I told myself that i'll not talk to anyone during the funeral. I knew whats the consequences if i do so. Everything was in control until the entire ceremony was over when my ex boss, ssg kenneth, appeared out of no where and asked,'how?'

Of cos people ask question must reply mah, so i replied,"how What?'
"how lor,' he said, as if expecting me to give a longer reply.
"people so sad liaoz still ask how..."i told him, moving closer to him,looking into his eyes,'we all just celebrated his birthday last week and..."

It was then what i knew would happen happened.
I broke down.
Feeling a need to hide my ugly expression from being seen, i plunged my head towards him. For the first time, i realised that people of such big size can be so comfortable to lean onto.

I dont know how long i was devasated or what i told him along the way. All i could remember was that i clenched him on his back rather hard. Everything was so blurry until i found myself back to reality and suddenly pushed him aside..
"haha! ok already,' i took a step back, taking a deep breath,'dont need you liaoz!"

Once again the weather changed in response to my emotion, the wind kept on blowing and it rained.

Team 16 aka Team A.K.A, is now missing an A....

Finally, after so many years. I've once again experienced the feeling of having tears running all over and nose being blocked. Once again i've experienced sleepless nights that ended off by me crying myself to sleep. Waking up only to realise that i've only slept for just a couple of hours. Eventhough i'm hungry, i just dont feel like eating anything. Peanuts and melon seeds were my daily meals since day 1. Most prob this is some pyschological disorder of me trying to torture myself for what had happened.

If such incident happens at any other time of my life, i might just be able to handle it easily. But now its my most critical period, i'm already spiritually broken down and to have another blow to add along, it was really too much for me.

"all hurts can be heal by time"ssg kenneth smsed after i left. (i think its the very first time he smsed me)

I dont have the luxuary of time. (on the contrary to what i've told most people i met during this period). Really. This is the truth i only tell my closest friends, including him.
During these 4 days, i've lost focus. Ended up causing inconvenience to everybody. Strictly speaking, i've became a burdern and the complications could be severe.
IF i need so much time to heal everytime such things happen, its not right for me, i can't allow this to happen, its just not my style.

As how our team system goes, if the tm commander is unable perform, the 2ic (alex) will have to upgrade his role to handle it; and if the 2ic was unable to do it, the 3rd In Charge, Alfred, will have to handle everything. He told me he had dreams to persuit. And i know that whatever he cannot accomplish, he will hope that i can.

Don't worry, you can depend on me, as always. You can entrust me to fulfill your wish of sailing the boundless world and to help you take your spirit to soar.
He will never truely die, as he has never truely lived.
For now, i've got over it, i hope. Instead of holding me back, he has become part of my strength.

Alex is a nice name.