forgot abt them... so the cycle goes.
Then again, there are no actual finding to say if this is a bad thing or not....hmm..
Catching the falling leaves ...[9:36 PM]
****** ******
Friday, March 13, 2009
Unrealistic Optimism
Unrealistic optimism occurs when one think that good things are more likely to happen while bad things are less likely to happen.
A fair amount of unrealistic optimism is good in the sense that we will be able to appraise stressful situation more positively hence able to reallocate resources effectly to cope with the situation. Nonetheless, too much of it will lead one to be more vulnerable.
I believe i belong to the extreme part of unrealistic optimism.
Always thinking that things are not as bad as it seems and there are worst things that are happening to others.
So much so that there are things happening in the society that i never think to be happening so badly.
I always thought loansharks are a thing of the past, and cases of hassessing the people to get the money back are a thing of the past or even only happening in television to sensationalise the drama. Hence, upon seeing cases of hassessing the first thing that come to my mind was what era is it now? Why are there still loansharks around in singapore? aren't they supposed to be a thing of the past?
Seriously, its really very hard to start up a loanshark company in singapore.
The punishment that is imposed. The ease of getting a legal loan from banks and financial centers. If there is really a need to gather money there are just so many ways to obtain money, certainly not from loansharks.
So isnt it the case that loansharks are not loaning very little money?
And if they are loaning very little money already, isn't it a little tight in their budget to go about doing publicity stunts to get people to buy paints and locks to hassess people?
That is not considering they are being caught.
And this is Singapore. Their only stunt is hassessment. Any more will cause them trouble.
So logically, shouldnt such profession died down long time ago?
As such my first reaction to the incident was that it was really not a big deal. These people will certainly get tired after awhile and will definitely stop their silly meaningless drama. And was quite impress that they are still hanging on to this profession.
Thus, I was actually taken aback upon knowing the figures of more than 1200 cases happening in singapore last year. This is around 4 cases of hassessment every day.
And these hassessment are done by youth,
Lots of social implications i would say.
Unrealistic optimism occurs when one think that good things are more likely to happen while bad things are less likely to happen.
A fair amount of unrealistic optimism is good in the sense that we will be able to appraise stressful situation more positively hence able to reallocate resources effectly to cope with the situation. Nonetheless, too much of it will lead one to be more vulnerable.
I believe i belong to the extreme part of unrealistic optimism.
Always thinking that things are not as bad as it seems and there are worst things that are happening to others.
So much so that there are things happening in the society that i never think to be happening so badly.
I always thought loansharks are a thing of the past, and cases of hassessing the people to get the money back are a thing of the past or even only happening in television to sensationalise the drama. Hence, upon seeing cases of hassessing the first thing that come to my mind was what era is it now? Why are there still loansharks around in singapore? aren't they supposed to be a thing of the past?
Seriously, its really very hard to start up a loanshark company in singapore.
The punishment that is imposed. The ease of getting a legal loan from banks and financial centers. If there is really a need to gather money there are just so many ways to obtain money, certainly not from loansharks.
So isnt it the case that loansharks are not loaning very little money?
And if they are loaning very little money already, isn't it a little tight in their budget to go about doing publicity stunts to get people to buy paints and locks to hassess people?
That is not considering they are being caught.
And this is Singapore. Their only stunt is hassessment. Any more will cause them trouble.
So logically, shouldnt such profession died down long time ago?
As such my first reaction to the incident was that it was really not a big deal. These people will certainly get tired after awhile and will definitely stop their silly meaningless drama. And was quite impress that they are still hanging on to this profession.
Thus, I was actually taken aback upon knowing the figures of more than 1200 cases happening in singapore last year. This is around 4 cases of hassessment every day.
And these hassessment are done by youth,
Lots of social implications i would say.
Catching the falling leaves ...[11:11 PM]
****** ******
Thursday, March 12, 2009
high stress high anxiety
I am predisposationally highly susceptiable to stress especially those due to interpersonal interaction.
Hence, giving a presentation has always been a problem since i didnt know how to handle it.
Whenever i tried practicing pior the actual presentaion things got worst simply due to the fact that i have Pior knowledge of how good I can be compare to my performance. With an observer around, I would underestimate their expectation about me. Due to the bad performance, this give rise to high level of stress and anxiety, which is a self fulling prohecy for me to do badly for the actual performance.
So i tried not rehearsing much, trying to let things flow. But simply because there is no practice, things doesn't flow and when idea get stuck, i will once again have a high level of stress and anxiety which will once again hinder my performance.
So next time, whenever i have a presentation i should practice by hard days before the actual presentation and let things flow during the acutal performace, making sure the anxiety doesnt go too high.. hmm...
Another presentation next week! so fun!
I am predisposationally highly susceptiable to stress especially those due to interpersonal interaction.
Hence, giving a presentation has always been a problem since i didnt know how to handle it.
Whenever i tried practicing pior the actual presentaion things got worst simply due to the fact that i have Pior knowledge of how good I can be compare to my performance. With an observer around, I would underestimate their expectation about me. Due to the bad performance, this give rise to high level of stress and anxiety, which is a self fulling prohecy for me to do badly for the actual performance.
So i tried not rehearsing much, trying to let things flow. But simply because there is no practice, things doesn't flow and when idea get stuck, i will once again have a high level of stress and anxiety which will once again hinder my performance.
So next time, whenever i have a presentation i should practice by hard days before the actual presentation and let things flow during the acutal performace, making sure the anxiety doesnt go too high.. hmm...
Another presentation next week! so fun!
Catching the falling leaves ...[2:26 PM]
****** ******
Tuesday, March 10, 2009
The scientist...
The scientist
Come up to meet you,
tell you I'm sorry
You don't know how lovely you are.
I had to find you,
tell you I need you,
Tell you I set you apart.
Tell me your secrets
and ask me your questions,
Oh lets go back to the start.
Running in circles,
Comin' in tails
Heads on a science apart.
Nobody said it was easy,
It's such a shame for us to part.
Nobody said it was easy,
No one ever said it would be this hard.
Oh take me back to the start.
I was just guessin' at numbers and figures,
Pulling the puzzles apart.
Questions of science, science and progress
Do not speak as loud as my heart.
And tell me you love me, come back and haunt me
Oh and I rush to the start.
Runnin' in circles,
Chasin' tailsComin' back as we are
Nobody said it was easy,
Oh it's such a shame for us to part.
Nobody said it was easy,
No one ever said it would be so hard.
I'm goin' back to the start.
---------
A strange dream indeed.
I can't remember when was the last time I dreamt.
Polly was due to the intensive revision on social Psych regarding the interpersonal attraction resulting in the subconscious wanting to think more.
Seriously, its just so easy to lead others to be attracted to you. Just be mere exposual can direct one to be attracted and subsequently fall in love.
This is how nature goes, i supposed.
And for chinese, we attribute such mere exposual as fate.
Fate lead us to meet, to be exposed to one another.
Dream that i went back in time a year ago.
Everything seems to be the same to me, except one thing, the strong relationship has yet to be formed.
If we can really go back to the start,
Will I do the same things again?
Will We be able to form a strong bonds again?
Even if i do the same things, will things be the same again?
Certainly, another dream to remind me how important my life is now and I should treasure it even more.
Isn't thats what being a scientist is all about?
The scientist
Come up to meet you,
tell you I'm sorry
You don't know how lovely you are.
I had to find you,
tell you I need you,
Tell you I set you apart.
Tell me your secrets
and ask me your questions,
Oh lets go back to the start.
Running in circles,
Comin' in tails
Heads on a science apart.
Nobody said it was easy,
It's such a shame for us to part.
Nobody said it was easy,
No one ever said it would be this hard.
Oh take me back to the start.
I was just guessin' at numbers and figures,
Pulling the puzzles apart.
Questions of science, science and progress
Do not speak as loud as my heart.
And tell me you love me, come back and haunt me
Oh and I rush to the start.
Runnin' in circles,
Chasin' tailsComin' back as we are
Nobody said it was easy,
Oh it's such a shame for us to part.
Nobody said it was easy,
No one ever said it would be so hard.
I'm goin' back to the start.
---------
A strange dream indeed.
I can't remember when was the last time I dreamt.
Polly was due to the intensive revision on social Psych regarding the interpersonal attraction resulting in the subconscious wanting to think more.
Seriously, its just so easy to lead others to be attracted to you. Just be mere exposual can direct one to be attracted and subsequently fall in love.
This is how nature goes, i supposed.
And for chinese, we attribute such mere exposual as fate.
Fate lead us to meet, to be exposed to one another.
Dream that i went back in time a year ago.
Everything seems to be the same to me, except one thing, the strong relationship has yet to be formed.
If we can really go back to the start,
Will I do the same things again?
Will We be able to form a strong bonds again?
Even if i do the same things, will things be the same again?
Certainly, another dream to remind me how important my life is now and I should treasure it even more.
Isn't thats what being a scientist is all about?
Catching the falling leaves ...[9:01 PM]
****** ******
Monday, March 09, 2009
Asian Psych
人生无常，
如猫眼变化，
亦如月圆月缺
然而，
变化无常的世界也有不变的道理。。。 。。。
人生无常，
如猫眼变化，
亦如月圆月缺
然而，
变化无常的世界也有不变的道理。。。 。。。
Catching the falling leaves ...[6:50 PM]
****** ******
Break More legs!
It has been more then a year since I've driven a manual car!
I have always wanted to practise driving around in a manual car, cos we know how skills can be lost if we dont use it. But we all know we should always be careful wat we wished for.
IT all begin as just a practise drive around the area. Never expect that the road just doesn't link back to where i came from! the road just goes further and further and before i realised ive reached PS! Talking about how assessible Singapore road can be...
I am predisposationally highly anxious. Experience so far has lead me to hide my anxiousness, only to reveal it upon speaking and i suppose the only time i can't really hide it was during giving presentation. I'm glad i made the right choice to pull the thomas and hendry along, if not i will surely break down..
Indeed, there are times in which people can only learn when they are force into a situation. Thats how birds learn how to fly, being dropped down from the trees. Whether they are being pushed down or whether they jumped down willingly it will be another story.
Isn't thats what education is all about? enrolling ourselves into this situation, in order for us to learn?
How much have you learn today?
Is this why the phase ' break a leg' means all the best or a performance?
If so, i wouldn't mind breaking more legs. Not everyday of cos else it will lead to chronic stress! haha.
It has been more then a year since I've driven a manual car!
I have always wanted to practise driving around in a manual car, cos we know how skills can be lost if we dont use it. But we all know we should always be careful wat we wished for.
IT all begin as just a practise drive around the area. Never expect that the road just doesn't link back to where i came from! the road just goes further and further and before i realised ive reached PS! Talking about how assessible Singapore road can be...
I am predisposationally highly anxious. Experience so far has lead me to hide my anxiousness, only to reveal it upon speaking and i suppose the only time i can't really hide it was during giving presentation. I'm glad i made the right choice to pull the thomas and hendry along, if not i will surely break down..
Indeed, there are times in which people can only learn when they are force into a situation. Thats how birds learn how to fly, being dropped down from the trees. Whether they are being pushed down or whether they jumped down willingly it will be another story.
Isn't thats what education is all about? enrolling ourselves into this situation, in order for us to learn?
How much have you learn today?
Is this why the phase ' break a leg' means all the best or a performance?
If so, i wouldn't mind breaking more legs. Not everyday of cos else it will lead to chronic stress! haha.
Catching the falling leaves ...[5:53 PM]
****** ******
Wednesday, March 04, 2009
Lets jump!
While coming back from supper with teckwu, a bicycle was coming in our direction.
As the indian cyclist is smsing, he lost control and head directly in our direction. Fortunately, teckwu who is in front jumped to the side of the pavement into the grass patch and i, being just behind follow suit.
This is when you know why is it impt to score well for stranding broad jump during the napfa test.
Well, at least we jumped far enough to avoid the collision and no one is hurt. And the cyclist apologised!
===
Talking about jumping, i overheard someone's conversation today regarding the recent stabbing case.
"Do you know people were so puzzled when it is reported that the person die by jumping down from level B2? They were all wondering how can one die from jumping down the basement? The news didnt state that ntu's lowest level is B5..."
For a sudden, i almost broke into laughter but i controlled myself. Thats so bad of me.
While coming back from supper with teckwu, a bicycle was coming in our direction.
As the indian cyclist is smsing, he lost control and head directly in our direction. Fortunately, teckwu who is in front jumped to the side of the pavement into the grass patch and i, being just behind follow suit.
This is when you know why is it impt to score well for stranding broad jump during the napfa test.
Well, at least we jumped far enough to avoid the collision and no one is hurt. And the cyclist apologised!
===
Talking about jumping, i overheard someone's conversation today regarding the recent stabbing case.
"Do you know people were so puzzled when it is reported that the person die by jumping down from level B2? They were all wondering how can one die from jumping down the basement? The news didnt state that ntu's lowest level is B5..."
For a sudden, i almost broke into laughter but i controlled myself. Thats so bad of me.
Catching the falling leaves ...[11:50 PM]
****** ******
Monday, March 02, 2009
Memory lost
Its rather disturbing.
Simply because there are so many things happening.
Memory formed can be really translate into long term.
Precisely cos there are so many things happening.
Memory not enforced can be easily displaced.
Or is it due to intrinsit factor?
How disturbing.
The more i should blog more
The more pictures i shld be taking...
Before i forget.
I think i saw 5 rainbows in my life time.
One was in primary 5 national day preview
Another was with jia cai and chung at changi
Another was at dhoby with jia cai and jockbiao
I saw 2 rainbows this year.
One was when i was in the secret level of lwn
Another was last wed and i rushed back to watched with yan!
It was a full rainbow...
Perhaps there really is a pot of gold on the other side...
Its rather disturbing.
Simply because there are so many things happening.
Memory formed can be really translate into long term.
Precisely cos there are so many things happening.
Memory not enforced can be easily displaced.
Or is it due to intrinsit factor?
How disturbing.
The more i should blog more
The more pictures i shld be taking...
Before i forget.
I think i saw 5 rainbows in my life time.
One was in primary 5 national day preview
Another was with jia cai and chung at changi
Another was at dhoby with jia cai and jockbiao
I saw 2 rainbows this year.
One was when i was in the secret level of lwn
Another was last wed and i rushed back to watched with yan!
It was a full rainbow...
Perhaps there really is a pot of gold on the other side...
Catching the falling leaves ...[3:38 PM]
****** ******
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