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Sunday, December 17, 2006
fatherhood
"you hated someone so much, that it changes your entire life. YET you owe him your entire life"

Today was the first time after SO many months that i've eaten together with him. He sat across the table. We were sitting face to face.
This was one of the very rare occasion when i really studied how he look.

Its hard to imagine how people can age so much before you can really realise it. I don't really dare to count how old is he now.

I don't have much memories about him being in my childhood life, neither of him being anywhere else in any part of my life.
The faintest good and pleasant early (and not so early) memories i have abt him is once again KITES, and bicycle.

AT times, i wondered who is he to me?

Weicai got his father a canon camera which cost $700 plus yesterday. Yet for me, i couldnt let myself to assist him when he needed me the most. I resisted getting to know anything about the stuff he is doing.
ACT Blur. Yes, its the inbuild self protecting mechanicism instill within me after all these years. And that reminds me of another skill of self protection i've got to know, a fake smile..Not to be a hypocrite, but to force yourself look happy so that others around you will not be sad and miserable as you are.

Who am i to him?

"blame on the fact that his mother died when he was little"
Is this becoming a fact? That all parents whom mother died young will become selfish and mean?

The longest time being together with him alone was like 3 hrs while we were waiting for plane transition at hongkong. The 3 hrs were quite silent i would say.

I envy yonglin who can be so friend friend with his father.


Catching the falling leaves ...[10:25 PM]
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