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Monday, December 15, 2008
Attention
Its commonly known in psychology that middle child are often more attention seeking compared to other of the siblings. This is known as the middle child syndrome.

Being the eldest, the parent tend to be more cautious abit its needs and wants. Everything will be new for the eldest.

The middle child will not receive that same novelity treatment compared with the first. And before the second child is settling in to this world, the youngest child appeared and will normally received the most amount of care simply cos it is the youngest.

Despite being very self conscious, I myself use to behave in such a way to grab attention.

IT always seems so hard to get the desired attention wanted. So much so that I feel getting the attention of others require alot of effort. So much so that I started feeling strange when there are, by any chance, suddenly so much attention being drawn to me easily. Seriously, i never really visualise myself in such situation hence dont know how to react.

Or even when there is a party just for me which happen like once every leapyears, i will feel rather out of place, thinking,"is it really for me?'

Perhaps that is why even for a birthday celebration with my friends. I will normally use someone's name to get people down and most of the time for mshs friends it will be eugchua as his birthday is a week from mine. IF not it will be just a simple dinner without announcing its in fact a birthday. All these attention of people greeting just me really make me feel awkward. It just feels as if it is something bad or I'm undeserving of such reception.

Probably that is why my 21st birthday was so different from others.

I guess its really bring down to the self consciousness, to think what others think of me especially under all these attention.

A party for me is something I never really dream that I will have a chance to have it. Do i really deserve such effort put in by others?

Alot of times, it feels as though its always me who is circling around others just like the moon orbiting round the sun. I almost forgot how it feels to have someone there circling around myself, watching over me.

Hence, I was filled with joy.... ....








Catching the falling leaves ...[1:38 AM]
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