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Monday, October 26, 2009

I knew it all along.
The telltale signs are just screaming right before me.
Yet, i chose not to believe.
I chose to believe that it is nothing serious.
I chose to be optimistic and pretend nothing happened.

Last thursday and friday, I had already sense something was wrong.
I didn't want to know more.
I tried to plan an outing.
Hoping that everything will be just the way it is and everyone will turn up on sunday.

I was the very first few he informed on sat when he was hospitalised.
I choose not to accept the fact.
Dont have the courage to.
Scolded yongcheng for visiting that day.
Why visit when there is nothing seriously wrong? He will be out before you know it anyway.
Scolded Joel for telling other friends of his condition.
What for telling the whole world and making a big fuss out of things when it is nothing serious?
I didn't want to visit, nor to know more about it.
It feels like so long as i dont do so, all these can never be verified and I cannot say that it is true.

Once again, i did what i do best.
Living in denial.
And problems like this will just go away like that.

But things around us just can't let us live in a lie.
School friends visiting him, helping him to settle school's admin stuff and helping to keep others informed.

Of all people, i should be the one doing all these, not them.
I'm obligated to.
Yet, i couldn't do it.
I chose not to.
I dont have the courage to face him.


Catching the falling leaves ...[4:55 PM]
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