Sunday, April 01, 2007

Ice Lemon Tea
Dear Alex,

The first of April this year means alot more to me than ever before.
It is not only your 49th day, but also signifies 1 year since you officially joined me- you have known me for 1 yr.
It is amazing how people can appeared in one's life at the right time and since then, everything changes. You and gu appeared at just the right time, you have no idea what this meant to me at that time. (refer to old blog dated 17 march 2006, Disgusted, to get a hint of what i was feeling few days before we met)
As i've mentioned before, to all of you, i'm just a passing wind. But to me, you all are ghosts who will always be there in my mind. For you, it is now literally.

I remember that there was a time when i was there to teach you everything i know. I was there to cover your back when you sneak back to camp late or when you are not properly attired or when you just irresponsibily left. You just have to stubbornly stick to your style till the end, don't you?

As of today, i'm going to stop moarning for you. At times i feel as though your incident is holding me back, greatly. From time to time, i can spent hours just doing absolutely nothing, in a daze. Even though i knew deep down that there is no point for me doing so and life still moves on, i just want to torture myself alittle more. IT isn't often you lose someone like that you know. Perhaps, I'm that type of person who never admit losing, perhaps i felt responsible for what happened or perhaps i just want your incident to be deeply rooted within me. I don't want to forget this feeling of saddness. Call me a sadist but i feel so comfortable and serene to be overwhelmed by this feeling which i forsakened many years ago. As if, i've finally become a whole and feel complete.

Seriously, the timing of everything fits so perfectly to the extent i got this feeling that your incident is preplaned by higher orders just to affect me this much so as to assist me to fulfill my destiny. And if that is the case, i'm already preparing myself for the challenges that lies before me.

For the past 5 months, I've studied the stars and maps. I've spoken to great philosophers and scientists. And most importantly, read into lives of not only mine but also those around me. You have absolutely no idea how much i've grown and will be growing. Doubt that you can even recognise me after this, i wasn't kidding when i said that to you last year. Please, be my strength, and in return i'll bring your wish to take flight along with me.

IT will be a fullmoon today.
I used to hate the fullmoon as its always up there when something bad happened to me.
But tonight, its different, i'm going to love it more than ever. Maybe will be enjoying this beautiful night scene over a bottle of Ice lemon tea. yum yum!


Of ghost and wind,
Alfred

Catching the falling leaves ...[12:55 AM]

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