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Wednesday, January 10, 2007
Spiritual War
Dear Sonic,
I've entered the world of darkness, a place that I told myself never to be at as much as possible. It is the only place that can really suck away all my smiles and happiness.

But i know this is the only way and only chance i have to face this last hurdle that i've never got the courage to do so all my life. In fact, if i can go this, i can do ANYTHING. Seriously. That is why, I have to go through this by myself.

How are you doing over there? Been quite sometime since anyone has written to you i supposed. Hows everything? Lets hope everything goes well from your side. You are always much fortunate than anyone else i've ever known.

I've acquainted with someone yesterday, his name is Ben. All he wanted was to be friendly by shaking my hand and to ask for my name. Nonetheless, i acted like a jerk.
"Oh there isn't a need to know my name, no point lah...haha!" i replied with a very disgusting fake smile. He has already rised his hand up to shake, yet i turned him down bluntly. I've acted so rude and nasty. All he wanted was to be friendly...
Although, I've mentioned to you before, 'I only hang around with people i feel comfortable with, and will not even talk to those otherwise...' , this point has changed sometime ago....
Nonetheless, just because he is associated with This place, I was willing to give up all my values i've accumulated all these time.

I know i am in the wrong, but are my actions justified? What do you think?
I need more time,I guess.

Be going for overseas course next week. I can't feel the excitement (eventhough i tried my best to psycho myself by telling everyone 'So exciting!') due to my current situation.

For this time, i've changed my strategy. Instead of using 110% of what i've got (which i've always do), i'm puting in 80%, conserving my strength... Knowing I have the time to spare and I've failed numerous times. i'm not going to fight it head on this time. I'm keeping my feelings neutral, i dont want any happiness conjured out in my mind to be absorbed away..For sure, I'll get it right this time. I'm determined to do so.

Hope you understand why i dont' have the time to meet up with you.

Its a Spiritual War between me and IT. It has always been so in the past, in the present and maybe in the future as well.

Please give me your blessings, that is all i always needed from my fans.
Do take care of yourself!

Cheers,
tada!
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Ms Maria Tan was my german maths teacher back in mshs. Back in sec 1, she made her english class to do joural by telling them to have an imaginary friend something like the above. Sonic was yongcheng's imaginary friend.


Catching the falling leaves ...[10:53 PM]
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