Thursday, January 31, 2008

tml is february
There is a slight difference between being lazy and lack of motivation.
Actually, being lazy is just lack of motivation, come to think of it.

For some reasons, during the entire week, 7 hrs of sleep every day doesnt seem enough.
3 meals a day doesnt satisfy me.
And i dont feel like studying much.
Most of all, i wasn't able to focus.
Too much things in my mind.

Perhaps, its after reading "if we dream too long" where the characters were so slack in the things they do.
Or perhaps, CNY is coming and im anticipating leisure.
Or perhaps, 12 feb is round the corner and Im starting to feel fear and excitment for what is in stall for me..
Maybe i've not gone home in weeks.
Or maybe, Its just feb...
maybe....

I'm still in a dilemma on whether to go down to temple tml or not. The only one i've approached to go with me did not reply my sms. Actually, the chances of him replying my sms is low, and the chances of him being free is even lower. There is some part of me that is still hoping.

The CNY period will be a good week for me to sort things out...

Catching the falling leaves ...[9:43 PM]

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Tuesday, January 29, 2008

1st Feb
12 feb will be his death annivesary, (and also the day ANOTHER TOUGH CHALLANGE that ill be going through alone). Was intending to go down on the 13th to visit him.

Just realised that according to the chinese calender, the actual day will be 1st feb.
All his close friends and relative will be going down to visit, according to his sister.

Weighing pros and cons on going on 13th:

Pros: relative will not be there, and so will not be very awkward. Í shld be free on that day, at least the morning.

Cons:
Its CNY period and will not be very auspicious visiting such places

1st
Cons: Ill be missing organic chemistry... hmm..

Fans, anyone suggestions or want to pei me go down? ( though i'll prefer going alone)

Catching the falling leaves ...[10:49 PM]

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Saturday, January 26, 2008

If we dream too long
'If We Dream Too Long' is a novel written by Singapore Writer, Goh Poh Seng. First published on 1972 and is currently out of print.
Our literature teacher reprinted this novel last year, with permission from the author, and she only had 10 copies left.
Through balloting, in a lucky draw way, i got this copy and spent the entire morning and afternoon completing the entire novel.
Afterall, this is our required core reading for hL811, Imagining Singapore.

The story sets in old Singapore in the late 1960s, 1968 to be exact, after Singapore gained independance, when the country was relatively peaceful and in the stage of rapid development.

The main character of the story, Kwang Meng, was 18 years old when started out in this real world, harsh and compelling. He hated his work as a clerk, nonetheless there was nothing he could do to change this. His family was poor hence unable to sent him to university nor to start off into business. Moreover, being the eldest of the 5 children, with a sickly father, he was forced by circumtances into this mundane job as a clerk, earning him 120 a month.

His life was monotonous, for he could not find any meaning in the things he do. The only solance he had, was his nightly visit to Paradize bar with he friends, Hock lai and Portia, where they drink and got to know of the girl Lucy.
Intoxicating himself in alcohol and woman, seemed to be the only thing KwangMeng looked forward to.

His long time friends were much better off.
Hock Lai, being a natural speaker, a great orator and having a outgoing personality brought him far in his job as a insurance agent. And with his far sightedness, he got to know of a rich girl and got engaged within months after their graduated from pre-u. Hence being the husband of the daughter from a rich family.

Portia, on the other hand, had a wealthy family to begin with, hence was able to sent him abroad for studies.

It seemed few months ago when all 3 of them study side by side in the same school and were equal. But they soon go in their own separate ways in life. It soon became the case in which unless there was connection, the rich became richer and the poor became poorer.

Lucy, was a prostitute, not because she wanted to be, but because she had to, succumb to circumstances for she was just a woman. A prostitute she maybe, still has the self dignity. The only thing she have left. She truely loved Kwang Meng so much that she rejected his love for she knew what the future of their would be like.

That was around then he got to know another woman, Anne. She was the direct opposite of Lucy. Conservative, knowledgable, shy. Being with her and her relatives, Kwang Meng viewed life in another perspective. "NO matter howlowly their work is, it is meaningful and essential for the smooth functioning of society" said anne's brother in law, Boon Teik. From their influece, it was as if Kwang Meng freed himself from the world of darkness and intoxication.

Catching the falling leaves ...[6:22 PM]

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Thursday, January 24, 2008

Return of the Ganesha
Ganesha came back from austraila last week.
He visited me last friday in NTU.

I was amazed on how mature his thoughts have become.

There was a time, i remember, i morphed into peer support mood and shared with him all my life lessons that I've known. I can't remember what exactly i said, as i've shared many.
The thing is, he could still remember most of them and was able to quote it back to me.

Now, in the struggle of life, from time to time, I've became the little people whom I looked down upon, who have no longer much control of my life, and from time to time, lost my sense of self and dreams. Not everytime, but just from time to time..

Ganesha returned and said the words i said to him years ago, he said it back to me....
I was at a lost of words.

He has already harnessed so much experience and power within the 1 year. While i am still stranded at this point, trying so hard in this path i must go through.

And this is because,

I want to soar.


REad this difference between the two ganesha, one taken a year ago and another taken last week.
It is not hard to recognise which one is the fake and hypocritical ganesha.
We have captured the deception of beauty.

Catching the falling leaves ...[5:51 PM]

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Wednesday, January 16, 2008

emperor new clothes 2

I wrote this in my old blog 2 years ago on june 11... :

The story was about an emperor who wanted to wear a something special to show his people, that was when 2 trickers came in and to make a new clothes for him using materials so light and can only be seen by clever people.

Of course, the emperor couldn't see any clothes as there was no clothes made at all. While he was showing off his new clothes to his people, a little boy cried out that he was not wearing any clothes at all, that was when everyone started laughing at the emperor.There are a few things that i don't feel right about this story.

1) if the emperor himself couldn't see the clothes, that means that there bound to be others not able to see the clothes as it "can only be seen by clever people". If that is the case, why did he wear the clothes out in the first place? there confirm to be some not so clever people around in his kingdom.

2) if the boy was the only one who pointed out that the emperor was not wearing any clothes. The emperor or any other people can just say that the boy was not clever, so cannot see the beautiful clothes. Why the people need to change their initial action of praising the clothes to laughing at the emperor ne?

3) even if everybody is laughing at the emperor, it can just be that all of them are not so clever lor. If he have faith in the trickers to make his clothes and choose to believe them in the first place. Why was he embarressed and feel that he was tricked in the end? he could have stick to his own belief and continue to show his new clothes around.Hence because of that, i feel that the conclusion of the story should be "u know something was wrong then don't do it, you know its right then do it and stick to it. Its sometimes so silly that some people know that it is wrong yet that still continue with it and vice versa."

Today, the literture teacher told me her version of her story:

The story was about an emperor who wanted to wear a something special to show his people. All the people within the kingdom wanted to use this as an opportunity to earn quick money that they sent 2 trickers to make a new clothes for him using new materials.

Despite the initial skepticism from the emperor, everyone around him insisted that the new clothes looked exceptionally good on him. They were so convincing that the emperor really believed them.

The emperor was living in a lie. Everyone around him was deceiving him. Soon he was unable to listen to his own heart screaming for help. Instead he could only hear the lies masquarade beneath the smiling faces around.

I felt sorry for the emperor.

Catching the falling leaves ...[8:28 PM]

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Sunday, January 13, 2008

luo han guo
In the past, whenever any of us 3 children, show the slightest sign of heatiness, such as lips turning red, having sore throat or upon eating heaty food like kfc, MOther would always prepare herbal drinks.

AT times, it could be the disgusting yucky chrysanthemun drink, or could be the salty ginseng drink, or the sweet barley water, sometimes the bitter luo han guo and of course not forgetting the expensive ling yang. The drinks were never failed to come in threes on the table, so each of us will have a fair share.

If anyone of us forgotten abt it, she would personally serve us, ensuring we drink every single drop of it. And once we thought that that was all, she would bring the cups back to the kitchen and pour out second serving.
Even if all the liquid in the pot runs out, she would quickly add water, reboild the pot to make more. The steps were repeated over and over again until she was certain that every single nutrients from the chrysanthemun or ginseng or barley is drained and into our system.

WEll, I never really appreciate that before.

I dont fall sick easily before,. Even if i do like once every year, it always goes away within 1 day or two. As a result, i always thought that its due to my strong immue system or something.

And that was why, i was initially puzzeled when upon coming to uni, the sickness i got doesnt go away. It stick to me for days. Moreover, thinking it will go away soon, i pushed myself so much without giving myself the adequate rest. That made it even worst.

I bought 3 luo han guo during the span of 3 days of sickness.
It does make me feel better awhile but doesnt make me recover completely.

Come to think of it, what is 1 bottle of luo han guo per day compared to the entire pot of herbal drinks i use to drink in a day?

I must learn how to take care of myself, it will be drink therapy and rest for today....
(haiz.. sounds like an excuse to slack...oh well)

Catching the falling leaves ...[7:27 PM]

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Friday, January 11, 2008

SILENCE!!
Isn't it just so annoying that everyone suddenly come to you ALL AT THE SAME TIME to to ask you questions AND to give you instructions AND to make decisions? IRRITATING!

Actually, this type of situation is part of my daily life. I have been experiencing such and was able to handle and mutitask the many many things quite well.

Nonetheless, things can be so different when you are having a terrible heahache since morning.
If i didnt feel that it is impolite, i would have told them to shut up before they could complete their sentence.

Suddenly! aloysius came to me and to ask me abt my decision for my module, weijie came to me to ask me if i want to meet up on sunday to do tutorial, estelle asked me if ill be going for the school's bash next week, choon yan called to ask me if there are anymore stuff to get for the props, father wanted me to look through his workpermit requirement for his worker and to settle his shell reward points. Jock biao called to ask me out for sat and sunday to do tutorial, he doesn't give up asking upon me rejecting him. My head lost its center.

Successful people make decision fast. However, its a different story for one who is feverish and know that he was unable to make a correct decision at his dilarious state.

AT that point of time, i knew i could only only settle with one task seriously, and i chose choonyan. Afterall, im the assistant head of the hexis sets and props committee. Having to let down the rest of my friends and family members, i gave them superficial answers or to turn them down completely.

Current conflicting state, irritated but guilty.

Catching the falling leaves ...[11:10 PM]

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Sunday, January 06, 2008

wala wala
Wala wala holland village, is the very first place i truely gotten drunk last yr.
As i always said, it is only when one can understand one's true feelings that one can be drunk.
Even since the incident last year, it seems that i can easily become tipsy.

Went out with weicai at wala wala just now.
Everytime i went drinking (actually for 2-3 times only lah), i never failed to mention the death of Alex. It was the same with gan; the same with jian dong. All along, i knew that he had a great impact on me, but never expect to be that much.

Whenever i go drinking, the intoxication would made me smile as though im really happy deep down. Nonetheless, as i do so, the subconscious thought within me will emerge and asked,' are u truely happy?'
And i'll fall into a state of confusion of happy due to intoxication and feeling very 感伤 at the same time.

The thought of purity will emerge from my mind once again...

I've never liked drinking at all. REally!!
Nonetheless, I want to drink during two occasions recently more than ever. Once with jiandong during 31st dec2007 while remising through the year, and tonight with weicai, before the next school term starts.

Once i lost myself, ill find myself again.....

Catching the falling leaves ...[11:45 PM]

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Saturday, January 05, 2008

Exercise Cap Wearing
2nd day of Exercise CAP Wearing:

Choonyan was the first one who knew what happened upon seeing me wearing a cap. She was the few whom i've discussed abt before going to the school's salon.
She immediately guessed that something went terribly wrong.
(her definition of 'terribly wrong' was actually a bad hair cut,, oh well)

Try wearing a cap the entire day, and going to KBOX!
And worst of all, i tried to improve my other songs by not singing my favourites. Wasn't really high after singing compared to before.
Nonetheless, we had jiandong and jiahui's (my hall one hor) as special guest of honour to be with us.

They are so crappy lah. Bu kui shi blk 33 de.

Brother was so insensitive as to remove my cap within 3 mins after seeing me. Coincidentally, we took the same bus. I slapped and punched him when he did so.

Realised that the entire strands of hair were badly burnt, had to use Dove Hair Moisturiser Therapy to treat. Hopefully, when i wake up tml, my hair will not be a lions mare...

Highly likely, ill be wearing cap for the entire week next week when school reopens.... haiz...

Catching the falling leaves ...[12:59 AM]

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Thursday, January 03, 2008

Bad Hairday!
Sheesh! i can't believe my first post for this year is abt this.

Having a bad hairday after going to NANYANG HAIR SALON!!..
She literally burnt my hair.

Made me no mood to go down to canoe polo training just now. I came down to school today cos of the training in the first place you know.

I'll be wearing a cap for the next few days, dont purposely ask me why

Catching the falling leaves ...[11:38 PM]

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