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Saturday, September 01, 2007
Bryan x fabian x machine
I must admit.
I've never really liked bryan before.
Among all the people i known from my unit (apart from fabian whom i known during sec school), he was the very first people i've met during school of combat engineers.
I never liked him before...
yah yah... condriticing to my big talks of me 'solving things by making friends not enemies' but this is another story.

He simply reminded me of the power hungry unscrupulous part of me who will go any extend to get my things done. Yes, at times i hated (and sometimes proud of) myself for being that, either way, he did a much better job than me and hence 1) i hated him more or/and 2) i'm jealous that he can do a better job.

Everytime in army when i speak to him, its reverted back to my old scheming mood when i really have to watch every words i say and had to perform personality imp...something something (forgot the term liaoz... its something abt putting on the mask or something). All in all, im already a very fake person and i had to be more fake then i already have in front of him.

(actually he is not the only one in the army lah, the rest i tend to avoid them actually....)

After all these months, i met him again in fabian's surprise party. And we actually taked. I guess the things we talked tonight was much more than we had during the time we spend together in 2 yrs.. Cos for the first time, i dont feel the duplicitous within him.
I am no longer a treat to him, and this is so for him to me...
In fact, i'm starting to like him already.
haha..

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AT this point, yihui called me and we chit chated 1 hr on the phone! Remember him? the acquaintance whom i always talk about from time to time. Once again whenever i think of him, the more jealous i am.
----------------

Fabien's birthday surprise party inspired me with awe. Its very heartwarming to see what extent a family member can do for the other. Yonglin and bryan started comparing their fathers, while i just kept quite for obvious reasons. This is an experience i just have to learn from.

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From next week onwards, i'll become a machine... ...
Jia you jia you


Catching the falling leaves ...[11:37 PM]
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