Thursday, April 12, 2007

Dark Earth
The sky was high and the heat from the blazing sun scorched the lands. The piercing rays were occasionally blocked by the white puffy clouds that were just passing by. Trees stood still, enjoying the blessing from the warmth of the source of life, only to be serenated by the birds with their melody.
The water sparkled harmoniously with the essence of life. Like silk, it wavered, covering the curious fish within from the harsh restless sun. The silk at times was blue; at times it would turn green and with the gentle breeze of the passing wind, it became glittering gold.
Everything was bright and beautiful.

Within minutes everything changes.

Thick dark clouds shrouded the entire sky, as if the sky was burning, filled with smoke. And above it, there was a percussion from the thunder performing. The normally gentle wind started to show its temper by slapping the trees, hard. Finally, the birds were quite, as they were all in the mist of a balancing act on the swaying trees. The howling wind was unfeeling and deadly while the sun was nowhere to be seen. With the water being dark and cold and forbidding, no one dares to stay. A storm was coming! everyone thought, but there was no rain, not a single drop. The entire atmosphere was tensed and mysterious. As if something was anticipated to happen, everyone's mind were filled with the mixture of uneasiness and a pinch of excitement. Dark earth.

The latter is the scene of the dream i always had when i was young since 5 (? i think). The vision of destruction of the entire world and the scene was just the prelude. Back then, i yearned for the destruction (and death). And i was always looking forward to seeing this scene.

ALong with it, i kept on asking myself,"why do i exist? why am i living?"
Imagine people young young at around 5 years old kept on thinking about such stuff and things along that line. The thought of it frightens me, and at times caused me to cry myself to sleep. And had to frequently tell myself,"dont think too much, you are living to play and enjoy"

That was why there are times i feel meaningless in doing somethings that i couldn't help it but to destroy myself by giving up, hoping that they will end. I had a deathwish. It was like this for jc, it was briefly like so during eodcc...

Normally, i dont dream if i happen to sleep less then 7 hrs. Nonetheless, since last monday, i've been dreaming everyday, i need the panda eyebag strips...

Labels: senseless rant

Catching the falling leaves ...[9:36 PM]

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