Sunday, November 29, 2009
1 month later...
IT has been more than a month since i last blog.
The longest period of break ever i think.
In fact, it seems that during this semester, the number of times i've post has dropped to a all time low.
Well, i guess it is quite acceptable as i no longer need to post up things to express what i did, think, felt or to analyse the things i've done. Simply because there will always be someone there listening and i'll be more than willing to share.
But then sometimes, there are things that must be express out in writing so it can be consciously be analyse. Saying it out, at times, is just too fast for the brain to analyse, for me that is.
And before i realise it, i fell into the slacking trap when i should be studying for my exams!!
I knew i am easily influence by things around me.
If the atmosphere is highly motivating i will study otherwise will slack off.
And all these while, i dont like the idea of me slacking off. I always like to 'do something' remember?
Anyway, the jb's incident has more or less settle down. All is up to him.
IT seems so odd that during the first 2 weeks of his incident, everyone were rushing to find him. Then after that nothing. Exams, we will say. Nonetheless, Will these friends visit him after the exams? Will he be forgotten soon after?
Exams ending soon. This whole experience of this semester seems so strange. I just can't pinpoint what is it.
IT has been more than a month since i last blog.
The longest period of break ever i think.
In fact, it seems that during this semester, the number of times i've post has dropped to a all time low.
Well, i guess it is quite acceptable as i no longer need to post up things to express what i did, think, felt or to analyse the things i've done. Simply because there will always be someone there listening and i'll be more than willing to share.
But then sometimes, there are things that must be express out in writing so it can be consciously be analyse. Saying it out, at times, is just too fast for the brain to analyse, for me that is.
And before i realise it, i fell into the slacking trap when i should be studying for my exams!!
I knew i am easily influence by things around me.
If the atmosphere is highly motivating i will study otherwise will slack off.
And all these while, i dont like the idea of me slacking off. I always like to 'do something' remember?
Anyway, the jb's incident has more or less settle down. All is up to him.
IT seems so odd that during the first 2 weeks of his incident, everyone were rushing to find him. Then after that nothing. Exams, we will say. Nonetheless, Will these friends visit him after the exams? Will he be forgotten soon after?
Exams ending soon. This whole experience of this semester seems so strange. I just can't pinpoint what is it.
Labels: Really senseless rant
Catching the falling leaves ...[11:29 PM]
****** ******
Saturday, July 04, 2009
No time to think for myself
I'm always trying to keep myself occupied. Making myself feel busy with activities, making myself feel alive. There are just so many things out there to be done, to be learnt and to be experience. Why cooped yourself in a room, or in a virtual world or in another person's imagination?
That is why sometimes i envy those people who can sleep less than that of a normal human beings of 8 hrs. They can sleep like 5 hrs a day without any effect of sleep deprivation. Meaning that they have few more hours to spend in the day compare to other normal humans. Or are they unknowingly straining themselves? And its like everyone can sleep all they want when they die, so why not seize the time to do something else? I tried but find it impossible to sleep less than 7hrs a day, so as such the only thing i can do is to sleep a regular timings.
I just realised something abt father recently. Something that we have in common. When he is doing anything, he will be absolutely focus by placing all his attention on it and will not think much of other thing else. (hmm isn't this how everyone is like?)Anyway, i feel that that is one of the reasons why other people often misunderstand of their intention.
When father was busy mendling his business, it would have seems to be the case that we were neglected. But now that he is trying ways to let go to have other people running it and has much time in his hands, he seems to be doing things that i never thought that he would do personally.
As of now, i am not really tied onto anything and everything seems to be very flexible for me. Yet, sometimes i feel that i still cant manage my attention well enough.
how about in the future where things are much uncontrollable? hmm..
It has been quite sometime since i have time to sit down to think abt such things. Cos most of the time right now, my mind is thinking of some other people... i wonder who.. haha.
Perhaps its another time of the year when the birthday is approaching, i will become emo and start to think more ba..
I'm always trying to keep myself occupied. Making myself feel busy with activities, making myself feel alive. There are just so many things out there to be done, to be learnt and to be experience. Why cooped yourself in a room, or in a virtual world or in another person's imagination?
That is why sometimes i envy those people who can sleep less than that of a normal human beings of 8 hrs. They can sleep like 5 hrs a day without any effect of sleep deprivation. Meaning that they have few more hours to spend in the day compare to other normal humans. Or are they unknowingly straining themselves? And its like everyone can sleep all they want when they die, so why not seize the time to do something else? I tried but find it impossible to sleep less than 7hrs a day, so as such the only thing i can do is to sleep a regular timings.
I just realised something abt father recently. Something that we have in common. When he is doing anything, he will be absolutely focus by placing all his attention on it and will not think much of other thing else. (hmm isn't this how everyone is like?)Anyway, i feel that that is one of the reasons why other people often misunderstand of their intention.
When father was busy mendling his business, it would have seems to be the case that we were neglected. But now that he is trying ways to let go to have other people running it and has much time in his hands, he seems to be doing things that i never thought that he would do personally.
As of now, i am not really tied onto anything and everything seems to be very flexible for me. Yet, sometimes i feel that i still cant manage my attention well enough.
how about in the future where things are much uncontrollable? hmm..
It has been quite sometime since i have time to sit down to think abt such things. Cos most of the time right now, my mind is thinking of some other people... i wonder who.. haha.
Perhaps its another time of the year when the birthday is approaching, i will become emo and start to think more ba..
Labels: Really senseless rant
Catching the falling leaves ...[11:54 AM]
****** ******
Thursday, June 11, 2009
Roller coaster ride!
I always enjoyed roller coaster trill rides! They are fun, exciting and of cos trilling! Who with a right mind doesn't like trill rides? haha! I really like the feeling if screaming and hugging on to someone. Oh, how i missed genting already...
But then, sitting in a motercycle can be another story.
The worst part is you can't scream your lungs out no matter how afraid you are as it might just distract the motorist and cause serious incidents.
The next worst thing is that riding a motorcycle is that you cant really grab hold on anything. Its for the same reasons that i might accidently choke the motorist to death which will in turn lead to serious road accidents eventually.
Why didnt anyone invent a vehicle that can rise up to 10 over stories and zoom down with a split seconds or a vehicle that is shaped like a ship and can swing to the destination or a MRT that can go round and round and round 3 times in a roll before reaching our destination. Any of such vehicle, i'm sure, is much safe than a motocycle...
I always enjoyed roller coaster trill rides! They are fun, exciting and of cos trilling! Who with a right mind doesn't like trill rides? haha! I really like the feeling if screaming and hugging on to someone. Oh, how i missed genting already...
But then, sitting in a motercycle can be another story.
The worst part is you can't scream your lungs out no matter how afraid you are as it might just distract the motorist and cause serious incidents.
The next worst thing is that riding a motorcycle is that you cant really grab hold on anything. Its for the same reasons that i might accidently choke the motorist to death which will in turn lead to serious road accidents eventually.
Why didnt anyone invent a vehicle that can rise up to 10 over stories and zoom down with a split seconds or a vehicle that is shaped like a ship and can swing to the destination or a MRT that can go round and round and round 3 times in a roll before reaching our destination. Any of such vehicle, i'm sure, is much safe than a motocycle...
Labels: Really senseless rant
Catching the falling leaves ...[9:54 PM]
****** ******
Wednesday, February 18, 2009
mind block
I can believe it took me 4 hrs or so to complete typing 2 reports. These two reports can be easily complete in 1 hr, at most 2, and it took me 4 hrs to complete them.
So according to social psych, i am required to think of something to justify such dissonance. Polly i have not been blogging frequently enough and all my recent post are sooo short. Hence, i'm losing my momentum in writing. Sigh.. Already i am so poor in my public speaking liaoz. I really dont want my writing skills to deprove anymore.
Hence, I should start blogging more. Can train to improve my flow of thoughts. This is very essential for my this semester as i got 2x 4 au modules that require me to write essay for the final. I simply cant imagine how it will turn out if i took 4 hrs to complete to 2 hrs paper. So scary.
Already i have experience 2 failures upon coming back. Mass quiz and the presentation. I must say that i certainly didn't put in the required effort that i should and things turn out badly. And it rEally affected my self esteems.
Long time ago, i did badly for my papers and i totally gave up, hoping for the world to stop and to pull me up. But of cos, we all know this is not possible and i couldn't shine as bright as i should. I must jia you more! still can savage and do better one.
Actually, after taking asian and social psych. I gained another deeper understanding of the world and people. So much so i'm starting to analyse people and see them making the mistakes that we are learning in class. Its all seems like simple logic yet we are making such statements/mistakes. And i am just taking a few of such modules. I can't imagine how these major people are analysing at us deep down and observe such phenomenon they learn.
Think will write more abt it next time, then shun bian get prepare for final exams
I can believe it took me 4 hrs or so to complete typing 2 reports. These two reports can be easily complete in 1 hr, at most 2, and it took me 4 hrs to complete them.
So according to social psych, i am required to think of something to justify such dissonance. Polly i have not been blogging frequently enough and all my recent post are sooo short. Hence, i'm losing my momentum in writing. Sigh.. Already i am so poor in my public speaking liaoz. I really dont want my writing skills to deprove anymore.
Hence, I should start blogging more. Can train to improve my flow of thoughts. This is very essential for my this semester as i got 2x 4 au modules that require me to write essay for the final. I simply cant imagine how it will turn out if i took 4 hrs to complete to 2 hrs paper. So scary.
Already i have experience 2 failures upon coming back. Mass quiz and the presentation. I must say that i certainly didn't put in the required effort that i should and things turn out badly. And it rEally affected my self esteems.
Long time ago, i did badly for my papers and i totally gave up, hoping for the world to stop and to pull me up. But of cos, we all know this is not possible and i couldn't shine as bright as i should. I must jia you more! still can savage and do better one.
Actually, after taking asian and social psych. I gained another deeper understanding of the world and people. So much so i'm starting to analyse people and see them making the mistakes that we are learning in class. Its all seems like simple logic yet we are making such statements/mistakes. And i am just taking a few of such modules. I can't imagine how these major people are analysing at us deep down and observe such phenomenon they learn.
Think will write more abt it next time, then shun bian get prepare for final exams
Labels: Really senseless rant
Catching the falling leaves ...[6:47 PM]
****** ******
Wednesday, September 24, 2008
Off I Flew!
What are the odds of having a headon collision with another bike which left you flying off and ended up at an awkward position of having ur bag on ur head?
Well, statistics shows that if we have a large sample size there will be more likely a chance to witness such phenomena.
I dont normally go around colliding with people back in singapore you know.
Had a random thought suddenly. What if anything happens to me over here, how long before will my family knows?
First of all my handphone and laptopn will be password locked, so it is quite impossible for anyone to search details there.
So most likely is they will id me as a student of uw, and slowly realise that i am an exchange student. And they will contact my home university of the incident polly via Email as they might not know the school's number. Due to the time difference, most prob it will be few days before the email is received. Upon contacting the school, the school will call my home. That is when another problem arises. No one at home likes to pick up the phone, and even if they pick up the phone the chances is that no one WILL BE home to pick up the phone. Maybe it will be another day or two before someone in the family will be informed. And another 2 days before someone fly over to see what is going on.
That will add up to a week or so i guess.
If i'm having injury, it will polly recovered by the time someone come down to visit me.
Or what if they do not know that you must put a +65 infront of the number for international call and they kept on trying to call with no valid? Fortunately, the medical care here is free (due to the heavy tax and people have health insurances)
But on second thought, due to technology. My housemate will know of my facebook/friendster account and would try to mass send a msg to my friends to annouce such unfortunate incident. Out of which might be able to locate people who are of higher chance to spread the information.
And it will be on the news that facebook save the day! hurray!
What are the odds of having a headon collision with another bike which left you flying off and ended up at an awkward position of having ur bag on ur head?
Well, statistics shows that if we have a large sample size there will be more likely a chance to witness such phenomena.
I dont normally go around colliding with people back in singapore you know.
Had a random thought suddenly. What if anything happens to me over here, how long before will my family knows?
First of all my handphone and laptopn will be password locked, so it is quite impossible for anyone to search details there.
So most likely is they will id me as a student of uw, and slowly realise that i am an exchange student. And they will contact my home university of the incident polly via Email as they might not know the school's number. Due to the time difference, most prob it will be few days before the email is received. Upon contacting the school, the school will call my home. That is when another problem arises. No one at home likes to pick up the phone, and even if they pick up the phone the chances is that no one WILL BE home to pick up the phone. Maybe it will be another day or two before someone in the family will be informed. And another 2 days before someone fly over to see what is going on.
That will add up to a week or so i guess.
If i'm having injury, it will polly recovered by the time someone come down to visit me.
Or what if they do not know that you must put a +65 infront of the number for international call and they kept on trying to call with no valid? Fortunately, the medical care here is free (due to the heavy tax and people have health insurances)
But on second thought, due to technology. My housemate will know of my facebook/friendster account and would try to mass send a msg to my friends to annouce such unfortunate incident. Out of which might be able to locate people who are of higher chance to spread the information.
And it will be on the news that facebook save the day! hurray!
Labels: Really senseless rant
Catching the falling leaves ...[1:24 AM]
****** ******
Monday, August 25, 2008
Something strange in the house
I swear that the last time I packed my room was just less than 3 weeks! On top of that, i dont really work around my table much anymore as firstly, I dont have school hence dont need much work place to do my stuff secondly, i dont spend much time at home afterall.
YET, my table mysteriously became so untidy and messy. Anyone can see how the scene can make my thoughts so jumble up by noticing that 'untidy' has the same meaning as 'messy'.
I just couldnt help it but to think in dept for the source of such untidiest and it leads to only ONE possible SOURCE!
it MUST be some supernatural forces that are loitering in the house that are messing up my stuff!!
Yup ,that will explain everything. How come my pens that were supposedly be in the container be lying around on the table. How come my books and notes that are supposedly be stacked up nicely be all around the table and how come bottles found their way up from the kitchen into my room.
See! Everything has an explanation!
Well if it is JOEL reading this post i think he will say that my explanation is bullshit and will rectify by saying,"According to the laws of nature. This must be due to entropy which states that everything in the universe has the tendancy to move to a state of randomess."
This is what we will have from someone who doesn't know "年的故事“and wore BLACK for chinese new year. OF cos these two incidence doesn't really link but i'm just squeezing some issues to shoot him. (that is provided he hasnt been immued already).
Since my holy power isnt enough to shoo the supernatural forces away, i guess i have no choice but to start packing on my own and pray that they will not be back during my absence to make a mess once again. Who knows? maybe they will follow me to canada and start making a mess at my place over there.
haiz...Where are the ghost busters when you need one... Wait! who says anything about ghost? perhaps those supernatural forces are DIVINE Forces?
That will make perfect sense how come my holy power couldnt ward them off.
MUST BE IT!
It is less then 2 weeks before I'll be flying, so i think its apt for me to make sure everything is neat and tidy before my departure.
And for my fans who know me so well, this post is actually my way to procastinate the act of packing up the place once again.....
I swear that the last time I packed my room was just less than 3 weeks! On top of that, i dont really work around my table much anymore as firstly, I dont have school hence dont need much work place to do my stuff secondly, i dont spend much time at home afterall.
YET, my table mysteriously became so untidy and messy. Anyone can see how the scene can make my thoughts so jumble up by noticing that 'untidy' has the same meaning as 'messy'.
I just couldnt help it but to think in dept for the source of such untidiest and it leads to only ONE possible SOURCE!
it MUST be some supernatural forces that are loitering in the house that are messing up my stuff!!
Yup ,that will explain everything. How come my pens that were supposedly be in the container be lying around on the table. How come my books and notes that are supposedly be stacked up nicely be all around the table and how come bottles found their way up from the kitchen into my room.
See! Everything has an explanation!
Well if it is JOEL reading this post i think he will say that my explanation is bullshit and will rectify by saying,"According to the laws of nature. This must be due to entropy which states that everything in the universe has the tendancy to move to a state of randomess."
This is what we will have from someone who doesn't know "年的故事“and wore BLACK for chinese new year. OF cos these two incidence doesn't really link but i'm just squeezing some issues to shoot him. (that is provided he hasnt been immued already).
Since my holy power isnt enough to shoo the supernatural forces away, i guess i have no choice but to start packing on my own and pray that they will not be back during my absence to make a mess once again. Who knows? maybe they will follow me to canada and start making a mess at my place over there.
haiz...Where are the ghost busters when you need one... Wait! who says anything about ghost? perhaps those supernatural forces are DIVINE Forces?
That will make perfect sense how come my holy power couldnt ward them off.
MUST BE IT!
It is less then 2 weeks before I'll be flying, so i think its apt for me to make sure everything is neat and tidy before my departure.
And for my fans who know me so well, this post is actually my way to procastinate the act of packing up the place once again.....
Labels: Really senseless rant
Catching the falling leaves ...[11:12 PM]
****** ******
Sunday, December 16, 2007
Arrogant
(badly written post, just ignore)
The arrogant, proud and egotistic part of me tend to be strong and formidable.
And because of that, it is unavoidable that he looks down on others.
This is precisely the reason he never had a job before. He is proud to tell everyone he never work.
He looks down at those little people who are working so hard to earn the tiny sum of money everyday and they are happy with it.
Moreover, those common jobs are not worthy for him, and so he thinks.
He is just too proud for that.
He despises many people as well.
He is just too quick to assess others flaws that he never fails to overlook their goodness.
And as of now, he have yet to find anyone who is worthy for him, or so he thinks...
(badly written post, just ignore)
The arrogant, proud and egotistic part of me tend to be strong and formidable.
And because of that, it is unavoidable that he looks down on others.
This is precisely the reason he never had a job before. He is proud to tell everyone he never work.
He looks down at those little people who are working so hard to earn the tiny sum of money everyday and they are happy with it.
Moreover, those common jobs are not worthy for him, and so he thinks.
He is just too proud for that.
He despises many people as well.
He is just too quick to assess others flaws that he never fails to overlook their goodness.
And as of now, he have yet to find anyone who is worthy for him, or so he thinks...
Labels: Really senseless rant
Catching the falling leaves ...[12:28 AM]
****** ******
Monday, November 26, 2007
Law of diminishing returns
Everyone in my course agreed to what i said.
"if I put in the same amount of effort that we are using to study during this semester for A level, O level and PSlE combined. I wonder how many hundreds As i can easily obtain already."
The effort has been put in, but there bound to be something that happened during the paper itself and everything become so horrible. Either something that was never seen before popped out or there was no time to complete the paper or I just mess up everything.
Seriously, I dont have the sense of satisfactory after my core papers.
So far, the only paper i'm statisfied with is econs. A pity that it will not be counted to my results.
The effort is not proportional to the results!
wenchuan said that it is the law of diminishing returns.
Meaning, for every additional amount of labour u put in the productivity will increase but not as much as before. To a point that there will be no increase of productivity even if u add more labour.
Y=A f(L,K,H,..)
So we should now invest on other stuff.
I've invested in a new calculator...
What else can i do?
Shengxiang said he work smart and not work hard.
Though i didnt say straight into his face, but i feel that its just an excuse for not doing well.
I believe almost everyone in uni are all working smart and hard.
In fact, NONE of my friends in my course take part in any CCA
"What do u normally do everyday," I once asked everyone.
"STudy!"
I'm sticking to my canoe polo for sure. It has a part to play in achieving my dreams.
As the days of exams gone by, I'm starting to forget my main goal and reason why i am taking this course. On top of that, why am I pushing myself so hard for.
It now becoming studying for the sake of studying and not to fail... this is just so wrong.
I'll push myself alittle more during next semester, but in a different approach. Lets hope ill have the satisfaction i'm looking for...hmm.. how come education dont have satisfaction guaranttee?
Everyone in my course agreed to what i said.
"if I put in the same amount of effort that we are using to study during this semester for A level, O level and PSlE combined. I wonder how many hundreds As i can easily obtain already."
The effort has been put in, but there bound to be something that happened during the paper itself and everything become so horrible. Either something that was never seen before popped out or there was no time to complete the paper or I just mess up everything.
Seriously, I dont have the sense of satisfactory after my core papers.
So far, the only paper i'm statisfied with is econs. A pity that it will not be counted to my results.
The effort is not proportional to the results!
wenchuan said that it is the law of diminishing returns.
Meaning, for every additional amount of labour u put in the productivity will increase but not as much as before. To a point that there will be no increase of productivity even if u add more labour.
Y=A f(L,K,H,..)
So we should now invest on other stuff.
I've invested in a new calculator...
What else can i do?
Shengxiang said he work smart and not work hard.
Though i didnt say straight into his face, but i feel that its just an excuse for not doing well.
I believe almost everyone in uni are all working smart and hard.
In fact, NONE of my friends in my course take part in any CCA
"What do u normally do everyday," I once asked everyone.
"STudy!"
I'm sticking to my canoe polo for sure. It has a part to play in achieving my dreams.
As the days of exams gone by, I'm starting to forget my main goal and reason why i am taking this course. On top of that, why am I pushing myself so hard for.
It now becoming studying for the sake of studying and not to fail... this is just so wrong.
I'll push myself alittle more during next semester, but in a different approach. Lets hope ill have the satisfaction i'm looking for...hmm.. how come education dont have satisfaction guaranttee?
Labels: Really senseless rant, school
Catching the falling leaves ...[8:42 PM]
****** ******
Saturday, October 13, 2007
family affairs
At times, i envy jy.
Simply she has the right to hate someone.
What is worst than that will probably having to face someone that you have reasons to love and hate, but no right to do so.
Innate self defence mechanism of smiling, pretended that i've forgotten and acting blur came to me so naturally. I knew i shouldnt do that, and i despise myself for that.
To think i just told jian dong last friday that i no longer have the patience to give others a listening ear, and have lost the capability to console others. I did both things the very next day, I'm obligated to do so.
Im losing faith in marriage just like her...
Period.
At times, i envy jy.
Simply she has the right to hate someone.
What is worst than that will probably having to face someone that you have reasons to love and hate, but no right to do so.
Innate self defence mechanism of smiling, pretended that i've forgotten and acting blur came to me so naturally. I knew i shouldnt do that, and i despise myself for that.
To think i just told jian dong last friday that i no longer have the patience to give others a listening ear, and have lost the capability to console others. I did both things the very next day, I'm obligated to do so.
Im losing faith in marriage just like her...
Period.
Labels: Really senseless rant
Catching the falling leaves ...[8:04 PM]
****** ******
Friday, July 27, 2007
Agenda
(lets hope no one read the non edited version)
Edited 27th 8pm
I knew something was not right when Father sat on the driver's seat when we are heading to outram park for my stuff.
He had something in mind, he has an agenda. Knowing too well that if i was driving, i will most probably be too distracted and start speeding at 150km/hr once again...
I never know that Father can be so indirect.
First he started asking me about my school, how i shld be having hopes in everything i do (which of cos i always have).
Then he said,"I seem to have no hope in anything. Everyday is another hopeless day.."
He started to give instructions of this property must rent out and that property
not to sell ended of on how he shld just write a will instead of telling
me to handle these stuff....
He continued with the usual topic of me finding a girlfriend and how this girl across the street is not bad... He seems desperate.
It appears that he has been bringing up of this topic more frequently then ever.
It boils down that im the male heir of the 7th generation in my family line ....
I once shared this to an aquaintance, limin, months ago. She immediately identify the hidden meaning behind.
'You must jia you leh, faster get a son for your father to carry!' she said.
Great job history student!
Whereas it took me quite sometime to realise this actually.
( actually i tot abt it also leh, even spend the entire maths lectures of 2 hrs thinking what name to give him and/or her. That was why i'm always asking around and fasinated with interesting names. haha)
Lastly he ended of by saying that the old neighbour who owns the coffeeshop next block. He just died suddenly while counting money.
This is just so depressing. I know if i was driving, i will unconsciously speed to 'run away' from such thoughts.
This yr is the yr of the 070707. It had been foretold that I will experience many things during this yr. During the very first day of this yr, i told myself that i had to be strong to face all the challanges in store for me and i'm glad that the first two people i saw during the start of this yr was jockbiao and yongcheng. I think i would have collapse months ago without them around.. And sure enough everything happened.
I've met with the toughest battle in my life, I've listened to the true words of Queen Rurosa, I've retraced back the steps of Luinhision dated back 100 yrs exactly....
For some reasons, i think he knew it too. That was why he kept on pastering me to go china and to the secret 100y r trail at the most rural village and with the agenda.
Seriously,
I would rather all these miseries to fall upon me, let me be the one who suffer. For i have already been dealing with all of it all my entire life, whats the difference with a few more to go?
-----------------------------------------------------------
Mother has her own agenda too!
When she came home seeking refuge of her stuff.
I have my reasons of staying out of home.
Cos by staying elsewhere, mother will not have to worry about my share of laundry. She will not have to think about my share of food, in fact she might not cook at all since im not there anyway. She doesn't have the obligation to clean my room. With that, she will have the time to enjoy herself with her friends instead of busy thinking about me.
She has always been giving herself so many obligations and responsibilities that it hurts me.
I can't bear to see whatever is happening before me, i had to hide.
Seriously, i feel that alot of my actions that i'm doing have its basis on my mother. And that includes the unwillingness to accept changes.
Nonetheless it seems today, more than ever, that I can save her much more by staying at home to be with her.
Initally it started off sour. Then we started crapping, discussing how she shld go get another man who is rich and nice to look after her.
Then maybe we shld just go commit some crime and push all the blame to her so that she will end up in prison where food and accomodation are given and she need not to wash any clothes! All she will be doing is wat she has been doing all along, watering plants.
Then we think that we are too kind hearted for our own good. So we shook our last finger to go put some tattoos, pierce our nose and tongue wear earrings. Maybe join a gang or two, and take drugs...
She forced out a smile.
Seriously, i am not born being super optimistic or positive. Its nurtured, I had to behave like this.
Lets smile no matter what happens... Things are not as bad as it seems!
(lets hope no one read the non edited version)
Edited 27th 8pm
I knew something was not right when Father sat on the driver's seat when we are heading to outram park for my stuff.
He had something in mind, he has an agenda. Knowing too well that if i was driving, i will most probably be too distracted and start speeding at 150km/hr once again...
I never know that Father can be so indirect.
First he started asking me about my school, how i shld be having hopes in everything i do (which of cos i always have).
Then he said,"I seem to have no hope in anything. Everyday is another hopeless day.."
He started to give instructions of this property must rent out and that property
not to sell ended of on how he shld just write a will instead of telling
me to handle these stuff....
He continued with the usual topic of me finding a girlfriend and how this girl across the street is not bad... He seems desperate.
It appears that he has been bringing up of this topic more frequently then ever.
It boils down that im the male heir of the 7th generation in my family line ....
I once shared this to an aquaintance, limin, months ago. She immediately identify the hidden meaning behind.
'You must jia you leh, faster get a son for your father to carry!' she said.
Great job history student!
Whereas it took me quite sometime to realise this actually.
( actually i tot abt it also leh, even spend the entire maths lectures of 2 hrs thinking what name to give him and/or her. That was why i'm always asking around and fasinated with interesting names. haha)
Lastly he ended of by saying that the old neighbour who owns the coffeeshop next block. He just died suddenly while counting money.
This is just so depressing. I know if i was driving, i will unconsciously speed to 'run away' from such thoughts.
This yr is the yr of the 070707. It had been foretold that I will experience many things during this yr. During the very first day of this yr, i told myself that i had to be strong to face all the challanges in store for me and i'm glad that the first two people i saw during the start of this yr was jockbiao and yongcheng. I think i would have collapse months ago without them around.. And sure enough everything happened.
I've met with the toughest battle in my life, I've listened to the true words of Queen Rurosa, I've retraced back the steps of Luinhision dated back 100 yrs exactly....
For some reasons, i think he knew it too. That was why he kept on pastering me to go china and to the secret 100y r trail at the most rural village and with the agenda.
Seriously,
I would rather all these miseries to fall upon me, let me be the one who suffer. For i have already been dealing with all of it all my entire life, whats the difference with a few more to go?
-----------------------------------------------------------
Mother has her own agenda too!
When she came home seeking refuge of her stuff.
I have my reasons of staying out of home.
Cos by staying elsewhere, mother will not have to worry about my share of laundry. She will not have to think about my share of food, in fact she might not cook at all since im not there anyway. She doesn't have the obligation to clean my room. With that, she will have the time to enjoy herself with her friends instead of busy thinking about me.
She has always been giving herself so many obligations and responsibilities that it hurts me.
I can't bear to see whatever is happening before me, i had to hide.
Seriously, i feel that alot of my actions that i'm doing have its basis on my mother. And that includes the unwillingness to accept changes.
Nonetheless it seems today, more than ever, that I can save her much more by staying at home to be with her.
Initally it started off sour. Then we started crapping, discussing how she shld go get another man who is rich and nice to look after her.
Then maybe we shld just go commit some crime and push all the blame to her so that she will end up in prison where food and accomodation are given and she need not to wash any clothes! All she will be doing is wat she has been doing all along, watering plants.
Then we think that we are too kind hearted for our own good. So we shook our last finger to go put some tattoos, pierce our nose and tongue wear earrings. Maybe join a gang or two, and take drugs...
She forced out a smile.
Seriously, i am not born being super optimistic or positive. Its nurtured, I had to behave like this.
Lets smile no matter what happens... Things are not as bad as it seems!
Labels: Really senseless rant
Catching the falling leaves ...[12:42 AM]
****** ******
Wednesday, May 30, 2007
No scrub
Everything was perfect until 5pm when our group met up after class for project.
I was overwhelmed by the unpleasant feeling. If its ganesha, he will refer it as a 'demon'.
This feeling as so strong that i practically ran back to my room to seek refuge after the meeting.
Been stoning here since then.
I don't like this feeling, it makes me disgusted.
Tml will be a full moon. Classical Conditioning made me craves for Ice lemon tea...
Anyway, is it me or does the moon seems brighter tonight?
i feel to much.
It was just few months ago i announced to everyone that I WILL NEVER Drink beer and EAt Chilli no matter how much u force me.
'I will rather die than to consume..." was the exact sentence i used...
ITs funny how one's perference for food and taste change as they get older. Next i think you will see me drinking coffee everyday!
I got to know a girl with absolutely no substances today. Those who know me will understand how i detest such people. Call me a scrub, "A scrub is a guy that cant get no love from me"
Enough of sorting out my nonsensical thoughts. Time for something constructive!
Everything was perfect until 5pm when our group met up after class for project.
I was overwhelmed by the unpleasant feeling. If its ganesha, he will refer it as a 'demon'.
This feeling as so strong that i practically ran back to my room to seek refuge after the meeting.
Been stoning here since then.
I don't like this feeling, it makes me disgusted.
Tml will be a full moon. Classical Conditioning made me craves for Ice lemon tea...
Anyway, is it me or does the moon seems brighter tonight?
i feel to much.
It was just few months ago i announced to everyone that I WILL NEVER Drink beer and EAt Chilli no matter how much u force me.
'I will rather die than to consume..." was the exact sentence i used...
ITs funny how one's perference for food and taste change as they get older. Next i think you will see me drinking coffee everyday!
I got to know a girl with absolutely no substances today. Those who know me will understand how i detest such people. Call me a scrub, "A scrub is a guy that cant get no love from me"
Enough of sorting out my nonsensical thoughts. Time for something constructive!
Labels: Really senseless rant
Catching the falling leaves ...[9:37 PM]
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